[00SJ2] Eeteuk is Umma

words: 863
rate: PG13
(Day 2 of the Fanfiction series.)


“Heechul’s right!”

Kangin clapped a hand over Eeteuk’s mouth, “Hyung! Don’t say that so loud!”

“Heechul’s not even home,” Eeteuk practically growled, prying Kangin’s hand from his lips,

“He’ll find out what you said somehow,” Kangin stated as he sat back on the couch, crossing his arms loosely, “He always knows everything.”

“Well, I will go right up to him, tell him he’s right and gladly call him hyung,” Eeteuk exclaimed as he turned his gaze back to his laptop which sat precariously on his lap,

“What’s all the yelling?” Hankyung murmured as he appeared, rubbing his eyes sleepily. With only SJ-M’s performance that evening, he decided to sleep in. He trudged over to the adjacent couch and plopped down, hugging a pillow to his chest as he leaned against the armrest, “What’s wrong?”

“Eeteuk hyung started reading fanfiction today,” Kangin explained as he grabbed the television remote and began changing the channels, “And now he’s being melodramatic.”

“I AM NOT BEING MELODRAMATIC!” Eeteuk exclaimed, eyes narrowed dangerously at his laptop screen,

“Yes you –”

“I’M A WOMAN!” Eeteuk turned his gaze ruthlessly to Hankyung who had suddenly sat up straighter, eyes wide, “In almost every story I’ve read, I’m always the mother of the Super Junior family.”

“Hyung… you really are like our group’s mother,” Hankyung stated tentatively as Kangin silently signalled him by shaking his head,

“Well why can’t I be the father, hmm? Why is it always this one,” he gestured with his thumb to the offending member beside him, “That’s the father while I’m the mother?”

“Because Kangin wouldn’t look good in a wedding dress?” Hankyung offered, somehow managing to keep his expression straight,

A sound very much like a growl emitted from the leader’s mouth before turning his deadly gaze back to the laptop screen, “I’m older, I’m a man too… I DO NOT HAVE A UTERUS NOR HAVE I BIRTHED ELEVEN-” He glanced at Hankyung who nodded, seemingly understanding the silent request, “NOR HAVE I BIRTHED THIRTEEN CHILDREN!”

“Imagine how fertile I’d have to be to help you accomplish that?” Kangin said as he continued switching the channels,

“Not. Helping,” Eeteuk grounded out, deciding to save his energy and not glare at the younger man. Instead, he focused all of his energy on his laptop as he found story after story where he was the mother, if not mother-figure, of Super Junior.

“When did he start reading?” Hankyung inquired,

Kangin glanced towards the wall clock before looking back at the television, “Over two hours ago.”

“And you still haven’t tried to take away his laptop from him?” Hankyung asked sleepily as he leaned against the armrest once more,

“I did try. He’s only been reading for an hour,” Kangin replied casually.

“Oh- ugh! Kangin,” Hankyung shook his head, “I just woke up! For a father, you’re very keen on traumatizing your children!”

“I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!” Eeteuk spat,

“And if we had to hear about you and Heechul last night, you can survive this,” Kangin retorted,

“At least your disciplining skills are good,” Hankyung muttered, crossing his arms as he settled deeper into the corner of the couch,

“I AM NOT -,” Eeteuk turned his gaze to the supposed father-figure of Super Junior, “Kangin! Make him stop!”

Kangin lowered the remote and looked at him, blinking. He looked past Eeteuk to Hankyung. He looked back at Eeteuk, “Are the fanfictions getting to you? Because, he’s older… and he does martial arts…”

“Take control of your child!” Eeteuk exclaimed,

Kangin blinked before stating slowly, “Teukie… Hankyung is not our child… None of the other members are our children… and Kyuhyun is sure as hell not our child-”

“He is akin to the spawn of Satan lately,” Hankyung nodded his agreement,

Kangin slowly reached out and closed Eeteuk’s laptop, pulling it from his lap, “You’ve been reading too many fanfictions and it’s only been one day since Heechul began this stupid challenge.”

“You’d be upset, too, if you were emasculated in the fictional world,” Eeteuk accused as he stood up and headed for the phone, picking it up and dialling furiously,

Kangin placed the laptop on the coffee table before him, “What are you doing now?” He sighed heavily,

“Calling Jaejoong,” Eeteuk muttered in a slight whine, “He’ll understand my pain. If I’m Super Junior’s mother, he’s DBSK’s mother.” He placed the phone to his ear, “Hello? Yunho? I want to talk to your wife!”

Kangin and Hankyung watched as Eeteuk disappeared into the kitchen, his ranting continuing over the phone as, presumably, Yunho knowingly handed the phone over to Jaejoong. Kangin and Hankyung exchanged exasperated gazes.

“I pity Yunho-sshi too,” Hankyung shook his head,

“Yunho? Pity me!” Kangin exclaimed, gesturing towards the kitchen with a shake of his head, “That’s my wife!”

Suddenly, a yell echoed from the kitchen, “I AM NOT YOUR WIFE! YOU’RE MINE, BITCH!”

Kangin rolled his eyes as he raised the remote control again. He muttered dryly, “Such a sweet-talker.”

“He’s a mean mother,” Hankyung muttered, turning his gaze to the television as he hugged the pillow tighter.

A loud command came from the kitchen, silencing them both, “DON’T MAKE ME GROUND YOU!”


(Day 3: Shiwon hugs teddy bears)