“What is it like to be in love?”

“Free. It feels free, like there’s nothing that can stop me, nothing can hold me down.
It feels as if I can do anything because of love and I’m free of the fear of failure because,
even if I can’t do everything, at least at the end of the day,
there’s still me and him. When all else fails, love won’t.”

Reign on Me series

Sunday, August 3, 2008

[084] Cold Winter

theme: o84. Snowflakes
pair: Eunhyuk/Kyuhyun
rate: PG
words: 3469
#: 67/100


“IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT!”

Those were the words Eunhyuk woke up to one late November morning. His door had burst open and he had ignored the banging of the door knob hitting the wall, but it wasn’t enough. The moment he turned so his face was buried in his pillow, his mattress shook and began to bounce as those four words were shouted excitedly. Eunhyuk slowly glanced back to see the intruder.

There standing above Eunhyuk, feet planted on either side of his legs, was Kyuhyun. Still clad in black-silk pyjamas, he grinned down at Eunhyuk happily, “HYUNG! IT SNOWED!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air with excitement.

“I heard you the first time,” Eunhyuk muttered as he buried his face back into his pillow. This time, however, it was to hide the flush on his face rather than attempt to return to sleep.

“COME ON! BE EXCITED!” Kyuhyun insisted joyously as he began to bounce on the bed,

“I’m very excited,” Eunhyuk’s muffled reply came as the mattress shook, “Why don’t you go get dressed and we can go play in the snow?”

“YAY!” Kyuhyun cheered as he jumped off of Eunhyuk’s bed and ran off.

Yesung sluggishly padded into Eunhyuk’s room and collapsed beside him on the bed, “He woke me up the same way,” Yesung muttered, attempting to steal Eunhyuk’s pillow out from underneath his head.

“If he keeps yelling all morning about the damn snow, I’m going to kill him,” Eunhyuk said decisively as he gave up one of his pillows to Yesung.

“No you’re not,” Yesung yawned as he hugged the pillow and prepared himself for more sleep, “You love him too much for that.”

Eunhyuk, who had been lying on his stomach, suddenly propped himself on his elbows, “What!?”

Yesung opened one eye to look at Eunhyuk, “No one else may see it, but I do so don’t try to deny it.” Yesung rolled, turning his back to his dongsaeng.

Eunhyuk turned and sat down, leaning back against the headboard, “I don’t understand how you…”

“I’m secretly very smart,” Yesung offered a slight shrug before yawning, “That and a few months ago when we were drinking together you told me,” and then he promptly fell back asleep.

Ten minutes later, Eunhyuk was slowly making his way towards the kitchen for some coffee when Kyuhyun came running out of his bedroom and bolted to the door, pulling on his boots. Eunhyuk looked him up and down. The youngest member of Super Junior was dressed in snow pants, a thick winter coat, boots and gloves.

“Kyu-sshi… how old are you turning in three months?” Eunhyuk asked with a smirk,

“You told me we could play in the snow. And…I… don’t c-care,” Kyuhyun grounded out as he struggled with the second boot. Once he got them on he stomped both feet to make sure they were on securely, “I love winter - always have, always will.”

“But you’ve never been THIS excited about it,” Eunhyuk stated as he crossed his arms loosely,

“That’s because it’s never snowed THIS much in one night before!” Kyuhyun grinned brightly,

“I know I said we could play in the snow… but what about the fact our building lacks a front yard?” Eunhyuk inquired,

“That’s what the roof’s for!” Eunhyuk glanced over as Sungmin came out of the bedroom he shared with Kyuhyun, also heavily dressed for a blizzard, “The ledge keeps all the snow in and the fencing keeps us from plummeting to our deaths,” He smiled, his fox-eyes dancing, “Perfect place to play in the snow.”

“You’re going too, Sungmin-sshi?” Eunhyuk asked coolly, hoping his tone nor his face gave away the jealousy that suddenly lit within himself.

Sungmin nodded as he tucked the ends of his scarf into his jacket. He walked over to Kyuhyun and looped another scarf around the dongsaeng’s neck, “I love playing in the snow,” He explained as he fixed Kyuhyun’s scarf for him, “And I’m not going to let Kyu-sshi have all the fun.”

Once Sungmin was finished wrapping his scarf, Kyuhyun gave him a brilliant smile, “Thanks Min!” He gave him a quick kiss on the forehead, “Race you up to the roof!” He challenged and before Sungmin could even react, Kyuhyun was out the door.

Sungmin shook his head with a smile as he pulled on his own winter boots, “You and Yesung-sshi should join us,” Sungmin glanced down the hall to Eunhyuk’s room. The door was still open and Yesung was still sleeping on his bed, “When he wakes up.” He chuckled before adding, “And ask Ryeowook too. I know he hates the cold, but once you start playing, you warm up and forget about the cold.”

Eunhyuk could do no more than a nod for an answer. His thoughts were still on the scene that had played out before him: Sungmin tying Kyuhyun’s scarf for him and Kyuhyun kissing Sungmin in reply. He clenched his fists and bit down hard on his bottom lip as he forced a smile when Sungmin left.

It was late in the afternoon before Eunhyuk and Yesung dragged a very reluctant Ryeowook up to the roof for some winter fun. However, the moment they opened the door to the roof, Ryeowook immediately retreated back to the dorm.

Eunhyuk and Yesung approached Sungmin who was adding snow to a snowman he was building, “Where’s Kyu-sshi?” Eunhyuk asked, looking around and seeing no one else.

Suddenly, the snow man’s head began to move and the top snow cluster fell, revealing Kyuhyun’s smiling face, “You guys came!”

Yesung and Eunhyuk blinked in surprised, “Aren’t… you cold?” Yesung asked slowly,

Kyuhyun pursed his lips, “Probably, but I’m having too much fun to care!” He grinned suddenly he moved his arm, pointing to the other side of the roof, “Look! We made snow-Teukies!”

“Kyuhyun…” Sungmin said as he stood up.

Kyuhyun looked down and realized that the snow that had been built around him was now back on the snow-filled floor because of the movement of his arm, “Aww… and I was so close to being a Kyu-sicle.”

“You want to be a Kyu-sicle!?” Yesung gasped,

Kyuhyun tilted his head as he laughed, “Not for real.” He suddenly ran off to the side of the roof he had pointed to, turned suddenly and let himself fall back onto the snow.

Eunhyuk wondered over to him as Yesung and Sungmin attempted to build a real snowman. He stared down at Kyuhyun who began moving his arms and legs, “You’ve covered this side with snow angels,” Eunhyuk commented as he looked around Kyuhyun at the many imprints that had been made.

“No,” Kyuhyun replied as he reached up for a hand. Eunhyuk helped him to his feet and as he brushed off the snow from his backside and head, he corrected in a matter-of-fact tone, “Snow-Teukies!”

“Let me try,” Eunhyuk said. He found a patch of untouched snow and let himself fall back. However, after he fell back, he reached up for a hand.

“You didn’t do anything,” Kyuhyun stated flatly as he pulled him up.

“Just watch,” Eunhyuk said. With a gloved finger, he drew horns on the imprint of his head and a demon tail to match, “See, a snow-Kangin!”

Kyuhyun blinked before a smile tugged at his lips. He laughed melodically which sent a wave of warmth over Eunhyuk. He couldn’t help but smile back as his face flushed. However, all warmth left him when Kyuhyun said suddenly, “I have to show Min what you did! He’ll love it!” And just like that, Kyuhyun was practically bouncing across the rooftop towards Sungmin and Yesung to tell them of what Eunhyuk had done.

Eunhyuk stared hard as Kyuhyun told Sungmin of the snow-Kangin. Eunhyuk unceremoniously kicked snow over the imprint he had made, completely covering it altogether. When Kyuhyun dragged Sungmin over, his bright expression fell, “What happened?” Kyuhyun asked as he stared down where the snow-Kangin had once been,

“The wind,” Eunhyuk replied in what he hoped was an apologetic tone,

“Ah- it’s okay, Kyu,” Sungmin insisted, “We can just make another one!”

His words brought the smile back to Kyuhyun’s face. Eunhyuk burned with a completely different feeling as he watched Sungmin do what he had done just moments ago. Before he could hear Kyuhyun’s appreciation of Sungmin recreating the snow-Kangin, Eunhyuk walked back towards where Yesung was sitting, slowly making a big snowball.

“It’s not fair,” Eunhyuk muttered as he plopped down beside Yesung in the snow,

“What’s not fair?” Yesung asked, not looking up as he slowly rolled the growing snow ball back and forth in front of him,

“I do something that makes Kyuhyun smile… and then Sungmin does it and manages to make him smile even more than before,” Eunhyuk answered bitterly, his eyes glaring darkly at the pair on the other side of the rooftop,

“Like?”

“I suggested we play in the snow today and Kyuhyun was excited, but when Sungmin came out all dressed to play, Kyuhyun was practically bursting with happiness,” Eunhyuk retorted, “And then just now when I made a snow angel-”

“Snow-Kangin, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, a snow-Kangin, Kyuhyun was so excited he had to tell you two about it. Then Sungmin does the same thing and… Aish, I didn’t know he could smile even more,” Eunhyuk said exasperatedly,

“Well… he does love Sungmin,” Yesung said quietly, hesitantly,

“They’ve been together a month - it can’t be love! AND that’s because Sungmin’s the first person to ever pay attention to him in that way,” Eunhyuk insisted,

Yesung looked up from his snowball and looked at Sungmin and Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun had pushed Sungmin to the snow. While he was laughing, Sungmin swiped his leg at Kyuhyun’s ankles causing the younger of the two to fall to the ground also. Now both were sitting on the ground laughing at one another.

“Eunhyuk…”

“I’m sure if someone else came along and paid the same attention to him, Kyuhyun wouldn’t feel that way about Sungmin anymore,” Eunhyuk interjected, “He’s only known Sungmin’s affections, if he knew someone else’s then he’ll realize that he doesn’t really love Sungmin.”

“So what are you going to do? Tell him?” Yesung asked, still watching the other two, “You’ve liked him for a year and never said or did anything about it. The moment Sungmin acts on his feelings, THEN you start wanting to act on yours as well?”

“That’s because I didn’t think I had competition!” Eunhyuk defended, swinging his gaze towards Yesung.

Yesung turned his head to look back at Eunhyuk, “But your competition is Sungmin-sshi… and he’s one of your best friends.”

Eunhyuk sighed heavily, “I know…” He looked back towards the other two as Sungmin suddenly threw a snowball at Kyuhyun and ran off laughing, “But I don’t know how much longer I can watch them be together.” With that, Eunhyuk stood up, brushed the snow from his backside and retreated back into the apartment building.

Later that evening, the members of Super Junior were all at the recording studio preparing for their next full album as a whole. Eunhyuk was by a keyboard on one side of the room with Yesung helping him with some toning.

“Have you ever had to choose between a friend or a crush?” Eunhyuk asked quietly,

Yesung paused a moment as he looked up from the music scores before him. He saw what Eunhyuk periodically glanced at: Sungmin and Kyuhyun were on a couch on one side of the recording room together. Sungmin sat there talking to Eeteuk who was situated on the arm rest beside him, while Kyuhyun was nodding off, his head on Sungmin’s shoulder; their fingers intertwined.

“Plenty of times,” Yesung said finally as he looked back down at the music,

“How did you decide what to do?” Eunhyuk asked as he forced himself to look away and concentrate on the music,

“I asked myself who was more important to me,” Yesung replied simply as he began to play a few notes on the keyboard, “But if it’s just a crush, I don’t see how your decision can be that hard.”

“What… what if that crush is really love? And… what if that friend is a best friend?” Eunhyuk inquired tentatively, idly playing with the corner of one of the pages,

“Now we reach the heart of the matter,” Yesung muttered knowingly, “Well, I’d still ask myself who was more important to me. Also, I’d think about the ramifications.” Yesung leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, “One’s your best friend, and the other you’ve been head over heels for, for a year now. Problem is, your best friend loves the one you love and - as it turns out, the sentiments are vice versa-”

“That’s only because-”

“He’s known nothing else - yeah, yeah, I remember what you said before,” Yesung said with a wave of his hand, “But let’s take into account that maybe Kyuhyun really does love him back. If you do something crazy like… oh, I don’t know - confess… what would happen?” Yesung raised a hand as he began listing things off his fingers, “First of all, things could get awkward between you and Kyuhyun. Secondly, it’ll leave you hurt even more and lastly, if Sungmin found out, that could end your friendship with him as well.”

“But…” Eunhyuk sighed heavily,

“But what? What if Kyuhyun doesn’t love Sungmin and actually returns your feelings?” Yesung raised his hand again as he began to list things once more, “First of all, Kyuhyun would leave Sungmin. Secondly, things could get awkward between you and Sungmin and lastly, depending how Sungmin-sshi takes it, it could end your friendship with him.” Yesung crossed his arms again, “The only difference in both cases is who will get hurt - you or Sungmin.”

“Either way, I may end up losing Sungmin,” Eunhyuk muttered quietly, his eyes downcast, “Maybe it’s time I move on, hyung…”

Yesung sighed. He didn’t want to upset Eunhyuk, but he rather that than fill him with false hopes. He patted Eunhyuk’s hand comfortingly, “A year’s a long time to hold a one-way love…”

Eunhyuk didn’t look up and didn’t reply. He didn’t have to though, Yesung saw his pages being wet by tears.

It was drawing close to midnight and Super Junior was still at the recording studio. Some members had gone to wander around the floor just to do something. Some were falling asleep in the studio while others were waiting for their turn to record.

“I want hot chocolate,” Eeteuk stated, suddenly waking up from his corner of the studio. He spotted Kyuhyun alone on the couch since Sungmin was recording, and slyly slid up beside the dongsaeng, “Kyuhyun, you love winter right?”

Kyuhyun blinked. Still sleepy, he rubbed his eyes as he nodded his head in silent reply.

“Well, what’s better to have on a winter night than a cup of hot chocolate right?” Eeteuk suggested,

Kyuhyun thought about a moment before nodded in reply.

“With marshmallows?” Eeteuk prompted, garnering a smile from his dongsaeng, “Great! So it’s decided, YOU’LL go out and buy hot chocolate mix from the store!”

“Hyung! It’s midnight!” Kyuhyun argued,

“There’s a store down the street that’s open twenty-four hours a day,” Eeteuk replied as he grinned,

“But…But I can’t go alone - I could get mauled by Cassiopeia,” Kyuhyun nodded his head solemnly.

Eeteuk gave him a slanted look as he called out, “Eunhyuk! Come here,”

Eunhyuk left Yesung by the keyboard and came over, confused, “Yes?”

“Go with Kyuhyun to get hot chocolate,” Eeteuk smiled imploringly.

Eunhyuk shrugged as he walked back to the keyboard and picked up his jacket from the floor. Seeing Eunhyuk already preparing to go out into the bitter cold night, Kyuhyun conceded to his hyung’s manipulations and pulled on his jacket as well.

When they reached the store Eeteuk had directed them to, they decided to take their time. The trek there had been in silence and when they began browsing the aisles, they were still immersed in that same silence. Finally when they reached the hot chocolate mixes, Kyuhyun stood there, one arm crossed over his torso, while his free hand stroked his chin,

“I say we put laxatives in Eeteuk-hyung’s hot chocolate,” Kyuhyun said seriously,

Eunhyuk couldn’t help but laugh as he grabbed one of the tins of hot chocolate powder, “I’d love to, really - but you and I both know if Eeteuk ever found out we laced his hot chocolate, he’d send Kangin after us.”

Kyuhyun sighed as he stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and nodded, “Ever since those two got together we can never have fun with Eeteuk-sshi. Kangin’s too protective,” Kyuhyun muttered,

They brought up the hot chocolate powder to the cashier and paid for it. As they headed back to the recording building, they began to fall into that silence once more.

“Kyuhyun,” Eunhyuk began suddenly, “If you had to choose between your best friend and someone you love… who would you pick?”

Kyuhyun tilted his head slightly to one side as he thought of the question. With pursed lips, he began to answer while he thought it through, “Well… if you think about it, your best friend IS someone you love. So, in reality, the truth is you’re choosing between two people you love.” He slightly nodded his head as if deciding which answer to say out loud, “Yeah, so then it’d be about who you love more.”

“What if, in the end someone would get hurt? What if, in the end you could potentially lose that best friend? What if, in the end you realize it wasn’t worth the risk?” Eunhyuk asked, his words suddenly just tumbling from his lips before he could stop them.

“That’s what life is, isn’t it?” Kyuhyun gave him a side-long glance, “Life is about the choices we make and the consequences we have to live with.”

“You’re not helping…” Eunhyuk stated dryly,

Kyuhyun chuckled with a small smile before saying, “Only because I don’t know the answers to your questions.” He let out a sigh before growing serious once more, “I think… I think that before you choose between your best friend and someone you love, you DO have to - SHOULD have to - think about the consequences.”

“And then?” Eunhyuk prompted,

“After you’ve figured out what those consequences are, then you have to decide whether or not you can live with them. If you can look yourself in the mirror and say ‘I can live with the decisions I’m about to make’ then you’re ready to make a choice, whichever one it is. However, if you can’t look yourself in the mirror and say that, then you shouldn’t make a choice at all.” Kyuhyun explained simply,

“Thank you,” Eunhyuk said quietly, abruptly ending their conversation.

For the rest of the walk back to the recording building, they were in complete silence. When they reached the steps that led up to the building’s front doors, Kyuhyun abruptly stopped. Eunhyuk, who had taken a few steps before realizing his companion was no longer abreast with him, paused also and turned back to him,

“Kyu-sshi?”

Kyuhyun stood still. His hands in his pockets while he gazed up at the night sky, “It’s snowing again,” he said simply, his tone light.

Eunhyuk, however, watched him. Kyuhyun gazed up at the sky as snowflakes slowly drifted down towards them. His eyes dancing and just the smallest hint of a smile on his lips, Kyuhyun was the portrait of innocence and natural charm.

Before he realized it, Eunhyuk stepped down the steps until he was eyelevel with Kyuhyun and reached out for his collar. One minute they were standing in the cold and the next minute, Eunhyuk was pressing his warm lips against Kyuhyun’s. After a brief kiss, Eunhyuk pulled back, his arm dropping to his side. Kyuhyun blinked at Eunhyuk, startled. Suddenly, Kyuhyun began leaning in towards his hyung.

Eunhyuk was startled when Kyuhyun moved to return the kiss. He was about to close his eyes when he saw Kyuhyun abruptly stop and straighten immediately.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Kyuhyun said suddenly, his voice and body trembling. Before Eunhyuk could say anything, Kyuhyun sprinted up the stairs and disappeared into the building.

Eunhyuk stared after him, silent, shocked and startled. He was silent because his mind was too busy raging with thoughts of what had just transpired. He was shocked because despite the advice he had been given, he acted on pure impulse that lacked reason. He was startled, however, because Kyuhyun had made to kiss him back.

So despite just being rejected by the one he loved, Eunhyuk stood amidst the falling snow and allowed himself to hope once more.


(For the sequel: Quiet Blizzard)

7 comments:

iwufsuju said...

oh this fic is so beautiful... one sided love for more than a year...

really like the kyu in this fic.. so child-like...

and i love your snow-teukies and snow-kangin too... i will start to call it snow-teukies from on....

cant wait for trh sequel.. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Why, oh why can't I experience the joy/horror they call snow? T___T

Anyways, enough of my 'angst'...I loved this! Poor Hyukjae...

Hokum said...

*waits dutifully for the sequel* I hate when you leave me hanging like this.

It was so cute! And so.. *squeal*-worthy. XD

whatxsarahxsaid said...

ohhhhhhh poor Sungmin when he finds out!!!!!!!!!!

I loved Kyuyun's reactions to the snow. Reminds me of me to be honest. But now I really want winter to be here.

Eunhyuk T____T You're going to lose them both!

Kimberly said...

Their song 'It's you' matches these two stories very well. I was listening to that as I read and it made me cry. lol Great job.

Little said...

*crying*
How can you write it so beautiful T_T
poor hyukie, omg baby hyukie, don't want to see him in pain *crying*
Kyu is so adorable here, lollll cute baby >"<

I really love the final part *0*
Great job *hug you*
thanks so much ^^~

Anonymous said...

Okay, -sshi is a formal suffix. It's not used with people that are even a little comfortable with each other (they'd use hyung or something), let alone really close people (who would just use given names). Having SJ members use -sshi with each other is ridiculous. The only time they've ever done that is on broadcast, where obviously everybody uses 존댓말/formal speech.