“What is it like to be in love?”

“Free. It feels free, like there’s nothing that can stop me, nothing can hold me down.
It feels as if I can do anything because of love and I’m free of the fear of failure because,
even if I can’t do everything, at least at the end of the day,
there’s still me and him. When all else fails, love won’t.”

Reign on Me series

Monday, October 26, 2009

[song] It's All the Same

words: 1845
rate: PG
song: "Same Script, Different Cast" - Whitney Houston feat. Deborah Cox


He knew for awhile something was wrong with Heechul.

It began with Heechul constantly asking him about his day. Then that proceeded to Heechul always asking to spend time with him outside of practices. However, it wasn’t until the day that he received a note from Heechul that all became clear. A sticky-note had been left on his pillow one day and it could have come from only one person (the paper was in the shape of a pink flower). On that note were just five simple words:

Please say no to Hankyung.

After reading the note, he could do nothing but crumple it in one fist and toss it towards the garbage can. What else was he supposed to do, agree to the note? After all, Heechul was Hankyung’s ex-boyfriend. So, he tossed the note and ignored it. Quite frankly, he ignored Heechul’s phone calls and text messages and emails afterwards, also.

A week after he had begun to date Hankyung, he found himself unable to ignore Heechul any longer. He had come out of the bathroom, dressed for the day and when he called for his other hyungs, no one answered. Curious, he went towards the living room and found Heechul there alone.

“Oh, hi,” he muttered as he turned back towards his bedroom,

“You’ve been ignoring me, Kyuhyun,” Heechul stated, standing up from the couch.

Kyuhyun swung around to face him, “What do you expect? You stick to me like glue for a week, and then you tell me to turn down Hankyung… Now you’re hounding my cell phone, my inbox and even the dorm’s answering machine. You’ve been acting the role of crazy ex-boyfriend for the past two weeks, Heechul!”

“Just tell me one thing then,” Heechul said, crossing his arms loosely about his torso, “When he asked you to date him, what did he say to you?”

“Go away, hyung,” Kyuhyun sighed,

“DAMN IT, KYUHYUN, I’M NOT CRAZY!” Heechul exclaimed.

Kyuhyun blinked. He had seen his hyung pissed before, miffed even. Never before had he seen him so angry and agitated and frustrated all at once. Sighing heavily, he decided to humour him just this once, “He told me he liked my voice.”

“I’ve heard that,” he muttered, turning away from Kyuhyun,

“What?”

“What else did he say?” Heechul asked,

“He… he said he liked my smile,” Kyuhyun stated, “He said when I smiled it was like-”

“-The sun reflecting off snowflakes in winter?” Heechul offered as he walked towards the balcony doors,

Kyuhyun felt his mouth go dry, felt his heart begin to beat faster, harder inside his chest, “Y-yes… H-how… How did you know that?”

“Because that’s what he said to me too,” Heechul said quietly, just loud enough for Kyuhyun to hear, “That’s how he got me to fall for him, too.”

“What are you saying, hyung?” Kyuhyun asked, his hands beginning to fist at his side,

“What I’m saying is that everything you’re going through, everything you’re feeling… I’ve been there before, Kyuhyun, and all with Hankyung,” Heechul explained, “When I realized he had turned his attention to you, I started paying attention to your reaction to him and it’s similar – if not the exact same – to how I was when he first started paying attention to me.”

Kyuhyun felt his heart pounding harder; he felt his heart rebelling against Heechul’s words. However, for some reason, his mind wasn’t turning away from his hyung the way his heart was. For some reason, his mind was acknowledging some silent ring of truth in his hyung’s words; his heart rebelled even more.

“If… If… IF… I were to acknowledge some truth in your words… w-why should I even believe you?” Kyuhyun demanded, “W-why shouldn’t I, instead, believe that these are the jealous words of an ex-boyfriend?”

“These are the words of a jealous ex-boyfriend, Kyuhyun,” Heechul said honestly as he walked towards the nearby computer desk and picked up a framed photograph of all thirteen Super Junior members after Kyuhyun had returned from the April accident; “Honestly, I can’t deny that part of the reason I’m here is because I’m jealous of you. I’m jealous that you have his eye now, that you have his attention and affection now. I’m jealous that you have all of his time.”

He uncrossed one arm, a fingertip dragging over the smooth glass, lingering on Hankyung’s smiling face before moving on and briefly kissing Shiwon’s face, “But the other part of why I’m here is because I wish the one before me had warned me… told me. If Shiwon… if he had guessed for a moment that Hankyung was playing me the way he played him... he never said anything.” He practically slammed the frame back down on the desk as he turned to face Kyuhyun once more, “He never said a damn word.”

“Y-you’re lying,” Kyuhyun stammered, eyes narrowing, “There’s no way Hankyung could’ve played all three of us! There’s no way he could’ve done that! He’s not like that! He’s not!”

“You think I never thought that!?” Heechul demanded, “You think I like thinking this about him? I tried to talk to Shiwon about it, Kyuhyun. I asked him how Hankyung was like with him, but Shiwon won’t talk-”

“That’s because Hankyung’s not a player! Shiwon didn’t say anything because there was nothing to talk about!” Kyuhyun defended,

“Shiwon didn’t talk because he was still hurting!” Heechul countered, “Shiwon didn’t say anything because despite putting on a smile for me when I was with Hankyung, it killed him!”

“So now you’re here talking to me because it kills you to see me with Hankyung!” Kyuhyun accused,

“YES, DAMN YOU!” Heechul exclaimed, slamming a fist onto the computer desk and causing the frame to topple over. “It kills me so much, Kyuhyun! It kills me so damn much that I cannot even begin to explain to you how much my heart physically hurts! But that doesn’t mean I want you to get hurt too! I want to stop this before you get hurt just like Shiwon and I!”

“Y-you’re wrong,” Kyuhyun managed, the pain in his chest spreading upwards to his throat, causing him to choke on his own voice; “E-even if he did hurt you and Shiwon-hyung… even then, he’s changed. I know he has. He can’t… he can’t talk to me the way he does, act with me the way he does, make l-l-love… he just can’t do all of those things if he didn’t change!”

“Your first date was a movie, wasn’t it?”

Kyuhyun nodded.

“The second date was a walk in the park at night; no one around and just the stars to look at… Am I right?”

Kyuhyun nodded again; this time more stiffly.

“The third date he makes dinner for you. As he’s clearing the dishes, a hand brushes, you meet his eye and a kiss becomes so much more… r-right?”

Heechul’s voice was strained at this point and Kyuhyun could no longer feel any heat in his body. He wanted his body to move, to run away from the memories that Heechul had flawlessly detailed. How? How did he know about their first three dates? How did he know how things happened that third night that led to…

“Kyuhyun, am I right?” Heechul repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Y-y-you’re wrong,” Kyuhyun managed; “He loves me… I know he does… I’m not like you and Shiwon… I won’t end up like you and Shiwon… He… Hankyung loves me. It’s your fault you didn’t love him enough-”

“I LOVED HIM MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW!” Heechul exclaimed, his hand fisting on the computer desk; “I loved him for so long, Kyuhyun… I loved him before we even debuted. I did love him enough, Kyuhyun, I loved him so much and I still love him; so don’t you ever fucking question my love for Hankyung. If anything is wrong, it’s him.”

“W-what do you mean?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice quiet and weakened from Heechul’s passionate declaration,

“The moment I told Hankyung that I loved him, that’s when the relationship ended,” Heechul stated, his voice eerily quiet as his eyes blazed with a dark fury, “I gave him everything but he threw it back at me.”

“No… No… No, no, no – you’re –”

“Wrong?” Heechul raised a single eyebrow, “Then go ahead… Go tell Hankyung how you feel; tell him you love him and we’ll see what happens.” When Kyuhyun said nothing, Heechul lowered his eyebrow and then narrowed them both, as he grounded out: “I would bet my life that Hankyung had broken up with Shiwon after Shiwon confessed to him… I would bet all I have that Shiwon said those three damn words to Hankyung and that’s what made him leave Shiwon.”

A knock at the door interrupted them both. Kyuhyun spun around and practically lunged at the door as if trying to escape. When he tore the door open, Hankyung stood there, smiling.

“Ready to go out?” He asked,

Kyuhyun blinked a moment before nodding slowly, turning to the shoe rack and slipping on his shoes. As he did so, Hankyung noticed Heechul standing at the other end of the living room and greeted him. Heechul said nothing, but raised a hand in a small salute.

When Kyuhyun was done tying his shoelaces, he straightened and looked to Hankyung. Taking his hand, Kyuhyun looked directly into Hankyung’s handsome, dark eyes, “Hankyung… I… I love you.”

In that instant, it felt to Kyuhyun as if time had slowed down. He watched as unknown emotions passed through those dark eyes he got lost in. He watched as Hankyung blinked three times before he smiled and looked away, “Yeah, same,” he said in a flippant and light tone as he slipped his hand from Kyuhyun’s grasp. He called goodbye to Heechul and led the way out of the dorm.

Five heartbeats passed before Kyuhyun found the strength to move. Before he left, he looked over his shoulder at Heechul who was watching him. He was startled by the emotions he saw on his hyung’s face. He conveyed not jealousy or anger; he didn’t even show smugness as Kyuhyun expected him to. Instead, Heechul looked at him with sad, pitying eyes. Kyuhyun could feel that pain his chest increase as his heart began to finally synchronize with his mind. Taking a deep steadying breath, he forced himself to move, forced himself to walk away and close the door; but he couldn’t force away the pain.

Heechul watched as the door closed after his dongsaeng. Sighing heavily, he looked towards the fallen framed photograph. Reaching to pick it up, he was surprised to find his hand trembling. When he picked up the frame, his eyes took in the sight of all thirteen members with lips curved in smiles and laughter in their eyes. As his eyes swept over the photograph, his vision slowly blurred with the hot sting of tears. However, it didn’t distort the photograph as much as the cracked glass it was encased in.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

GRRR, i really really hate Hankyung in this. Shiwon and Heechul weren't enough but he just had to hurt Kyuhyun >____>

Blahhh *rage rage rage*
still, i enjoyed reading this tho ^^ and i kinda wish Kyuhyun and Heechul would get together xD *is biased*
but this was lovely <3 even thought jerk!hankyung pissed me off >:(

jishu said...

e Hankyung would just keep on doing that @_@ ugh~ I hate Hankyung here >.<;;;

redpanda said...

this was such a good plot. even though chul is seen as the asshole it's good to see him looking out for his dongsaeng. and gosh i have a feeling he hasn't changed much and that hannie is gonna hurt kyu as well.

whatxsarahxsaid said...

I also didn't like Hankyung here, which I think was part of the point. haha. Poor Siwon, Heechul, and now Kyuhyun. What a player Hankyung was. Ugh. *clings to all three boys*

followurdestiny said...

Geng is really hateful here (but my bias for him keeps on making excuses for him)...

Poor Chul, Won and Kyu though...
*hugs them*

well written XD