“What is it like to be in love?”

“Free. It feels free, like there’s nothing that can stop me, nothing can hold me down.
It feels as if I can do anything because of love and I’m free of the fear of failure because,
even if I can’t do everything, at least at the end of the day,
there’s still me and him. When all else fails, love won’t.”

Reign on Me series

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

[spin] Fated to Break

words: 5451
rate: NC17
(Part of the Fated series.)

“I love Kangin…”

It had been a month since Eeteuk had finally realized that sentiment. Super Junior was finish with their promotions for the year, concentrating on their individual activities and plans for their next album. The tension which had been in the group for a period of three months had finally lessened - and then died - in the month following Eeteuk’s realization.

The unease within the group had been started when Eeteuk had brutally broken up with Kangin during a dance practice. The three months that followed that incident were filled with changes that no one could have predicted. Kangin, who had grown quite introverted after the incident, had begun to develop feelings for another member. That member had been the first to comfort him, to always be there for him, to never allow Kangin to push him away. That member was Sungmin.

Simultaneously, Eeteuk had grown pensive. He would still smile and laugh when the occasion called for it. However, all the other times, he would sit there silently, just thinking and - what no one realized - remembering. He remembered the relationship with the girl who had first broken him. He remembered his vow never to allow someone to love him, never to allow himself to love again. He remembered Kangin’s declaration and how he repaid it by breaking Kangin. Without realizing it, Eeteuk had fallen in love with Kangin. Unfortunately, by the time he realized it, Kangin and Sungmin were already together.

It was a day, a month or so after that time, that Eeteuk was sitting in the radio station with Eunhyuk as they hosted Sukira. During one of the breaks, Eeteuk furtively glanced at their guests for that show, Kangin and Sungmin. Sungmin was saying something and Kangin was smiling at him. Eventually, the latter laughed out loud and Eeteuk felt his heart jolt alive at the sound. When Kangin reached out and grabbed Sungmin’s hand, however, he felt his heart drop like a rock once more. He pushed away from the desk and stood up, excusing himself.

He was out in the hallway, hunched over a water fountain. He wasn’t thirsty, but he had to get away. For a month now he had to put up with seeing the two together. What hurt even more was that Kangin had begun to speak to him again, but it was far from the familiarity they once shared. He had realized too late that he loved Kangin.

“You had your chance.”

Eeteuk sputtered as he looked up. Eunhyuk was leaning against the wall beside the fountain. Hands in his pockets, his eyes stared ahead at the opposite wall of the hallway rather than at Eeteuk. Eeteuk straightened and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. He moved back towards the room,

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he stated.

“Maybe… maybe not… but you know I’m right,” Eunhyuk said as he pushed away from the wall and came abreast with Eeteuk.

“Don’t be stupid,” Eeteuk scowled at him, “I broke up with him, remember?”

“Yeah, well… you’d never guess that from how you were watching them just now,” Eunhyuk replied as he reached for the doorknob.

Eeteuk grabbed his wrist, stopping him, “What… what if I told you I had made a mistake?”

“Your mistake had devastated Kangin, hyung… none of us knew if he would bounce back,” Eunhyuk stated simply,

“You don’t think I know that?” Eeteuk hissed before he sighed and released Eunhyuk’s wrist, “I… I realized too late, Eunhyuk.”

Eunhyuk gripped the doorknob for a moment before replying, “Make sure Kangin never finds out.”

“Why not?” Eeteuk demanded,

“Because for the first time since it happened, Kangin-hyung actually looks happy again. We don’t know how Sungmin did it, but he kept hyung afloat. If you told him your feelings… it might make him sink again,” Eunhyuk said steadily as he slowly turned the knob, “I know this is hard for you, but you can’t tell him, hyung. Kangin doesn’t deserve to be hurt again… and you don’t deserve Kangin.”

With Eunhyuk’s words fresh in his mind, Eeteuk stood there, frozen, as Eunhyuk pushed the door open and went in ahead of him.

As Kangin’s hand slipped away from Sungmin’s, he sat forward again as Eunhyuk re-entered the studio to continue the radio show. As he was pulling his headphones back on, Eeteuk entered the room, the door closing behind him with a barely-audible click. He tilted his head towards the papers before him on the desk, but his eyes subtly followed Eeteuk.

Something was off with the leader, that much Kangin knew. After being his best friend for years, after being intimate with him for a brief time, it was hard for Kangin not to know Eeteuk. As his friend, he knew Eeteuk’s habits, his mannerisms and his tone of voice. As his lover, Kangin knew how Eeteuk moved, what it took to make him scream and what that scream sounded like. He swallowed hard as the words before him blurred on the page. He slightly shook his head, dispelling the thoughts and memories of a time long past.

Sungmin pressed his back against the window, the cool of the glass seeping through his shirt as he heard the shades bend behind him. He gripped the window sill tightly as he tried to keep himself from slipping off. Then again, it would be hard to slip off with his bare legs hooked over Kangin’s shoulders as he knelt before Sungmin. He bit down on his lip hard as Kangin began to suck on him. With his hands gripping Sungmin’s thighs, Kangin moved his head up and down on Sungmin as he let his mouth do the work. His tongue swished and swirled about Sungmin as his lips massaged. He tasted salty and what he could only define as Sungmin.

Sungmin felt as if he were on fire. His hands felt weak, even though his knuckles whitened from their tight grip on the wooden frame. His lungs laboured for air while he tried to stifle his cries. He felt a pressure building, located right where Kangin’s mouth was driving him crazy. At first he was doing all he could to remain seated on Kangin’s bedroom window sill. Now, he could feel his hips lift instinctively, pressing further into Kangin’s hot mouth. He gripped the window sill tighter, only to stop himself from grabbing Kangin’s head to drive himself harder between his sinful lips.

“K-Kangin,” Sungmin murmured, his head thrown back against the cool glass, praying that no one would look up at the window, despite them being shrouded in darkness and the shades drawn.

“Hmm?” He replied absent-mindedly as he released Sungmin from his mouth, only to lazily draw his tongue along his full, hardened length.

“B-bed,” he practically whimpered.

Kangin carefully stood up, Sungmin’s legs unhooking from his shoulders, coming to rest on his hips. Kangin reached for Sungmin’s backside, hoisting him from the sill. His hands gripped Sungmin’s bottom firmly, as he turned towards his bed. With a barely-swallowed yelp, Sungmin gripped Kangin’s shoulders tightly, not caring at all for his precarious position as Kangin walked them over to the bed. Instead of being thrown on the bed as he half expected, or feeling himself fall backwards onto the mattress with Kangin as his other half expected, Sungmin found himself sitting astride Kangin as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Before Sungmin could protest, Kangin locked their lips. He kissed him hard and demandingly, not waiting for an invitation before his tongue probed into Sungmin’s mouth. His tongue teased and tasted Sungmin as his hands never left Sungmin’s backside, keeping him firmly flush against his own lower half. His teeth playfully nipped on Sungmin’s bottom lip, his tongue traced it before he gently sucked on it. He felt Sungmin try to pull back and break the kiss. He raised one hand to the nape of his neck and held his head captive. He angled his lips more over Sungmin’s and deepened the kiss even more, his tongue sweeping in once more.

Sungmin tasted himself on Kangin’s tongue, mixed with the flavour he knew to be Kangin’s natural taste. Soon, he felt his hands which had at one point been griping Kangin’s shoulders soon loosen their grip. Then, instinctively, his hands slid so his arms surrounded his hyung’s shoulders, embracing him. He felt Kangin’s tongue teasing his own the way his mouth had been teasing a different part of his anatomy just moments ago. That beloved appendage of his throbbed mercilessly, none too pleased to have been abandoned.

As if reading his mind, Kangin held him more firmly against him. Sungmin gasped into his mouth as he felt his lower body - his very naked lower body - come in contact with the roughness of Kangin’s jeans. He tried to move his head away again, but Kangin’s damn hand held his head still. Kangin grinded his hips again and Sungmin shivered all over. Kangin had been working on him for what seemed like eternity, never allowing him to reach completion. Oh, he skirted the boundaries and dipped a toe into the waters, but he was never allowed to break free and plunge into their refreshing waves.

“K-Kangin… I… I want you,” Sungmin panted as he was finally free of their kiss, his forehead leaning against Kangin’s.

“I know,” Kangin’s own voice was gruff and hoarse as he held the other tightly, possessively as he ground into him harder and harder, his own arousal straining painfully against his jeans.

“Then fuck me already,” Sungmin managed before he bit down on a groan.

“Not until you cum-” Kangin began.

Sungmin gripped his face between his hands, forcing him to look at him, “Do. Not. Fuck. Around. With. Me,” He practically growled, “Just. Fuck. Me.”

Kangin couldn’t help the smug smirk that tugged at the corners of his lips. In a flash he had their positions reversed, Sungmin on the mattress and him on all fours above Sungmin. His forearms planted on the bed on either side of Sungmin’s head, he leaned down to brush his lips against the other’s, “As you wish,” he whispered.

His knees astride Sungmin, he knelt and with a tap on the younger man’s hip, directed him to roll onto his stomach. Kangin readjusted himself, coming between Sungmin’s legs as he undid his belt and jeans. He knew what Sungmin wanted. He had been working the younger man too long to take things slow and easy. No, what Sungmin wanted was to have it fast and hard and Kangin wasn’t the least bit reluctant to give it to him as thus.

He shoved his jeans and drawers to his knees then reached down, his hands on Sungmin’s hips. Immediately, Sungmin got up on hands and knees, his fingers gripping the blanket beneath him. He gritted his teeth, preparing himself for what was to come. Kangin entered him in one strong stroke. Sungmin threw his head back as he only managed to stifle a fraction of his groan. He dipped his back to bring his hips closer to Kangin.

Kangin gripped his hips firmly and began to move. He drove into Sungmin again and again, relentlessly, mercilessly as he barely kept his own moans in check. He felt Sungmin moving his hips against his, meeting his every thrust as best he could. From the moment he pulled Sungmin into his room earlier that evening, Kangin had been hard. When he had been sucking Sungmin off, he had grown even harder. Now that he was in Sungmin, feeling himself wrapped in hot wetness, he was harder than he ever been his entire life.

Sungmin gripped the sheets tightly as Kangin pounded into him. Eventually he lowered onto his forearms, his face pressed into the mattress, his teeth clamped down on the blankets as he muffled his screams. Kangin held his hips tightly, but his entire body was moving in conjunction with Kangin’s thrusts. He felt the bed beneath him shifting with the force of their joining and, had Kangin’s parents been home, he was sure they would hear tell-tale thumps of the bed against the wall.

It wasn’t just Kangin’s thrusts that was driving him to sheer madness. Oh, that was a big part of it, but the other part was that he was still damned hard from earlier. It throbbed and twitched for attention. It ached and itched to be touched and, had he the ability to service himself, Sungmin would’ve done so. He was about to yell against the mattress when he felt fingers wrap around him firmly. He practically sighed - or screamed - with pleasure when Kangin began to stroke him too.

Kangin knew Sungmin was close. He had been close all night, but Kangin had kept him at bay. Now, however, there was no stopping Sungmin and he didn’t try. He heard Sungmin’s panting between his moans and grunts. He felt Sungmin’s hip shaking beneath his hand and felt Sungmin pulsate in his other hand like a fruit ready to burst. He tightened his hand slightly around Sungmin and with a powerful thrust, pushed the younger man over the edge.

Sungmin felt wave after wave wash over him as he shuddered and shivered with completion. Kangin released him as he did, but then felt himself sandwiched between the bed and Kangin’s hard body. Kangin planted his hands on the mattress on either side of Sungmin’s shoulders as he thrust into him harder and faster. Sungmin still shook beneath him, his arousal spilling onto the blanket as he felt the blankets rub against him more and more and more still. The pressure against the blankets milked him, caused the vibrations of his release to continue after there wasn’t a drop left.

“Min… I… I…” He swallowed the two words that wanted to follow. Kangin curved over his smaller body, his forehead pressed between Sungmin’s shoulder blades as he felt Sungmin’s muscles clench around him. Sungmin’s ebbing release drew out Kangin’s completion. He groaned Sungmin’s name and thrust each time a hot-white wave swept over his body. He poured himself into Sungmin and pumped himself with the other’s body until he no longer had strength.

After the final ripples of their climaxes had dissipated, after they had wiped themselves off with the ruined blanket and tossed it into the corner of the room, after they had divested themselves completely, they lay on Kangin’s bed, atop the sheets. Naked and in each other’s arms, they lay there in the afterglow, their bodies humming in sweet surrender as they were surrounded by the thick musk of sex.

“I should shower and leave before your parents come home,” Sungmin said after a moment.

“The won’t be back from their work party for at least another hour,” Kangin murmured, his lips against the other’s cheek,

“Plenty of time to shower and leave,” Sungmin replied as he slowly sat up,

“How do you have the strength to move?” Kangin asked as he reluctantly sat up.

“Hmm… you’re right,” Sungmin mused as he stretched his arms towards the ceiling like a cat who had its milk, “You should piggyback me back to the dorm.”

“I have another suggestion,” Kangin practically growled as he pinned Sungmin down against the mattress again.

Before he even realized it, Kangin found himself face-down on the mattress, Sungmin’s hand against his lower back, “You forget… I know martial arts,” Sungmin teased playfully before scooting off the bed and looking for his strewn clothes.

“Oh, trust me, I never forget that,” Kangin insisted as he turned onto his back, pushing himself into a sitting position. His eyes followed Sungmin’s naked form move about the room, “You and martial arts? Talk about damn sexy.”

Sungmin stilled for the briefest of moments. Feeling his cheeks - his entire body, actually - heat with a blush, he continued picking up his clothes as he scowled at Kangin to help him.

Later that evening, Sungmin entered the apartment building feeling content. Impossibly sore, but thoroughly content. He caught sight of the elevator doors beginning to close and dashed over, sliding a hand between the metal, causing them to open again. He slipped in to find Eeteuk within,

“Hey hyung.”

“Hey,” Eeteuk forced a smile. When had it become awkward around his loving dongsaeng? One month ago, he answered himself almost immediately. It was when he realized that this dongsaeng was definitely loving, especially to another person whom Eeteuk also happened to love. “So where’ve you been off to?” He asked casually, even though he knew after Sukira, Sungmin and Kangin had left together.

“Ah, Kangin-hyung’s house,” Sungmin answered easily, not sensing the edginess in his friend, “You know hyung, I always knew you and Kangin had broken up for your own reasons… and I never took sides on the matter, but I had a feeling I needed to stay by Kangin’s. If you needed someone to support you…”

Eeteuk locked eyes with his dongsaeng. They were wide with silent questioning and shinning innocently. Sungmin was always kind-hearted and Eeteuk knew Sungmin saw the good in everyone; he’d hardly suspect the dark emotions churning within the Super Junior leader the past month. Such inhibited warmth, unbiased affection… Eeteuk had no doubts as to why Kangin would fall for Sungmin after his cruel treatment.

“No… I was the one to do the damage,” Eeteuk relented, “I had no right for someone’s support.”

“Still…” Sungmin looked at him, unconvinced, “Well, you’re Kangin’s best friend and-”

“I am?” Eeteuk blinked, “Still?”

“Of course,” Sungmin replied as if everyone knew. Eeteuk certainly didn’t. “And as thus, I thought you should be first to know… I think Kangin’s good again. I… I’m not trying to boast, I’m just saying… I don’t think anyone has to worry about him anymore.”

Eeteuk felt his heart twist. He wanted to be the one delivering such news. He didn’t want to be first to know, but the one who witnessed it. He wanted to tell others not to worry because only he could worry about Kangin. He wanted all of this and yet…

You don’t deserve Kangin.

He was the one who caused it all.

Eeteuk looked at Sungmin’s expectant eyes and somehow found the strength to smile. He tried to push the pain from his mind as he felt his lips form words. He forced them out against all will, “He’s lucky to have you, Sungmin-sshi.”

But you’re more lucky to have him, Eeteuk thought as the elevator doors slid open and Sungmin left. As the doors slid shut and the elevator headed to one floor above, Eeteuk let out the breath he had been holding that entire time. When he got out of the elevator, he collapsed weakly against the corridor wall. All his strength was being used to hold his newly-resurrected heart together.

Kangin sighed heavily as he looked over the top of the book he was reading. It was a few days later when he was sitting in a booth in a small café with Sungmin. The other sat across from him, sideways on the bench, his back against the wall. Sungmin had one arm lying on the table, holding a pencil as he thought of lyrics for their next album. Periodically he’d reach for his coffee mug and take a small sip before putting it down again, eyes narrowed slightly as he wrote a few words.

It was these quiet moments when Kangin felt the most peace. Matching his breathing with the subtle rise and fall of Sungmin’s chest, he furtively watched the younger man doing his work. After Eeteuk had broken up with him, he had felt lost, confused, thrown into the darkness. All that time, even when he could feel nothing but emptiness, Sungmin had been by his side. Sungmin had given him direction, talked him through it, and pulled him back into the light. Somewhere along the way, his deep gratitude for his dongsaeng changed into affection and that affection had changed into…

He blinked when Sungmin looked at him and caught his eye. He lowered the book to the table as Sungmin smiled at him warmly. That smile had brightened many days for Kangin. It had endured a thousand storms for him. It had made him hope again, feel warmth again, live again. He felt a fire blossom in his chest, but instead of burning him, it warmed his body like a mug of hot chocolate on a winter night. He felt it whenever Sungmin smiled or talked or just looked at him. As Sungmin returned to his work, Kangin acknowledged how precious Sungmin’s smile was to him now.

Suddenly, he wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell Sungmin, to hold him. He wanted to touch him, feel him, relish in the warmth he felt when Sungmin was near. He glanced around the near-empty café and silently rose from his seat in the booth and came around to Sungmin’s side. He made simple, inconsequential comments about the lyrics Sungmin was writing and then continued to read his book, remaining on the same bench as Sungmin.

Sungmin blinked, confused at the sudden switch of position. Shaking his head slightly, he returned back to his notes. He had barely begun to write again when his other hand felt a touch. He quickly glanced down to where his hand rested on the bench. Kangin’s closest hand had roamed over the small distance between them. That firm hand closed over his and held it firmly, securely.

Sungmin looked up at him, silently questioning him. However, Kangin didn’t pay him any heed, just continued to read. He felt the light squeeze of Kangin’s hand. Suddenly understanding his hyung’s want of just this simple skin ship, he smiled a small, private smile before turning back to his lyrics.

He decided to write a love song.

He couldn’t sleep. Actually, if he were to be completely honest, he hadn’t had a good night’s rest in a month. Eeteuk slipped from his bed and tiptoed from the room he shared with Donghae. Restless but not wanting to wake up the others, he walked through the dark dorm, escaping into the cool night air. Arms crossed on the railing, he tilted his face up to the soft glow of moon and stars partially covered by a thin blanket of clouds.

As a gentle wind embraced him, nothing chilled him more than his memories. Now more than ever, they plagued him. They filled his thoughts until he was drenched in guilt and regret. They pressed against his heart, weighing it down like lead in his chest. They surrounded him, engulfed him, consumed him until he was nothing but a shell with a broken heart.

“You’re full of bullshit, I hope you know that.

Kangin’s angry words rang in his ears as if he had just said them. They stabbed at him like little spikes, burned him like little flames until the pain that was just memories became physical and he couldn’t alleviate it.

“And I don’t give a shit what you say because damn it, I love you - why? I can’t even say right now, but I do.”

Such words were thrown with such anger. However, they still held the passion they eluded to. They were still said with love - pained, yes, but still love.

“And I’ll keep loving you no matter what the fuck you say!”

Bitterness and pain and fury laced those words Kangin had yelled. However, the memory of them still warmed Eeteuk. Despite the circumstances, it was still a declaration. He had still said ‘I love you’ and Eeteuk held onto that fact, no matter how transparent of a thing it was now.

He sighed heavily as he let his lids shut. He wished he could have realized his feelings sooner. He wished he could go back. He wished he could be with Kangin again. He wished he could break them up without hurting Sungmin and putting Super Junior in jeopardy. He wished so many things, but none of them amounted to his wish to have never hurt Kangin as he did. He had done it deliberately to push Kangin away to, essentially and ironically, protect him.

“If you can’t sleep, you could always slip into my bed.”

Eeteuk didn’t even bat an eyelash at the voice. He sighed heavily, “Go away Heechul.”

“Now, now… is that any way to talk to your ex-lover?” He inquired, his voice low and husky and suggestive as the last word rolled off his tongue and came out completely greasy.

Eeteuk finally opened his eyes and glanced at him, “We never slept together.”

“And finding you out here shows how much you regret that,” Heechul sighed mockingly as he faced Eeteuk, leaning his side against the balcony railing, “Night after night for the past month… coming out here and pining for Kim Heechul.” He fisted a hand and held it against his own heart, his face contorted in some kind of pain, “I’m sorry you had to be one of the broken hearts I leave behind me, Eeteuk… but if you want, I can let you in for one night,” he spread his arms open, “Come to me, Eeteuk.”

“Dear God why did I ever go out with you?” Eeteuk questioned flatly as he turned his gaze back to the overcast sky,

Heechul chuckled softly, “You know, that’s the closest I’ve seen the old Eeteuk.”

“Eh?” Eeteuk asked absent-mindedly,

“The old Eeteuk. The guy who used to live here before Kangin hooked up with Sungmin, before he broke Kangin’s heart… he died… oh, about a month ago. But he started dying before then,” Heechul said blithely as he turned to face the quiet city, his hands gripping the cool, metal railing loosely, “The old Eeteuk was a pretty good friend and - don’t tell him I told you - he made a pretty good leader too.”

Eeteuk sighed as he turned away, leaning his back against the railing, “Thanks…”

“Still in love with Kangin, huh?” Heechul asked. This time, however, his voice was quieter, softer, that of a friend who had sympathized with Eeteuk’s pain from when this all began a month earlier. When Eeteuk said nothing, Heechul continued on, “You had your chance with him already.”

The words were ruthless and painful. The words were true. Out of all the members, Eeteuk could always count on Heechul to give him the unadulterated, unabridged, and raw truth. He wouldn’t sugar-coat anything because he didn’t believe in false hopes. And as much as healthy the truth was, Eeteuk knew its blinding pain, too. He had always appreciated Heechul’s pure honesty, but this time, he was hoping for some false hopes. Something to make it easier.

He had to do something. Something to stop all of this. Something to alleviate the pain. Something to make all the guilt and regrets go away.

“So I’ll just wait for you to come to your senses and when you do, give me a fucking call.”

The words echoed in his mind. The floated and drifted, branding into his memory. With a deep, steadying breath, Eeteuk pushed away from the railing and reached for the sliding door.

“Hyung…” Heechul’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“Yes?” Eeteuk asked quietly, hesitantly as his hand froze on the door handle.

“Doesn’t Kangin look happy again.” There was no question at the end of his words. He simply stated it, made it rhetoric, practically forced Eeteuk into a corner; forced him to agree.

Eeteuk said nothing, could say nothing. Instead, he did what he did best and escaped.

It had been a good night. Sungmin had finished his song and afterwards, they had caught a movie. In the darkness of the theatre, Kangin was happy he was able to hold Sungmin’s hand. Even the little bit of contact had made his heart swell. Afterwards, they had gone back to his place and Kangin had made them a simple dinner since his parents were gone for the weekend to the country to visit relatives.

They had sat in the kitchen and ate. They had talked and laughed and all the while, Kangin felt his heart grow fuller, yet lighter at the same time. He could no longer help but smile when he was around Sungmin. Lately, he had begun to forget his darker days, to forget the pain he thought he’d never be free from. But Sungmin had done just that. Sungmin had been his friend, his confidant, his saviour. Now Sungmin was his boyfriend, his lover, his…

After dinner, they had begun to watch another movie and soon, they couldn’t finish the movie. There was kissing and hands everywhere and eventually they made their way up to Kangin’s room. That had been a few hours earlier and now they lay in his bed, Kangin’s cleaned blankets lying atop them. He lay there contently with Sungmin curled against him, his head pillowed on Kangin’s bicep.

Kangin couldn’t sleep, so he just watched Sungmin sleeping. His eyes traced the line of his jaw and the slight pout of his lips. His eyes swept over his face and the way his hair fell across his forehead. He peered at Sungmin’s soft lashes and the way they still managed to make tiny shadows on his cheeks even though the moon was partially covered outside.

In his sleep, Sungmin moved to turn his head away, but Kangin stopped it with his free hand. Gently, he cupped the side of his face and turned it back to face him. Softly, ever so softly, he brushed the backs of his fingers along Sungmin’s cheek, his skin smooth and soft.

Kangin brought his face closer. He could hear the even, shallow breathing that denoted Sungmin’s sleeping state. He could feel the small, soft puffs of air against his skin as he leaned closer to his sleeping dongsaeng. Never before had he felt such peace and contentment.

Slowly. Softly. Slowly. Softly.

He feathered a kiss against Sungmin’s forehead. He inhaled deeply the smell that was Sungmin and sweat and sex. He closed his eyes as his senses were completely aware and just… complete. Of happiness. Of serenity. Of Sungmin. Of Love.

Without removing his lips, he gently murmured, “I am in love with you Lee Sungmin.”

Time seemed to still in that moment. It was ridiculous, Kangin knew, because Sungmin wouldn’t reply, he was sleeping, practically dead to the world at that moment. He heard Sungmin snore softly and Kangin smiled against his forehead,

“I’ll take that as a reply,” he whispered before drawing back.

He had just begun to close his eyes when he heard a distinct but soft rumbling. Without moving Sungmin, he looked around as best he could in the room. Across, on his desk, Kangin saw his cellular phone vibrating against the wooden table. Knowing it was probably his parents, Kangin sighed heavily. Carefully, he dislodged his arm from underneath Sungmin’s head. He rolled out of the bed slowly, trying not to make the mattress dip too much.

Swinging his feet to the ground and stretching as he stood, Kangin slowly padded over to his phone. Without so much as a look at the exterior screen, he opened his phone, “Hello?”


“E-E-Eeteuk?” Kangin stammered. He cleared his throat and was glad his voice wasn’t shaking when he said, “It’s pretty late, hyung.”

“I know…”

There was a long pause that ensued. Kangin stood there, barely breathing as he held the phone carefully to his ear. His eyes were glued on Sungmin, watching him, a paranoid feeling creeping over him as he talked on the phone. But… why was he feeling that way? He was just talking on the phone… wasn’t he? When the silence became to much, Kangin opened his mouth to speak again.

Eeteuk beat him, however, “You told me… you told me to give you a call when I came to my senses.”

Kangin blinked in the darkness. The words were certainly familiar but when had he… slowly, excruciatingly so, the words began to fall into place in his memory. They were beginning to register and the memory that accompanied those words brought with it many things he had pushed away some time ago. Now, he wasn’t breathing at all. He stood there like a statue, his lungs still, his heart - somehow - beating. Kangin forced air into his body, struggling to suck in a shaky breath. Five heart beats passed before the silence between them was broken.

“I love you, Kangin.”

(For the sequel, Fated to Lose)


meilhette said...

nooo~ ;___;
my heart broke along with teuk;

your writing skill is amazing.
i'm totally affected with it;

ahhh kangteuk ♥
i'll be looking forward to the next part,

*hoping you'll mend the kangteuk, cause they should be together; i'm sorry ming TT*

Sam said...

ohmigod you wrote a sequel!!
love every bit of it and heenim being awesome and oh eeteuk T_T
now i really can't wait for the next part, you're simply the best hun ♥

waruiyume80 said...

I really do love kangteuk and all but i really, really feell like saying his ... please don't do this leeteuk TT__TT

♥minjeee♥ said...

word at waruiyume80's comment. as much as i love me some kangteuk, it just feels wrong if they ended up together in this fic. the title of the 3rd story hints at a broken heart and im sorry teukie but i think it would have to be yours. as both hyuk and heechul have said, you have had your chance and kangin looks so happy with sungmin and don't screw that up for him :(

its not that i don't want teukie to be happy, but i think its just something that he shld learn to let go of.

of course now that he's confessed to kangin, idk. i hope kang will be a bill levelheaded about this but idk he really love teukie so much before :(

no more broken hearts than necessary.

teukie, do the right thing bb. its not the least painful (for you anyway) but really consider what kang had gone thru. he seriously doesnt need this right now :(

(farkihng long comment sorry sorry)

maya said...

I loved this, I know leeteuk was the one who did wrong there but i can't help but wanting the two of them ending together

Anonymous said...

Kangteuk TT-TT
I hope Leeteuk could have another chance!!!

Anonymous said...

oh no. don't break sungmin's heart kangin. and eeteuk. why now? you had your chance and now that kangin is finally happy with sungmin you do this. kangmin ♥

iwufsuju said...

first of all, i cant believe my own eyes when i saw my name there.. i have to re-read it a couple of times more to convinced myself that it is really my name there... thank you so so much... i feel so honored...

i am so happy that kangin is so much in love now... good on sungmin to be able to bring 'rainbows and butterflies' back into his life...

i am curious on how kangin will respond to eeteuk's confession... cant wait ... ^_^

Anonymous said...

it's because i'm bias, i really want kangteuk to end up together. D:
eeteuk deserves so much to be happy in this fic, he had a lot of pain already.

Anonymous said...

I agree with ♥minjeee♥... Leeteuk had his chance and he destroyed it, while hurting Kangin, no less. Kangin does not deserve to go through the pain he experienced once more.

I don't understand why Leeteuk decided it was a good thing for him to confess his feelings now. Just when Kangin has regained his ability to be happy again, and that by doing what he did, Leeteuk may possibly hurt Sungmin, who has done nothing but helped Kangin to his feet.

This is just Leeteuk being selfish and only caring about how much he can't bear to be without Kangin... And that is not right T__T

I am not a Kangteuk shipper, and neither do I support Kangmin. But I really think that Kangmin should prevail...

I love your fanfics, Cheonsa <33 Thanks for writing such wonderful stories!

Ari said...

♥! gosh i'm so loving your fics :Db

anyway, regarding comments about how leeteuk was being selfish..i can't help to say that sungmin was pretty much the same since it's possible that he knew kangin was hurt and vulnerable and in desperate for some loving so he was more than happy to 'offer' himself and idk i mean shouldn't he know better that it's not easy (for kangin) to let go his feelings for leeteuk that easy, i mean people in general would find it hard to get over someone in the first place, wouldn't they? anyway lol sorry long comment is long~