“What is it like to be in love?”

“Free. It feels free, like there’s nothing that can stop me, nothing can hold me down.
It feels as if I can do anything because of love and I’m free of the fear of failure because,
even if I can’t do everything, at least at the end of the day,
there’s still me and him. When all else fails, love won’t.”

Reign on Me series

Thursday, July 17, 2008

[069] Think of Me

theme: o69. Sailing.
pair: Kangin/Shiwon
rate: NC17
words: 3315
#: 52/100

It was a dark night. One of those nights when there’s so many clouds in the sky that not a single star can shine through. Where the only glimpse of light is when those clouds break partially as they slowly blow by and the moon appears. There’s light, but darkness soon follows.

It was on this night that Shiwon found himself walking along the docks of Incheon. He looked at the port numbers as he walked along the main dock, “Number four,” he murmured to himself as he turned down a small walkway from the main dock that ran along the side of a 30-foot-length sailing yacht that clearly had seen better days.

As Shiwon walked beside it, he noted that the paint was faded and scratched off in certain parts; the boat had once been white, he was sure, but it looked a murky grey; the sails - which were dormant and tied down - appeared dull in colour and tattered at the ends. He slowly reached the end of the wooden walkway, and also, the front of the boat. It was there that he found Kangin.

“Hyung!” Shiwon called softly into the night.

Kangin, who had stretched himself along the deck with his legs dangling beneath the railing and over the edge, lifted his head up, “Shiwon- what are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you,” Shiwon said simply,

“Okay, but how did you know I was here?” Kangin asked,

“I went to your parents’ house and they said you were at the Incheon ports, that you’d probably end up sleeping on your boat,” Shiwon looked the boat over once before looking back at Kangin, “If you could call this a boat.”

“For a sailing yacht, I practically robbed the guy I bought it from,” Kangin said defensively as he sat up and pulled his legs away from the edge.

“I can see why he was so willing to be robbed,” Shiwon muttered as he noticed the rust on the railing,

Kangin saw what Shiwon was looking at and explained, “Once I fix it up, this baby will be worth way more than what I paid for it. Besides, it’s something I can call my own,”

“Something to call your own,” a small smile appeared on Shiwon’s lips, “I can understand then.”

Kangin watched him a moment before narrowing his eyes, “Okay, it took me a few minutes to realize it, but something’s wrong isn’t it? That’s why you travelled to Incheon to find me.” Kangin gestured for Shiwon to hop over the railing and sit on the deck across from him, “Speak.”

Shiwon awkward climbed aboard and once he was sitting, didn’t allow his back to lean against the questionable railing. Kangin sat across from him, silently waiting. Finally, Shiwon sighed, running his hands through his thick mane - a gesture that always made Kangin’s mouth go dry; this time was no exception.

Kangin swallowed hard as he prompted, “Shiwon-sshi?”

“You’re the only one I’ve told so… so I thought it best I come talk with you,” Shiwon began, his voice quiet,

“Then it’s about Donghae,” Kangin replied, forcing his voice not to break as his heart did.

Shiwon nodded, “He’s got a new girlfriend.” Shiwon placed his elbows on his knees, lowered his head and laced his fingers behind his neck. “I just… don’t understand why he keeps going after all these girls that just end up hurting him and leaving him,” Shiwon stated, his voice trembling as his body fought the urge to mirror his voice.

Kangin was silent and although his heart ached to hear Shiwon talk of his love for Donghae, it hurt him more to see Shiwon pained. Swiftly, he stood up and crossed the short distance to Shiwon and knelt before him, taking Shiwon’s head in his hands. As Kangin stared into Shiwon’s eyes, he had forgotten all of what he was going to do and say. Instead, as he stared at those tear-filled eyes, Kangin suggested the unthinkable, the illogical: “To stop your pain - at least for tonight - … think of me as Donghae for one night.”

Shiwon blinked at him, eyes widening at disbelief. He tried to pull away from Kangin, stammering his refusal when Kangin pulled him forcibly to him until their lips met. When Kangin broke the kiss, Shiwon was breathless and refused to look him in the eye,

“For one night,” Kangin said quietly and, to his surprise, Shiwon nodded his silent agreement.

The cabin of the small boat wasn’t as cramped as it appeared from the outside. For one, the cabin was tall enough that Shiwon was able to stand up straight with space still above his head. For another, the cabin contained a twin-sized bed pushed against one side and a small chest at the foot of the bed. Once Kangin finished restoring the boat, it would become more cramped as he brought in navigational equipment and other necessities; but for now, he left the furnishings at just a bed and a chest. With no other furnishings, the cabin seemed more spacious, even though it was no bigger than ten by ten feet.

Kangin gestured to Shiwon to sit down. Tentatively, he did so. Kangin stood before him, between his parted knees. Kangin held his chin with one hand, tilting his face up to look at him. With his free hand, he passed it over Shiwon’s eyes, “Just close your eyes,” he said quietly as he leaned down and capture Shiwon’s lips in a sweet kiss.

Shiwon felt Kangin’s tongue probe his lips and, after a moment, parted his lips, allowing Kangin to deepen the kiss. He felt his tongue being touched, tasted and caressed. Without a second thought, Shiwon reached out with his hands, planting them firmly on Kangin’s hips and pulling him closer to him.

Kangin broke the kiss, his lips moving along Shiwon’s jaw line to the hollow of his neck. He tasted Shiwon and knew he would forever crave that taste, mingled with the slight saltiness caused by both sea and humid Summer evenings. Slowly, he began lowering himself, his knees slowly reaching the floor. As he did so, his kisses moved to Shiwon’s collar, his hands moving to up the hem of his t-shirt, running it along his smooth, defined torso. He lips broke contact with Shiwon’s skin for just a moment to allow Shiwon to pull off his shirt and toss it to the ground. Once Shiwon’s shirt was gone, Kangin continued his kisses, his lips making an excruciatingly slow trail south.

With each kiss, Shiwon felt his skin become enflamed. He had never felt the sensations that Kangin was causing within him and when a low moan escaped his lips, he became afraid of what he was feeling, but also excited. As he felt Kangin’s tongue drag across one nipple, he suddenly felt heat between his thighs. When Kangin began to lick and lave and suck, Shiwon felt his jeans feel tighter around his hips, felt the throbbing at the apex of his legs.

Kangin swept his tongue slowly across the ridges of his chiselled abdomen and Shiwon shivered as his cool was touched by hot wetness. He felt Kangin’s lips near the waist of his jeans, but then Kangin reached a hand to the nape of Shiwon’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. This time, the kiss tasted different. This time, Shiwon allowed his tongue to return the actions of Kangin and he tasted his skin on Kangin’s lips.

As their tongues battled and their kiss went from sweet to lustful, Kangin reached with his free hand towards Shiwon’s throbbing core. Shiwon groaned into Kangin’s mouth as he felt Kangin’s fingers massage him through his jeans.

“Is this what you want?” Kangin murmured against his lips,

“Yes,” Shiwon grounded out before capturing his lips again.

With a simple flick of his wrist, Kangin undid the button and zipper on Shiwon’s jeans, free him. The moment Kangin wrapped his fingers around him, Shiwon shuddered with relief. He broke the kiss, his head falling to Kangin’s shoulder as Kangin began to caress him with strong but slow strokes. He felt the heat spread to his body, felt the sweat form on his brow and yet, wanted more.
And more.
And more.

The moment he felt Kangin’s lips kiss the tip of him, Shiwon snapped. He fell back onto the mattress, his arms flung to his sides, gripping the sheets. He felt Kangin’s fingers twist around the base as he felt Kangin’s rough tongue drag the full length of him. Shiwon’s breathing went from deep and steadying to short and staggered when Kangin swirled his tongue about the head. When Shiwon felt Kangin take him into his mouth, he thought he was going to break that instant.

His eyes were firmly closed as Kangin began to suck, when he felt his tip at the back of Kangin’s throat, his eyes flew open, trying to concentrate on the cabin ceiling as moonlight lit the cabin briefly. But as Kangin began to suck even harder, his fingers circling him even tighter, everything before his eyes began to blur as the fire made his fingers and toes tingle. He closed his eyes tightly, gripped the sheets until his knuckles whitened and tried to control his breathing, but all of that was in vain as he distinctively felt the pleasuring pain of Kangin’s teeth gently caress his length.

He let out a trembling moan as he felt the heat become almost unbearable, then let out a cry when Kangin broke off all contact and stood up, towering over him,

“How do you want to finish this?” Kangin asked quietly, forcing his voice to stay strong. His blood was boiling from all he had done to Shiwon up until that point, his pants uncomfortably tight around his core and the urge to just jump Shiwon almost unbearable; but still, he asked.

Shiwon blinked - he wanted him to make a decision now? In this state? Release was so close and Kangin wanted him to think? Shiwon sat up and pulled Kangin down on top of him, kicking off his jeans and boxers as he did so. As their lips met in a fierce dance, Kangin straddled Shiwon’s hips and ground into him, hard. Shiwon cried out into Kangin’s mouth at the feel of Kangin’s rough pants against his bare core. He pushed Kangin up a moment and, hands shaking, he quickly undid Kangin’s pants then pulled him down atop him once more. Kangin wriggled out of his pants and boxers, kicking it to the floor.

Both shuddered at the feel of both their cores rubbing against one another, skin on skin. Shiwon, his nipples taut still from the earlier kisses, ached when Kangin’s button-up shirt grazed across them. Suddenly desperate to feel more skin, Shiwon ran his hands over Kangin’s chest, undoing the buttons fervently. When the shirt fluttered open and Kangin slid it off his arms, Shiwon slid his hands up Kangin’s torso, before moving to his back, pulling him flush against him.

As their lips mated, Kangin reached between them, his fingers effectively finding Shiwon and fondling him once more. Kangin began to thrust his tongue along Shiwon’s in sync with the stroke of his hand. Shiwon trembled at the twin sensations. Shiwon moved his hands to cup Kangin’s face, pulling back enough to break their kiss, so he could look into Kangin’s eyes properly.

Kangin stared into Shiwon’s imploring eyes, a question in their dark pools. He knew what the question was, and didn’t anticipate it before hand. Hesitantly, Kangin nodded his head, handing over control to Shiwon.

And then, Kangin was on his stomach on the mattress and Shiwon was kneeling above him. Kangin gripped the sheets and bit down into the pillow as Shiwon grabbed his hips. First he felt the tip of Shiwon and held his breath. His body felt taut with pleasure and desire, but his mind was racing, knowing it would hurt - especially since he was never in this position; he never gave up the control. Then, in one swift motion, Shiwon thrust forward and Kangin felt as if his body was split in half. The pain ran up and down his body and he barely stifled the yell that escaped his lips.

Shiwon waited. Forced himself to wait. He knew that yell held no passion, no pleasure. It was the kind of yell that made your blood run cold, but yet, his body was still on fire. Moonlight trickled into the cabin for a minute before being doused by clouds again - that was when he felt Kangin press his hips back against him, and Shiwon took it as a signal to continue. He entered Kangin again and again and again, in strong, steady thrusts.

With each thrust, Kangin felt the tip of himself graze against the sheets, felt his nipples drag along the rough cotton, setting his blood on fire again. He felt when Shiwon grew frantic with desire - Shiwon’s fingers dug into his hips painfully, his pace became faster and disorganized. Kangin felt his passion heighten with Shiwon’s, his throbbing core aching to be touched.

As if reading his mind, Shiwon released one hip, his hands coming around Kangin and wrapping his fingers around him. As he began to stroke Kangin in unison with his thrusts, Kangin let out a feral growl. The sound was like music to Shiwon’s ears, urging him farther.
And farther.
And farther still.

He leaned forward, curving his body to Kangin’s back. Shiwon dragged his tongue along Kangin’s spine, coming to the nape of his neck with a sloppy kiss.

“Harder…” Kangin grounded out,

Shiwon complied, letting out a gasp when Kangin moved his hips to match his thrusts, making each movement deeper and harder than before. He felt the heat increase, felt his sweat mingle with Kangin’s as their undulations began to match that of the boat’s slight rocking.

The end was near, Shiwon could tell. His body was taut and burning fiercely. His fingers moving at a fevered pace around Kangin as his hips began to buck wildly and powerfully. He felt his release begin and gave himself up to it. He slammed more and more into Kangin as wave after wave of white hot pleasure passed through his body.

Feeling Shiwon throb within him, release within him, Kangin knew he was near his end as well, even if Shiwon had released his core to bring both hands onto his hips. He gripped the sheets beneath him with ever last bit of strength, anticipating his own climax as Shiwon cried out at the peak of his own,

“Donghae!” He gasped as he collapsed atop of Kangin, his body still trembling from aftershocks. His body sated, Shiwon closed his eyes and gave himself up to the darkness as Kangin receded from completion; his body cold.

When Shiwon opened his eyes again, he found Kangin sitting against the wall, the bed sheets pulled to his waist and a cabin window open as he took a slow drag of a cigarette. Shiwon watched as the darkness broke for a moment, moonlight illuminating Kangin’s profile, showing the silver wisps of smoke dance from his lips and rise into nothingness.

The silence between them broke when a ringing sound echoed in the cabin. Kangin didn’t even flinch as Shiwon swung his legs over the edge of the bed and searched the floor for his pants. Finding it, he pulled out his cellular phone and answered,

“Hello? Donghae?” Shiwon began,

At the sound of his other dongsaeng’s name, Kangin took the cigarette between his lips and took a long drag, knowing that was the only thing stopping him from crying out.

“Go out for drinks? It’s ten o’clock already,” Shiwon commented as he found his boxers and began sliding them over his hips, “I guess it is the best hour to drink,” He chuckled softly as he pulled on his jeans and held his phone between cheek and shoulder as he did up the front of his pants. “Alright. Yes. Yes. I’ll call you when I reach Seoul. Huh? Oh, I’m in Incheon. Okay. Okay. Don’t drink without me. Bye.”

Shiwon closed his phone and pocketed it. He glanced over at Kangin who hadn’t moved an inch yet, just sat there smoking his cigarette. He found his shirt and pulled it over his head just as the moon was covered again, casting them in darkness again, “I better get going, Donghae is waiting for me. We’re going to drink,” Shiwon explained then added quickly, “Why don’t you come too, hyung?”

Kangin shook his head as he put out his cigarette against the window sill then threw the butt out into the water, “I came out here to spend a night on the water. You go ahead.”

Shiwon nodded before reluctantly leaving, throwing Kangin one glance before going above deck. Kangin let his body fall back down onto the mattress, his head hitting the soft pillow. Fingers laced behind his head, Kangin heard Shiwon’s steps up on the deck. He could tell by the sound of his footing that Shiwon was having an awkward time getting off the boat as he did getting on. He listened as Shiwon got onto the wooden docks again and stared out into the velvety, black sky as Shiwon’s foot steps faded farther and farther away from him.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed as he lay awake in bed, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. It wasn’t like he could see anything, everything was dark inside and outside - of both boat and body. Suddenly, he heard footsteps break the silence that had surrounded him for the eternity since Shiwon had left.

“Kangin-sshi? Kangin-sshi!”

The voice came and filled the cabin, but Kangin didn’t move. He didn’t need to. He knew the voice of his best friend all too well. He felt the boat rock as he heard someone jump on, heard the loud thump of feet hitting the deck. He held his breath as he heard footsteps descending and then approaching the bed. Moonlight passed over the boat for a brief minute, long enough for Kangin to find himself looking up at the leader of Super Junior.

“Donghae left the dorm saying he was meeting Shiwon for drinks, but I knew Shiwon had been looking for you. So… I came to see if you were okay,” Eeteuk explained quietly, his heart pounding rapidly against his ribcage.

If Kangin was the keeper of Shiwon’s deepest secret, then it was Eeteuk who held Kangin’s. He glanced around the cabin. Kangin’s clothes were still strewn upon the floor, the sheets on the mattress too ruffled to have been only slept upon, and the clear smell of sex mingling with sea.
And sweat.
And summer.

Eeteuk sat on the edge of the bed as Kangin sat up and forced his stare out into the black night. With hands clasped tightly in his lap, Kangin relayed the events of the night; of his indecent proposal to Shiwon and the heart-shattering ramifications that now coursed through his body. Eeteuk listened with restraint as Kangin explained with a trembling voice, but lost control when Kangin’s voice cracked while saying how it ended. Without a second thought, he pulled Kangin into the circle of his arms and held him protectively. Kangin refused to let himself cry out, he had already given control up once that evening and wouldn’t allow himself to do so a second time. But he allowed Eeteuk to hold him and allowed the tears to fall. Eeteuk pressed his lips against Kangin’s temple but wanting to kiss him somewhere else. Fighting against his own hot tears, Eeteuk murmured:

“I know how you feel… I truly do.”


Anonymous said...

T_T...so angst...love it~

Anonymous said...

It's so awesome sad..
Poor Kangin...but still I love it...

Bonnielassie said...

OMFG. It's my favorite pairing that I didn't think existed! Kangin/Siwon!!! This was so beautiful beyond compare that I cant even describe it. You should do one where Siwon is on the bottom. That would be....my.............
Omo my perverted mind *whacks self*
But seriously this was amazing