“What is it like to be in love?”

“Free. It feels free, like there’s nothing that can stop me, nothing can hold me down.
It feels as if I can do anything because of love and I’m free of the fear of failure because,
even if I can’t do everything, at least at the end of the day,
there’s still me and him. When all else fails, love won’t.”

Reign on Me series

Thursday, September 18, 2008

[097] True Desires

theme: o97. Glasses.
pair: Hankyung/Kyuhyun
rate: R/NC17
words: 7601
#: 74/100
(Sequel to Desires, Revealed Desires, and Forbidden Desires; last in the Desire Series)

“When’s the hearing?” Eunhyuk asked quietly as Sungmin took away their dishes and brought it over to the sink.

“Friday morning,” Hankyung answered quietly. He placed his elbows on the table and clasped his hands beneath his chin.

After he and Kyuhyun had been seen together in his classroom, the Dean of the Faculty had taken them to the Board of Governors and after two and half hours of waiting in the hall, had been told that a hearing would take place three mornings hence. Afterward, they had been dismissed, even Hankyung’s classes that evening were cancelled. They had retreated to Kyuhyun’s apartment in silence and waited for Eunhyuk and Sungmin to come home.

Hankyung glanced at Kyuhyun who sat adjacent to him. Kyuhyun hadn’t spoken a word to him since they left the Board of Governors, let alone looked at him. Kyuhyun sat, his eyes glued to the table and his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

After placing the dishes in the sink, Sungmin had no urge to clean them immediately for once. Instead, he retreated back to the dining table and retook his seat across from Kyuhyun. He pulled his knees up and hugged them to his chest, his feet planted on the edge of the seat.

“I know you two were dismissed for today…” Sungmin began hesitantly, “but does that mean you’re both not to go to classes for the rest of the week?”

Hankyung sighed heavily, biting down on his fist, “I’m not sure… I would assume so since the last thing they’d want was either of us at the school. We’re going to have to wait it out until Friday.” He stood up abruptly, “It’s getting late… Dinner was delicious, Sungmin,” he said with a bow of his head.

He glanced at Kyuhyun then walked off to the door. Sungmin and Eunhyuk saw him off, reluctantly closing the door after him.

As he was unlocking his car door, Hankyung looked up, seeing something in his peripherals.

“Kyuhyun…” He greeted quietly, hesitantly, but Kyuhyun said nothing back. As Hankyung slid into his seat, he unlocked the other door and Kyuhyun entered, the door closing beside him firmly.

Hankyung was sitting in his bed against the headboard, his book of crossword puzzles before him. The bathroom door opened and steam poured out as Kyuhyun stepped out, clad in nothing more than a towel wrapped low about his hips.

Hankyung put his book and pencil on the bedside table, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He stood up slowly and padded over to Kyuhyun who stood still by the bathroom door. Hankyung held out a hand to him and Kyuhyun jumped, as if startled, as if he had forgotten everything around him. Hesitantly, he placed his hand in his hyung’s.

Kyuhyun allowed Hankyung to lead him to the bed and stood between his legs as Hankyung sat on the edge. He brought Kyuhyun’s hand to his mouth, brushing his lips over his knuckles,

“You’ve been quiet,” Hankyung said quietly, understating his silence,

“I’ve been scared,” Kyuhyun corrected, his voice hoarse.

Hankyung peered up at him. Kyuhyun had spent another half hour in the shower, but as he realized the red eyes and heard the strained voice, he realized it wasn’t to wake himself up.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” Kyuhyun muttered, his dark eyes filling with tears,

For a moment, Hankyung said nothing. He didn’t want to promise false hopes, but as he gazed into those tear-filled eyes, he silently apologized for the white lies he was about to give,

“You won’t…” Hankyung promised, his heart constricting painfully as he spoke the words.

Kyuhyun moved his hands to cradle Hankyung’s face, his slender fingers caressing his cheeks, holding them gently. He slowly leaned down, brushing his lips against Hankyung’s. As Hankyung moved his hands around his waist, Kyuhyun moved onto his lap, straddling Hankyung’s hips.

Hankyung tasted the saltiness of tears and his heart clenched at the thought. His arms tightened around Kyuhyun. When he felt Kyuhyun deepen the kiss, he grabbed his face and pulled back,

“We don’t have to tonight,” Hankyung insisted quietly, his eyes searching Kyuhyun’s. His dongsaeng nodded thankfully as Hankyung brushed away his tears with the pad of his thumb.

Later that evening, Hankyung lay awake in the bed. They had lain together in silence until Kyuhyun finally fell asleep. As he listened to the young man’s even and deep breathing, Hankyung gently moved his arm out from underneath Kyuhyun and slowly got out of bed. Clad in just his pyjama bottoms, Hankyung walked through his apartment to the balcony.

He closed his eyes as a warm summer breeze embraced him. His hands lightly gripped the metal railing and he tilted his face up towards the moonlight and flickering stars. As he had laid with Kyuhyun in his arms as they were falling asleep, he felt nothing but a heavy heart and clouded mind. Kyuhyun had felt warm in his arms, but why did his body feel cold inside?

He sighed heavily as he opened his eyes and gazed out into the velvety night sky, “It’s because of me…”

“What is?”

Hankyung spun around to find Kyuhyun standing in the doorway in his cotton flannel pyjamas; the picture of innocence.

“Why are you awake? You were asleep,” Hankyung said,

“I suddenly felt very cold and I woke up,” Kyuhyun explained,

“Why didn’t you go back to sleep then?” Hankyung asked as he closed the distance between them,

Kyuhyun looked past him towards the moon, “Because you were…” He trailed off before sighing and turning to leave, “Never mind.”

Hankyung grabbed his shoulder and made him face him again. Hankyung pressed his lips to Kyuhyun’s wet cheek, “I’m sorry for leaving you.” He murmured, his lips tickling Kyuhyun’s skin. Hankyung held him there a moment; when Kyuhyun had turned to leave, he had seen the moonlight reflect off his tears. He pulled back, “Let’s go back to bed.”

This time as they lay in bed, Kyuhyun with his back pressed against Hankyung’s chest, Hankyung felt Kyuhyun’s reluctance to fall asleep. Securing his arms around Kyuhyun, Hankyung chided gently,

“You’ve yawned twelve times, go to sleep,”

“I don’t want to wake up with you gone again,” Kyuhyun admitted quietly turning his head slightly so that Hankyung’s lips were brushing against his temple instead of his ear. “Hankyung… what if they split us apart?”

“They won’t,” His heart constricted at his words as he shut his eyes tightly. His lips kissing Kyuhyun’s temple, he murmured, “I won’t let them…”

Friday came sooner than they had thought; too soon for their liking. They sat in a board room, two chairs before a long desk. Behind the long desk sat the seven school governors. Behind where Kyuhyun and Hankyung sat were the Heads of the Departments of the school.

Talk was buzzing around the quiet pair as the Board of Governors entered and began taking their seats. The door to the room opened and Kyuhyun instinctively looked back over his shoulder. Sungmin and Eunhyuk slipped into the room followed by Eeteuk. The professor placed a finger to his lips, signalling the two to be quiet before he walked forward and took an empty seat with the other Department Heads.

As the clock stroke nine o’clock, the Head Governor who sat in the middle of the other six, knocked a gavel on the tabletop,

“Quiet everyone, we all know what brings us here today - WHY we’re here is decide what to do about it,” His voice rang throughout the board room, sunlight reflecting off the gold nameplate that sat before him, Choi Shiwon.

“It’s against school policy - we can’t be lenient now!” One of the Governors stated,

“But Professor Han is Head of Mathematics!” One of the Department Heads spoke up, “If he goes, are we to find someone else? They’d pale in comparison!”

“He’s not the only math professor wandering about South Korea,” a Governor argued, “Even if he did stay on, we’d at least have to demote him from Department Head!”

As the bickering began between those two, Governor Choi sat silently watching. Elbows on his armrests, hands clasped and his forefingers in a steeple by his lips. As the bickering began to escalate with the Department Head on his feet and the Governor on hers, he cleared his throat loudly. Immediately both quieted and sat back down.

“In the past we’ve fired any teacher with student… discrepancies,” the Governor beside Choi stated, opening a file that was before him,

“Sir - I beg you, if it comes to that, just kick me out of school,” Kyuhyun implored them, suddenly standing up,

“Jo-sshi, you’re here on a full scholarship. You do understand if you leave, if you attend another university, it won’t be fully paid like it is here,” Governor Choi stated matter-of-factly,

“I… I understand,” Kyuhyun insisted, his fists clenched firmly at his sides, “But I can go to school anywhere… SM University is Hankyu-… Professor Han’s life. He went to school here and now teaches here. If he’s fired, it’ll be hard for him to get a job elsewhere. I can’t be the reason why he loses his job - so I’ll leave instead.”

Hankyung made to stand up and protest when someone spoke up before he was able to,

“What about a transfer?”

Hankyung turned around in his seat and Kyuhyun looked back over his shoulder to the source of the voice. Eeteuk sat straight in his chair, one knee crossed over the other, his arms crossed loosely about his torso,

“Professor Park?” Governor Choi addressed, “What do you propose?”

“A transfer. Instead of having Professor Han fired and having that black mark on his record, why not put him up for a transfer to a different school? The reason could be simply he wanted to expand his experience in a new environment,” Eeteuk suggested easily, “As Jo-sshi stated, Professor Han has spent practically his entire life in Korea at SM University, it wouldn’t be questioned that he wanted to expand his horizons.”

Governor Choi opened his mouth to speak when the Governor beside him spoke up again, “We cannot show differences in our punishments! Before this, all others have been fired. Are we going to suddenly become lenient just because Professor Han was a child prodigy who came to us?”

“He dedicated his life to this school,” Kyuhyun stated through gritted teeth, eyes narrowed dangerously and fists shaking at his sides,

“We have to be fair,” The Governor countered, “All others before-”

“Not ALL before were fired,” Eeteuk interrupted. He stood up then, arms still crossed defiantly as he stared down that particular Governor, “Let us not forget that five years ago it was I sitting where Professor Han sits now and a different student who sat where Jo-sshi sat.”

“Those were different circumstances Professor Park,” The Governor grounded out, “He left-”

“Because you told him behind my back that I’d be fired if he didn’t leave!” Eeteuk exclaimed, “What? You wanted to change your tactics this time because the student is an Honour student with a full scholarship? This time you want the teacher to leave instead?”

“Professor Park - we are not discussing you-”

“No, we’re not, but don’t forget that just a short few years ago, Professor Han was an Honour student with a full scholarship too,” Eeteuk said coldly, “How does it look if the highly-regarded SM University lost another Honour student?”

“Are you trying to threaten the Board of Governors, Professor Park?” The Governor got to his feet,

“Sit down,” Governor Choi commanded,


“I said: Sit. Down,” Governor Choi repeated, his words cold and firm and unforgiving. After a moment, the Governor sat back down beside Choi; “If Professor Han is transferred to another school, there must be consequences and restrictions for both of them. Both Professor Han and Jo Kyuhyun will have their pardon and this will not be written on their record,”

Kyuhyun let out a sigh of relief as he sat back down in his chair. Eeteuk, after a moment, followed suit and sat down again.

“Professor Han is to be completely relocated - not just where he will work, but where he lives,” Governor Choi stated, bringing Kyuhyun to his feet again, “His whereabouts will be known to myself and myself alone. No other faculty members it to know where Professor Han is moved to,” his eyes fell upon Eeteuk, “And no student is to know,” he moved his gaze to Kyuhyun, “We cannot show lenience to such disregard for school policy, therefore you two are to stop seeing each other.”

Kyuhyun opened his mouth to argue when he felt a hand clap on his shoulder. He looked over to Hankyung who now stood beside him,

“Sit down,” Hankyung said quietly to him. Kyuhyun made to oppose him, but Hankyung stared at him hard and he reluctantly sat back down.

Kyuhyun sat there restless but hopeful. The Governor promised their pardons on the term that they end their relationship. Kyuhyun gazed at Hankyung’s back, he knew he’d stop them. He promised he wouldn’t let them separate them.

“Professor Han?” Governor Choi addressed him,

“No one outside this boardroom is allowed to know what happened here or why we were brought here,” Hankyung stated firmly, allowing for no arguments, “My name can be thrown about all you like, but now Kyu… Jo-sshi’s. He’s still a student and is still vulnerable. His name is not to be breathed in relation to any scandal.”

“Confidentiality is guaranteed if you take the offer,” Governor Choi promised sincerely,

Hankyung took a deep steadying breath, “Then I accept.”

Kyuhyun felt a cold hand grasp his heart, squeezing it until it stopped beating. He felt his chest tighten, making it hard to breath as a lump formed in his throat that began to suffocate him. He felt the sting of hot tears behind his eyes and as Hankyung’s form grew blurry before a veil of tears, Kyuhyun dropped his gaze to the floor.

“Anyone who goes against the terms set up in this hearing will face more dire consequences than ever set up by this Board,” Governor Choi stated simply, standing up as his eyes swept over the Governors and others in the boardroom, “Meeting adjourned.”

The Department Heads exited first, each having their own classes to get to. Then, the Governors left quietly, noting that Choi was not in the mood for idle talk or trying to have his decision changed. Before Governor Choi left, he approached Hankyung,

“Professor Han, it’s not a lie what you bring to this school as a math professor,” Governor Choi said sincerely, “And it will be a sad day when you leave us. Despite what has… happened,” His eyes briefly glanced towards Kyuhyun behind him, “I trust your judgement in who you believe should replace you. Do you have any suggestions?”

“It will be his first year teaching,” Hankyung said hesitantly,

“If he has your reference, then I have faith in him,” Governor Choi replied,

“Some might not agree with me, actually, some might straight out shoot down my suggestion,” Hankyung stated honestly, matter-of-factly,

“But they are not me,” Governor Choi reminded,

Hankyung nodded, taking a steadying breath before saying, “The student who left SM U. five years ago in his senior year completed his Masters two years ago and will be attaining his Ph.D. at the end of this year.”

“But he doesn’t have his Ph.D. yet?” Governor Choi regarded him hesitantly, “If you believe he is capable of taking up your classes…”

“He’s the only one I would trust to do so,” Professor Han replied simply, crossing his arms loosely,

Governor Choi nodded his head before making his goodbyes and leaving the boardroom. As Sungmin and Eunhyuk rushed over to Kyuhyun, Hankyung slowly approached Eeteuk,

“I suppose you heard-”

“Are you crazy!?” Eeteuk exclaimed, his hands on his hips, “Suggesting they hire him!? He’ll kill me! He’ll think I put you up to this!”

“But you didn’t,” Hankyung countered,

Eeteuk sighed heavily, “Not to mention Heechul’s endless taunting and teasing. Damn, Heechul will be relentless once he arrives.” He shook his head as he regarded Hankyung, “But thank you.”

Hankyung nodded, “I didn’t lie when I said I wouldn’t trust anyone else-”

“But you’ve never even met him. You left SM U. to do your doctorate in China before coming back to teach,” Eeteuk argued,

Hankyung shrugged, “So? I know what I know from what you’ve told me. So if he sucks as my replacement, the only one who can be blamed is you.”

Eeteuk rolled his eyes, “Thanks.” He looked passed Hankyung to Kyuhyun who was still in his chair, despite his two friends who stood by him, talking to him, “I’ll take care of him until you can come back.”

Hankyung offered him a small smile, “Thank you. For everything.”

A few moments after, Hankyung and Kyuhyun were alone in the board room,

“Kyuhyun…” Hankyung began, hesitant and quiet,

“You lied to me,” Kyuhyun’s voice came out shaky but full of anger,

“I had to,” Hankyung insisted,

“BULLSHIT!” Kyuhyun jumped to his feet, glaring at him, “They offered you a bone and you took it without a thought!”

“I HAD TO! IT WAS EITHER YOU OR ME!” Hankyung countered hotly,

“To hell what they would have done!” Kyuhyun exclaimed, “Do you think I give a shit what they would’ve done to me!? Now instead they’re separating us completely!”

As tears began to fall from his eyes, Hankyung fought the urge to grab him and hold him; to kiss away his tears and promise - again - that everything would be alright.

“I didn’t want for you to get hurt by this,” Hankyung stated slowly, sternly,

“I told you I don’t care what they do to me!” Kyuhyun argued,

“This isn’t just about you!” Hankyung exclaimed, “If you were kicked out…” He took a steadying breath before grounding out, eyes narrowed, “I’ve seen what it’s like for someone to watch the one they love be driven away.”

“So you’d rather run away instead!?” Kyuhyun demanded, “You didn’t even try to FIGHT for us! You just gave up! Gave it all away - for what? So you wouldn’t have to see me leave school? If I had left school at least we could’ve been together!”

“Could we? If you left the school, would you be scared that if we were seen together, talk might arise again? Reputations might be ruined?” Hankyung demanded, “I think not. I think if you left the school, you would leave me too, Kyuhyun.”

“I would never leave you!” Kyuhyun exclaimed,

“Why not? You did it before,” Hankyung’s words slashed away at Kyuhyun like daggers. Hankyung sighed, “I never should have sought you out-”

“That’s what you meant last night…” Kyuhyun muttered, “When you said it was because of you,” he stared at Hankyung with wide eyes, “You think you’re the only guilty one here.”

“Aren’t I? I’m the one who pursued you that first week, the one who came after you,” Hankyung reminded, “Had I not then we wouldn’t be-”

“Don’t you dare finish your sentence,” Kyuhyun said in a low growl, “Don’t you dare fucking say those words.”

“What words?” Hankyung questioned,

“The words that allude to you regretting what we have - had. Words that allude that everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve done together was all a mistake,” Kyuhyun grounded out, the tears cascading relentlessly, his body trembling,

“Kyuhyun, we wouldn’t be in this situation if we-”

Kyuhyun held up his hand to silence him, “No… I won’t hear it… I won’t let you destroy the memories. You can end our relationship, but I won’t let you fucking ruin the happiest time of my life.”

Hankyung took a step towards him, but Kyuhyun turned on his heel and walked away. He kicked and pushed chairs out of his way towards the door and as he stood there, his hand on the handle he paused. He was shaking violently, the tears saw no end and his body coursed with ice cold pain,

“Happy one hundred day anniversary,” He said the words, almost choking on them.

As Hankyung watched the door close after him, Kyuhyun’s words echoed in his mind. He clenched his fists tightly, forcing himself not to move; he didn’t have the right to go after him. After all, he didn’t just break his promise to Kyuhyun - he broke his heart too.

The months passed and before anyone realized it, SM University’s campus was covered in a layer of thick snow. It was on a cold winter day before the winter break when Kyuhyun left his Calculus class to find a professor of Psychology awaiting him in the corridor.

“I have Sociology,” Kyuhyun muttered as he moved to walk away from Heechul,

Heechul scoffed, “Like you have a choice.” With that, he began walking off and Kyuhyun suddenly felt he didn’t. So, he followed the flamboyant professor.

They entered his office and Heechul gestured to a chair before his desk as he walked around and sat down behind his desk. Kyuhyun dropped his bag by the foot of the chair and sat down,

“We’ve never spoken more than a few words to each other in the past, why start now?” Kyuhyun asked bluntly,

“Maybe because I start to worry when one of SM U’s best and brightest is suddenly on the edge of losing his scholarship and being kicked out of school,” Heechul offered casually,

Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms, “I’m not one of your students though, so I don’t see how that would worry you, let alone how you would know where I stand on the academic level.”

“Fine, I’ll be blunt then since over the last few months you’ve gained that characteristic,” Heechul grounded out, “When a good friend of mine makes a sacrifice for some brat, I don’t like seeing that sacrifice go in vain because of said brat.”

“At least it’s mutual that there’s no love loss between us, Professor Kim,” Kyuhyun stated evenly,

Heechul jumped to his feet, his palms slamming down on his desktop, “Listen you ungrateful, little bastard - Hankyung gave up his life’s work just so you could stay here. So I’m not going to sit idly on the sidelines as I see you throw away everything he’s preserved for you just because you’re having a 7-month-long tantrum,” He snapped, eyes narrowed darkly and dangerously,

“Hey- HE left ME!” Kyuhyun defended hotly,

“And this is your retaliation?” Heechul demanded, “Why don’t you grow some balls and appreciate what he’s done for you.” Heechul threw his arms in the air exasperatedly as he turned towards a nearby window, “I hate kids,” He muttered bitterly as he stared out the window to the snow-covered campus below. “Especially when they’re arrogant.”

“What did you say!?” Kyuhyun questioned angrily,

“I said you’re arrogant,” Heechul retorted, “You think you’re the only one who’s hurt? The only one who’s angry? Hankyung leaving didn’t JUST affect you-”

“I suppose you’re going to say it affect you and even Eeteuk-sshi,” Kyuhyun interjected,

Heechul turned around, leaning his hips back against the windowsill, “Yes, I was - but not just that. It may have affected me and Eeteuk because we’re Hankyung’s friends, but Hankyung’s hurting too; he’s angry too.”

“He doesn’t have the right! He’s the one who decided to leave!” Kyuhyun argued,

“He didn’t have a choice!” Heechul exclaimed,

“Everyone has a choice!” Kyuhyun countered,

“How na├»ve can you be!?” Heechul asked in pure disbelief “You know if there had been any other way, he would’ve jumped at that chance - especially if it meant he could stay with you.”

“Then why didn’t he FIGHT for one? Why did he give in so easily?” Kyuhyun challenged,

“I thought you’re supposed to be smart!?” Heechul said incredulously, “You were on the brink of being kicked out - he had to act fast. He did what he had to do in order to protect you,” He stated as he approached Kyuhyun, “And if that doesn’t get through that thick skull of yours I’ll repeat it,” Heechul towered over him now, “He. Wanted. To. Protect. You,” he punctuated each word with a strong prod of his finger to Kyuhyun’s forehead,

“Maybe I didn’t want his protection,” Kyuhyun snapped,

Heechul grabbed him by his collar, “I don’t know WHY he wanted to protect an ingrate like you, but he did. He didn’t have to, but he did. Obviously someone HAS to since you’re too stupid to protect yourself.”

“Heechul, let him go.”

Heechul looked up to find Eeteuk standing in his office doorway. Hesitantly, Heechul released Kyuhyun’s collar and retreated back to the window, leaning a shoulder against the wall and staring out into the winter morning.

“When I realized Kyuhyun wasn’t in my class, I knew you must’ve kidnapped him,” Eeteuk stated as he took Heechul’s desk chair, “So I gave the class a pop quiz and told them it was worth 20% of their grade.” He glanced at Heechul by the window, “I thought we agreed to do this together.”

“I wanted to try my way first,” Heechul muttered as he kept his gaze out the window.

When Eeteuk turned his attention back to Kyuhyun, he had a suspicious look about his face, “No, I’m not going to yell at you like Heechul probably was doing,” Eeteuk insisted and the suspiciousness left Kyuhyun, “But I am going to bribe you.”

Kyuhyun leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, “I’m listening.”

“Kyuhyun, you’re here on a full scholarship, and one of the conditions that you stay at SM University is that you maintain a 90% average,” Eeteuk stated matter-of-factly, “They’ve been more than lenient with you, especially since for the past two months your grade-point average has dropped way below this average-”

“More like plummeted by 50%,” Heechul interjected,

Eeteuk shot him a look before returning to Kyuhyun, “If you get back your average and maintain it, then come February when the year ends, I’ll give you Hankyung’s information - where he works, where he lives - everything.”

“How’d you get that information? As I recall what the Governor said, no one - be they faculty or student - is to know anything about Hankyung’s relocation,” Kyuhyun stated,

“I have my ways,” Eeteuk replied,

“Manipulation,” Heechul muttered,

Eeteuk shot him another look before turning back to his dongsaeng, “So what do you say, Kyuhyun? Two more months and then you’ll have all the information you could possibly want or need about Hankyung’s whereabouts for the past seven months.”

“No thank you,” Kyuhyun replied easily,

Eeteuk’s jaw dropped and it took him several moments to recover as Heechul turned around, staring at him with surprise, “You really are a brat,” Heechul suddenly glared at him, “Acting like you care about him all this time when really-”

“I already know where he is,” Kyuhyun interjected, turning his eyes from Heechul then to Eeteuk, “He was transferred to YG University in Incheon, he lives in an apartment again,” he paused a moment, “Do I have to recite his address and apartment number? How about his land line number? His work extension?”

“How did… once I started looking it took me weeks to find out,” Eeteuk muttered,

“Like you, I have my ways,” Kyuhyun answered, “I’ve known for a few months now, actually.”

“Stalker,” Heechul muttered,

This time, it was Kyuhyun to shoot the Psychology professor a look before turning his gaze back to his Sociology professor, “So, it seems I don’t need your bribe, although I appreciate the effort Eeteuk-sshi.”

Eeteuk tilted his head as he regarded Kyuhyun a moment before asking, “If you’ve known, why haven’t you gone after him?”

“Because he left me, remember? So why should I go after him if he doesn’t give a damn about me anymore?” Kyuhyun asked quietly, the strength suddenly leaving his voice and the threat of tears brimming his lashes.

Eeteuk grew silent, not knowing what to say. Heechul, however, looked over his shoulder at Kyuhyun. Locking gazes, Heechul stared at him hard, “Because despite what Hankyung may feel - you still give a damn about him.” He abruptly turned his head away again, “That’s why.”

When Kyuhyun had left to go to class, despite the professor of that class remaining in Heechul’s office, said professor picked up Heechul’s phone and dialled.


“Hankyung-sshi,” Eeteuk greeted,

“Ah, Eeteuk, what’s new?” Hankyung asked from the other end of the line,

“Besides the decline of the math department here? Well… maybe you were right and he did know where you were all this time,” Eeteuk answered,

“I knew I wasn’t crazy,” Hankyung replied, “I mean, seeing someone who looked like Kyuhyun once is coincidental, seeing them about thirteen times is enough to be suspicious.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll give you the money the next time I see you,” Eeteuk insisted,

“You still owe me 20 000 won from the last bet,” Hankyung reminded,

“Yes, I’ll give that to you too,” Eeteuk promised absentmindedly,

“So how is Kyuhyun? Is he… okay?” Hankyung asked, his voice suddenly quiet,

“He looks healthy enough,” Eeteuk replied tentatively. He had seen Kyuhyun grow paler over the few months and he began to suspect that it wasn’t just his grades that were being effected from the separation.

“So… how does the situation look from your side?” Hankyung asked hesitantly.

Eeteuk sighed as he glanced at Heechul. His friend merely nodded at him and Eeteuk answered with a heavy heart, “I think it’s time you make a reappearance.”

By the time classes finished that day, the sky had opened up and it was now snowing profusely over the students who were coming and leaving SM University’s main campus.

“I was so scared to listen to music on my way across campus today, thought my earphones would freeze to my ears!” Eunhyuk exclaimed as he, Sungmin and Kyuhyun stepped out of the main building and headed towards the main gates,

“Your earphones can’t freeze to your ears,” Sungmin rolled his eyes,

“I said I thought it not that I actually believed it,” Eunhyuk defended,

“Well it sounds like you believe it,” Sungmin retorted as he wrapped his scarf around his neck and mouth,

“And you two sound like an old married couple,” Kyuhyun stated matter-of-factly as he pulled on his mittens,

“And I supposed you’d be our whiny son,” Sungmin countered,

“Son? More like daugh-”

“Finish that sentence, I dare you,” Kyuhyun challenged, eyes narrowed.

However, Eunhyuk had stopped talking, actually, he had stopped walking. Sungmin and Kyuhyun followed suit, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Slowly, he gestured ahead of them. Kyuhyun and Sungmin looked out towards the curb. There parked by the curb was a familiar car.

Kyuhyun felt a warmth wash over him before a cold swept over his heart. He had ridden in that car hundreds of times, not to mention its driver. Slowly, hesitantly, he walked over to the passenger door and it rolled down,

“Either you continue to be a stubborn brat and someone sees us; or you grow up and get in the car,” Hankyung’s voice floated over to him through the window.

Kyuhyun looked over his shoulder at his friends, but both of them nodded towards him, gesturing for him to get into the car. He took a deep, steadying breath before he opened the door, slid in and shut the door firmly beside him, the window rolling up.

“Nice glasses,” Hankyung commented lightly as he pulled away from the curb and began driving away from the source of their separation.

“They’re fake,” Kyuhyun confessed coolly as he pulled the thick-black frames from his face and pocketed it in his jacket.

“You look taller,” Hankyung noted,

“You look shorter,” Kyuhyun countered evenly,

“Don’t be smart,” Hankyung said, glancing at him through the corner of his eye,

“I have to be, I have a scholarship to maintain,” Kyuhyun replied nonchalantly as he glanced out the window, watching the snow fall,

“Not from what I hear,” Hankyung said casually,

Kyuhyun whipped his gaze towards his former professor, “Eeteuk called you, didn’t he!?”

“That he did,” Hankyung answered easily,

“That’s why… that’s why you came,” Kyuhyun muttered quietly. The cold that had entered his chest suddenly grew colder, painful. It spread to his lungs and he found it hard to breath. He clenched his fists within his mittens and focused his eyes back out the window, focused his mind to forget.

The rest of the ride from Seoul to Incheon was in silence. When they pulled into a parking lot of an apartment building, Kyuhyun hesitantly got out of the car and followed Hankyung into the building. The elevator on the way up was crowded and Kyuhyun found himself reluctantly pressed up against Hankyung. When they reached the third floor, more people tried to cram in and Hankyung instinctively wrapped an arm around Kyuhyun, his hand at the small of his back.

The moment that enough space opened up in the compartment, Kyuhyun pushed himself away from Hankyung. When they reached the tenth floor, Hankyung stepped out. Kyuhyun hesitated long enough that when he left, he was slipping through the closing doors.

Upon entering the apartment, Hankyung closed the door behind Kyuhyun. When Kyuhyun made to step further into the apartment after slipping off his shoes, Hankyung suddenly grabbed his arm. He yanked at Kyuhyun, bringing him flush against him.

He leaned his face down towards Kyuhyun’s, his lips brushing lightly over his dongsaeng’s, “That’s not the only reason why I came for you.”

Kyuhyun suddenly pushed him away. He took backward steps further into the apartment as a means to distance himself from Hankyung, “Don’t act like you still care-”

“I do!” Hankyung exclaimed angrily,

“After seven months! Seven months you didn’t once try to contact me!” Kyuhyun accused,

“And you? You’ve known for how long now where I live? Where I work?” Hankyung questioned, “You think I never saw those times when you walked by in a crowd, or watched from across the street?” He closed the distance between them until his face was mere inches from Kyuhyun’s, “We’re both guilty of something.”

“And who’s guilty of us being separated?” Kyuhyun challenged, “We could’ve been together had you not accepted their terms-”

“And let them run you out of SM U?” Hankyung demanded, “I wasn’t going to let what happened affect your future.”

“And what about my future with you?” Kyuhyun questioned, “SM U paled in comparison to being with YOU, Hankyung.”


“No,” Kyuhyun held up his hand to silence him, “If you start talking about regretting us then I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear it then and I don’t want to hear it now.”

Hankyung snatched his hand out of the air and gripped it tightly, “Well you’re going to hear me whether you like it or not, then.” Kyuhyun tried to pull away from him, but Hankyung only held onto him tighter, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him flush against him, “I do NOT regret being with you - I have NEVER regretted what we had, Kyuhyun. Had I regretted anything I would not have come for you. What I DO regret is that you got hurt because of me.”

“Maybe I didn’t get hurt!” Kyuhyun exclaimed,

“You said you were scared-” Hankyung began,

“Scared of LOSING you! Not what they’d DO to me,” Kyuhyun defended, “And yet it still happened. I STILL lost you even when YOU promised you wouldn’t let them!”


“Take me home,” Kyuhyun stated dully, all resistance suddenly gone in his body, all strength drained through his heart.


“In this one thing… just do as I ask and don’t decide for me,” Kyuhyun said imploringly, softly, his hand limp in Hankyung’s.

Hankyung stared down at him for a moment before sighing heavily and releasing his hold on Kyuhyun. As he drove Kyuhyun home, Hankyung had to tightly grip his steering wheel to stop himself from reaching out for him. He had to bite down on his lip to stop from speaking out. Most importantly, he had to focus his thoughts on the road ahead of him to stop his heart from hurting.

When Kyuhyun entered his apartment, Sungmin and Eunhyuk were studying at the dining table. They looked up, startled to find him home already.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Sungmin called after Kyuhyun, but he ignored him and retreated to his room. When the door slammed behind him, Sungmin and Eunhyuk dropped their pencils and books and followed him.

Kyuhyun was hanging his jacket on a hook on the wall when Sungmin and Eunhyuk came in after him.

“What happened?” Eunhyuk asked suddenly, “We thought you’d be home later tonight - if not tomorrow.”

“What? Just because Hankyung suddenly appears again you expect me to accept him with arms wide open?” Kyuhyun questioned as he pulled off his sweater and tossed it towards his bed, turning towards them, a hard, tear-filled stare in his eyes.

“Well why not?’ Eunhyuk demanded, “Because he agreed with the Board of Governors? Because he left so you could stay?”

“Why does everyone presume to talk to me as if I don’t already know what he did for me!?” Kyuhyun countered, “I KNOW what Hankyung did for me-”

“Then why do you act like you don’t care about what he did?” Sungmin inquired,

“It’s not that I don’t care about what he did, I just don’t care about anything else anymore,” Kyuhyun confessed, his voice breaking and his tears threatening to spill.

“Kyuhyun-” Sungmin began,

“When he gave in so easily to their terms, he gave up on me,” Kyuhyun stated, his fists clenched in an attempt to stop the rest of his body from trembling like his voice, “He couldn’t believe that I would find another way.”

“You’re angry, Kyuhyun, you feel betrayed but now that he’s willing to be seen getting you, don’t you think it’s time to let go of your anger?” Sungmin asked hesitantly, wanting to comfort his friend but knowing he wouldn’t allow it.

“If it was that simple, I would’ve gone to him the moment I found him,” Kyuhyun grounded out, fighting back the hot tears,

“Why can’t it be that simple? You still love him don’t you?” Eunhyuk questioned, “Then why can’t it be that simple?”

“Because I can’t be with him… not until I become someone he doesn’t have to protect,” Kyuhyun explained, forcing a strength into his words he didn’t feel, “I can’t let him get hurt again because of me.”

Eunhyuk and Sungmin glanced at one another before looking back at Kyuhyun, “You’re… not mad at Hankyung are you?” Eunhyuk asked hesitantly, taking a step towards him,

“All this time, you’ve been mad at yourself,” Sungmin surmised as he closed the distance and Kyuhyun fell into his arms.

Hankyung yawned loudly as he stretched his arms into the air. Dressed in just pyjama bottoms, it was two in the morning when he padded out of his bedroom, the door pounding and pounding from the contact of a fist. When he reached the door, he whipped it open,

“What the - Kyuhyun,” Hankyung blinked confused. “How did you…”

“Eeteuk-sshi,” He said quietly, his gaze glued to the floor.

Hankyung stared at him a moment before stepping to the side and letting him in. He closed the door and walked past Kyuhyun into the living room. He began to pace the floor when Kyuhyun entered the living room, his jacket slung over his arm,

“Why are you here?” Hankyung asked bluntly, stopping his pacing to watch Kyuhyun.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Kyuhyun relied simply, raising his eyes from the floor to meet Hankyung’s.

Hankyung gazed at him before finally closing the distance between them and pulling him into a kiss. Their lips met in a sweet and slow reunion. Hankyung felt his heart clench as he held Kyuhyun. He felt smaller in his arms, more fragile and in that instant, Hankyung realized that Kyuhyun wasn’t as well as he had convinced everyone else.

“This is… just to hold me over… until graduation,” Kyuhyun murmured against his lips as he dropped his jacket to the floor and wrapped his arms about Hankyung’s waist,

“Of course,” Hankyung said between kisses as he cradled Kyuhyun’s face, his lips kissing his eye lids, his brow, the bridge of his nose, “You think you can last that long,” He pressed his lips to Kyuhyun’s cheeks, his chin and back to his lips.

“I’m still mad at you for giving in,” Kyuhyun stated, pushing back from Hankyung momentarily,

“Naturally,” Hankyung replied before pulling Kyuhyun against him, his lips against Kyuhyun’s neck,

“This is… the last time,” Kyuhyun let his hands roam about his hyung’s naked torso, “Until I… graduate.”

Hankyung smiled against his skin, his kisses feathering up towards his ear, “Don’t kid yourself,” his words tickling Kyuhyun’s ear,

Kyuhyun suddenly backed out of Hankyung’s embraced, “I’m serious!” He insisted, his hand against Hankyung’s chest to stop him from approaching,

“I bet you are,” Hankyung said, his eyes licking over Kyuhyun as if he would devour him, as if he had been starving himself for the past seven months.

“I refuse to be with you until I’m worthy,” Kyuhyun stated firmly, “Until you don’t have to protect me anymore!”

“You talk too much,” Hankyung shook his head as he grabbed the hand at his chest and jerked Kyuhyun to him. A hand at Kyuhyun’s hip, he held him against him, “And don’t you ever give me bullshit like not being worthy. And maybe I like protecting you.”

“Are you crazy? Why the hell would you like protecting me? I’m not a kid.” Kyuhyun questioned as those feather-light kisses began again along his jaw line,

“I know you’re not a kid. And I like protecting you, because I love you,” Hankyung stated simply, stopping his kisses long enough to gaze deeply into Kyuhyun’s eyes, “I love you, so let me protect you. I want to protect the one I love… You… you still love me, right?” He felt his heart stop in anticipation.

Kyuhyun stared at Hankyung as the question washed him free of any coldness, “Of course I do,” He replied, his words releasing the heaviness that had long plagued him. He captured Hankyung’s lips with his own, “I will always love you,” he promised against his kiss. Suddenly he pulled back enough to glare at Hankyung, “And if you ever let someone separate us again…” He trailed off, his voice wavering again.

Hankyung brushed his lips gently against Kyuhyun’s, pushing away any doubts. Then their lips were together and moving with one another in a slow and drugging kiss.

Hankyung broke the kiss for just a moment to gaze down at Kyuhyun’s eyes, glazed with true desire and absolute love; “You think I’m stupid enough to lose you a second time?”

Kyuhyun answered him by pulling him in for another kiss.

Kyuhyun pulled his lips away from Hankyung’s as he bit down hard on his lip to stop from screaming. The classroom wall at his back suddenly felt not sturdy enough to keep him up. Hankyung had one arm wrapped around his waist, holding them together and his other hand was between them. He unzipped Kyuhyun’s black dress pants, freeing him. Hankyung wrapped his fingers around Kyuhyun and stroked him vigorously as his lips kissed a line down the column of his slender neck.

He ran the tip of his tongue up Kyuhyun’s throat, sending electricity and a shiver through the younger man’s body.

“Hankyung,” Kyuhyun breathed, his breathing hitching higher and higher as Hankyung’s hand grew rougher and rougher,

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to have you in my old classroom?” Hankyung murmured as he began to suck on the pulse point in Kyuhyun’s neck,

“Hankyung… I… have… to…” Kyuhyun trailed off as his hyung’s hand tightened around him gloriously,

“Orgasm?” Hankyung offered,

“Graduate!” Kyuhyun exclaimed exasperatedly as he clenched his eyes tightly as Hankyung’s hand began to move faster and faster,

“Oh… but isn’t my suggestion so. Much. Better?” Hankyung teased, his lips at Kyuhyun’s ear.

“I’m… not… kidding!” Kyuhyun took a steadying breath as he pushed Hankyung away.

“Fine,” Hankyung smirked at him as he crossed his arms and watched as Kyuhyun controlled himself and zipped up his pants. “But we’re finishing this at home.”

“Home?” Kyuhyun blinked confusedly,

“Well, where else are you going to live now that you’re graduating?” Hankyung asked as he closed the distance between them and fixed the black graduation gown Kyuhyun wore over his suit, “I’m sure Eunhyuk and Sungmin mean to move out of that dorm you’ve all been sharing,” He said casually as he handed Kyuhyun his graduation cap, “Especially now that graduation’s come around.”

“Live? You mean… with you?” Kyuhyun gaped,

Hankyung rolled his eyes, arms crossed loosely about his torso, “I thought you’re supposed to be smart to graduate?”

“Don’t toy with me Hankyung,” Kyuhyun warned, grabbing his shoulders tightly, “Is this just another way for you to protect me!?”

“Yes,” Hankyung answered simply as he reached out and grabbed Kyuhyun’s hips, pulling him against him, “Why? You got a problem with it?”

Kyuhyun gazed at Hankyung and offered him a small smile, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

And they sealed their deal with a kiss.

(For the spinoff, Untamed Desires)


Anonymous said...

me first

Anonymous said...

waaaahh. omo, it's so darn good. when you wrote a clenching heart my heart clenched too as i read it. i'm so glad it's a happy ending. can't wait for the spinoff :]

Anonymous said...

happy happy happpy
wouldnt it be the third time?

Anonymous said...

i'm so glad i clicked on your links.
love, sacrifice, truth.
amazing dear :)
i'll be on the lookout for your spinoff~~!

followurdestiny said...

♥ Yay! Happy ending! :D loved it! Will look out for more of your writing!

Anonymous said...

uwa, that was just pure ♥!!! D: ♥
I'm so definitely going to be reading this series over and over! >3< ♥

I just loved it from beginning to end, and I really liked the HanChul relationship ♥

I was also surprised that Siwon was the head! O.O!
At first, I was hoping that maybe they, Hankyung and Siwon, were friends or something, you know, then maybe he'd bail Hankyung out or something... >__>;;

ohh, and I can't wait to read the spinoffs~! >o< ♥♥♥

ugh, now I have to do my homework... o__<;;
*is 2 in the morning* TT___TT;;;

Anonymous said...

OMG! heechul is always a win whether he in the serious or in a happy character... i just love him so much...
and kyuhyun, my heart clenched too everytime he got hurt. both character was just so sweet to each other...
wait, is the spinoff is the sequel for this too? oh, yay!

Anonymous said...

awww sooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeee

im such a sucker for happy endings

after evrything that they had to go through, they're now together, where they belong

iwufsuju said...

another great series...

i am so happy that finally hankyu can be together... and becauce of this fic, i started to like hankyu couple...

Anonymous said...

I was so into it that I really forgot to comment on the other parts XD

Wow, this is great. I love it o.o (Really, I love those stories a bit too much. I think I should watch myself around my teachers from now on o.o)

(Especially if I have a young and gorgeous Asiatic teacher like Hankyung *__*)

(Which probably never will happen, so I should be safe XD)

Anyway... I'll go read the spinoff!!! -flails arms-

Anonymous said...

Oh! I already read the spinoff!

And here I thought THIS fic came after the Kangteuk one! -realisation-

Well, I'll read your other fics then!! *__*

(I'm starting to look like a psycho, am I not? XD)