(Day 8 of the Fanfiction series.)
It was late one evening when the members of Super Junior-M were returning back from filming a show in China. Shiwon was the first through the door, stretching his arms to the ceiling as he walked inside the dorm when he let out an exclamation,
“OH MY BUDDHA!”
As the other SJ-M members piled into the dorm, they looked at he peculiarly,
“What did you say?” Zhou Mi asked,
“Isn’t it ‘oh my God’?” Ryeowook looked at Henry who nodded in silent confirmation,
“I’m just trying something new out,” Shiwon explained, turning to the members, “I was reading a story earlier and it was saying how I’m crazy religious and how I condemn everyone and try to convert everyone – and that’s just not true.”
“It’s not bad to be religious, hyung,” Kyuhyun insisted as he slipped off his shoes,
“I know, but some stories are making me out to be some… some ‘bible-pusher’?” He looked at Henry to ensure he had used the proper English term. The Canadian nodded once more as he put his jacket away in a closet, “And I’m not like that at all!”
“Then just make it a bit more modern when you talk about your religion. Say you’re God’s homeboy, hyung or that you’re down with G-O-D, or something,” Henry suggested. “That ‘although you walked through the valley of death’ you came out of it and you ‘saw the sign’. Tell them that when you found the ‘notorious G-O-D’ that you went ‘bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.’ That the Big Guy said ‘I’ve been watching you like a hawk in the sky, at night and you are my prey. I know that if we keep bumping heads, I know that just one of these days, we gonna hook it up’ and so you started going to church.
“So you went to church and were scared at first, but you heard God say: ‘Say my name, say my name’ and so you did! You shouted it loud and proud! That you prayed: ‘From that morning, that this life is over, I know I’ll see Your shining face’!
“But see, through your life you’ve had trouble keeping your faith strong and unwavering. There were times when you would cry out ‘I wish that you would call me right now. So, that I could get through to you somehow’. But you knew you had a strong faith and prayed: ‘Everything that used to matter don't matter no more, like my money, all my cars - You can have it all and flowers, cards and candy. I do it just because. I said I'm fortunate to have you, God, I want you to know I really adore you’! ” Henry exclaimed, punching a fist enthusiastically into the air, “And that is why you shouldn’t mind the fanfictions that comment on your passion for your religion, Shiwon-hyung!”
However, it was late. He was tired and had reverted to speaking in English. So, the other members present were all staring at him confusedly. He sighed, stabbed his hand through his thick hair and said simply in Korean, “Pray to God for strength.”
“What you said and what you translated ridiculously don’t add up in length, Henry.”
“OH MY BUDDHA!” Henry, who had begun to groggily head off to his bedroom, suddenly spun towards the living room and gaped, “HEECHUL!?”
Hankyung, who had been the last to enter the dorm, looked up suddenly, “What? Why are you here!?” He pushed through the other members to stand before Heechul who sat on one of the leather couches.
“I wanted to remind you that I am not ugly,” Heechul stated simply, crossing one knee over the other as he loosely folded his arms about his torso, blankly starring up at the towering Chinese man.
“This was two days ago,” Shiwon muttered resentfully as he kicked his shoes off, “We were talking about me.”
“What was that?” Ryeowook asked,
“Nothing,” Shiwon replied, leaning a shoulder against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest,
“Hyung, the bible says that the meek shall inherit the earth,” Kyuhyun said solemnly, the smirk on his face belying any true support or admonishment he may have been trying to give.
“I don’t want to inherit the earth,” Shiwon murmured, shooting a glare at the younger man, “Just my own topic for the damn challenge.”
“Didn’t you have a complaint a few days ago? Before we even left Korea?” Zhou Mi inquired,
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Shiwon lied,
“Of course you do,” Donghae said and then jumped onto Shiwon’s back, hanging off of him easily, “It was about how you’re not cuddly at all.”
“Hankyung-hyung!” Shiwon whined,
Hankyung looked over, “Donghae, stop climbing Shiwon and stop telling him he’s not cuddly. Shiwon, you are like a giant tree – a cuddly tree – so fight your own battles,” he looked at Heechul, “and Heechul, why the hell did you have to travel all the way to China? You could’ve emailed me a photo!”
“The only photos I’d want to send you… well, it’d be very bad if anyone accidentally got those instead of you,” Heechul said simply.
When the leader’s face began to go very red, the others turned their attention to Shiwon.
“Wait, so this is your second complaint?” Zhou Mi asked,
“Greed is one of the seven deadly sins, hyung,” Kyuhyun shook his head in disappointment, “You of all people should know this.”
“Oh. My. Buddha.” Shiwon turned to him, “You’re supporting the fanfictions? You probably write them yourself, don’t you Kyuhyun? You do – don’t you!? You don’t play video games! YOU SIT AT YOUR LAPTOP WRITING SUPER JUNIOR FANFICTIONS ALL DAY! YOU SECRETLY HATE VIDEO GAMES!”
Kyuhyun gasped, a hand flying to his own mouth, “You bite your tongue, Choi Shiwon! Those are blasphemous words!” He turned towards Zhou Mi who had grabbed his hand and began tugging him towards their room, “You will rue this day, Shiwon! RUE!” After they heard a door slamming, an identifying creak signalled its reopening, “THAT’S RIGHT! I SAID ‘RUE’!” The second door slam was, surely, the last of it.
Shiwon sighed, “I have a headache now.”
“You have a headache? I have a Heechul! That’s like ten of them,” Hankyung stated.
“Oh, I’ll give you ten of something later,” Heechul said saucily, giving him an obvious wink.
Shiwon looked to the remaining members, each with their own paled and terrified expressions. He sighed heavily, “Oh my Buddha.”
Donghae, who had disobeyed Hankyung and was still on Shiwon’s back, gently patted the taller man on the head, “See Shiwon, the fanfiction writers are all wrong! You’ve already forgotten you’re Christian.”
So, Henry's odd speech. Italicized parts come from lyrics of different songs. What are the songs? Here's the list:
(Note, I changed some part of the lyrics to match what he was monologuing)
Gangster's Paradise - Busta Rhymes
The Sign - Ace of Base
parody on Notorious B.I.G.
Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
Are You that Somebody - Aaliyah
Say My Name - Destiny's Child
I'll be Missing You - Puff Daddy feat Faith Evans
Officially Missing You - Tamia
You Got it Bad - Usher
(Tomorrow, Day 9: Hankyung's Korean Lessons)