(Day 29 of the Fanfiction series.)
It was the second last day of the challenge. Indeed, it was hard to believe that it had already been almost a month since Heechul had first issued the fanfiction challenge to the members of SJ and SJ-M. Lately, the text messages, emails and phone calls had been coming in two’s and three’s, complaining of different stories members had read which supported their earlier complaints. He would have smugly acknowledged the amount, especially considering how resistant the members were to reading in the beginning. He would have.
Unfortunately, no one read as many fanfictions as Heechul did and, unfortunately, he had found another reason to complain. So, as Heechul waited in the airport with Shindong, Kibum and Sungmin, he stated another complaint to the members.
“I’m a woman!” Heechul hissed at the other three members.
One by one, they slowly turned their gazes towards Heechul. They sat in two rows of seats that faced each other, Shindong and Heechul on one side, Kibum and Sungmin in front of them.
“You could’ve fooled us… hyung,” Kibum deadpanned,
Heechul scowled, “I mean the writers. I’m almost always a woman.”
“That can’t be true,” Shindong replied, “I should know, you’re always a man in my stories.”
“Out of all the gender-switch stories, I’m the one who’s most often changed into a woman,” Heechul stated, crossing his arms over his chest,
“Really? I thought it was me,” Sungmin mused, “I’m always a woman to Kyuhyun’s… erm… man.”
“I’ve done the calculations and 78.3% of all gender-switch stories, has me being the woman,” Heechul said matter-of-factly,
The three members blinked at him.
“78.3%...” Shindong repeated slowly, “You can’t be that accurate.”
“I’m pretty sure I can be,” Heechul defended, “I’ve done the math. This isn’t some wildly concocted number – it’s scientific!”
“There’s a complicated mathematical formula, but it is accurate,” Kibum said, finally,
Sungmin angled in his seat to face the younger member, “Really? You know of it?”
“We had Kyuhyun make it last week,” Kibum admitted, “And it’s proven to be quite accurate after we tested it a few times. We’d change the percentage to a ratio and then tested out the ratio.”
Shindong raised a brow, “What did you test the ratio on?”
Kibum looked away, his expression darkening, “Eunhae.”
“Wait, wait, wait, you’ve been bitching and complaining about Eunhae almost all month, it’s my turn,” Heechul interjected,
Three pairs of eyes swung towards Heechul all at once.
“What?” He asked suspiciously,
“You’ve complained more times than anyone else,” Shindong stated,
“This is… what? Your sixth complaint?” Kibum questioned,
“And, they’re always about the same thing,” Sungmin added,
“In truth, your complaints should only count as one,” Shindong concluded, “They’re all about you being feminine in stories.”
“But, this time they’re actually turning me into a woman!” Heechul exclaimed, garnering them looks from several nearby people.
“Shh!” Shindong said, “It’s hard enough having security keeping the fans away without you yelling such weird things.”
“I’d let them near just to prove to them I’m a man,” Heechul muttered,
Kibum blinked, “That sounds… so wrong.”
Heechul scowled, “You know what I meant, I was going to scold them for portraying me as such. First, they’re always saying that I’m always catching when it’s more often the other way around.”
“Did not have to hear that repeated,” Shindong sighed as he glanced away,
“Then, they call me beautiful,” Heechul said, “A man is supposed to be handsome damn it!”
“I thought you liked being called beautiful,” Kibum interjected,
“Then, they comment on my hair as if they know my hair,” Heechul scoffed,
“I can’t believe we’re recounting his complaints,” Sungmin said to Kibum,
“They always call it Hanchul,” Heechul continued, “Putting me last – AGAIN!”
“I have tried spreading Heekyung, it just doesn’t stick with other writers,” Shindong shrugged, still looking away, pretending like he wasn’t a part of the conversation,
“And saying I’m forever wearing pink,” Heechul sighed dramatically,
“You did take back all the pink clothes you gave me,” Sungmin reminded gravely, crossing his arms,
“Finally, they throw the last gauntlet!” Heechul exclaimed, seemingly not caring that crowds of fans stood just a few metres away; “They take away the one thing that makes me a man! They take away my p-”
Shindong immediately lunged at Heechul, clasping both hands over the older man’s mouth, the rest of his sentence muffled; “Dear Buddha, Heechul! I can’t believe you were about to yell that in public!”
Heechul pried the other’s hand from his mouth, “I was going to say pride…”
Shindong rolled his eyes as he settled back into his seat, “Yeah… right.”
“Well, it is my pride,” Heechul stated smugly, glancing down at his own lap,
Shindong looked away again, trying to distance himself from the conversation at hand, “Why ever did I agree to come with you to the airport?”
“Because you owe me a favour,” Heechul shrugged, seemingly having calmed down, finally.
“Oh! They’re connecting the bridge to the plane!” Sungmin said happily, jumping to his feet,
“There better not be any Haemi when they come through those doors,” Kibum grumbled as he slowly got to his feet,
“Haemi? I thought Haery was more popular?” Sungmin inquired,
Kibum’s eyes narrowed, “Another Donghae-pairing? Damn his beautiful face.”
Heechul sighed in mock-drama as he touched the back of his hand to his forehead, “And, I am forgotten once again.”
“This whole month has been about you and your stupid challenge,” Kibum muttered,
Heechul shrugged, a smug smile on his face, “Oh, well, after tomorrow, you’ll all be calling me ‘hyung’.”
(Day 30: The Perfect Plan)