“What is it like to be in love?”

“Free. It feels free, like there’s nothing that can stop me, nothing can hold me down.
It feels as if I can do anything because of love and I’m free of the fear of failure because,
even if I can’t do everything, at least at the end of the day,
there’s still me and him. When all else fails, love won’t.”

Reign on Me series

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

[033] Love Me Only

theme: o33. Flirt.
pair: Yesung/Kibum
rate: PG13
words: 1173
#: 21/100


I had watched that episode. I had watched every episode of anything he’d been on. Every variety show, every drama… to him, I was his most supportive hyung. To me, he was everything I could ever want. But that one episode… that one episode taught me that I had to be cruel to be kind; I had to make him love me only.

It was November when the episode of Ya Shim Man Man aired with him and Eunhyuk as guests. As always, when it aired, I watched and then I called him afterwards to compliment him. He’d thank me and then ask for advice to help him for the next time he was on a show. Then after we hung up I’d go and watch it again. But this time, when I watched, it was with purpose.

I had never seen him smile so much on a show before. His beautiful, perfect smile. It was dorky and charming at the same time. It shone like the sun but calmed you like the moon. Oh yes, he had smiled a lot that episode… but he should only be smiling for me alone.

The second time around when he spoke of his past girlfriend, I couldn’t help but clench my fists and grit my teeth. That little hussy wasn’t worthy of my Kibum. She wasn’t even worthy to be in his presence and yet… and yet he chose her. I was with him that day, that damned day when he met her on the streets… I should’ve known the trouble that was about to come when he showed her his smile. But nonetheless, she was gone from the picture soon enough. They had been together three weeks - no more. No less. I had made sure of that.

They say a picture says a thousand words. A picture manipulated to show her cheating spoke a million words to my dongsaeng. She had cried, insisting it wasn’t real. Actually, I later found out she even pointed a finger in my direction. But my Kibum would never suspect me. No, I’m kind and quiet Yesung. I shine from the background and support my members. I would never do such a thing… never.

My poor, broken-hearted dongsaeng. After he broke it off with her, I made sure I was there. I was there to pick up the pieces and hold him until he was whole again. It was me who was with him in his saddest hour; it was me who made him whole again - ME, NOT HER… so, when he mentioned her on the show, how could I not get angry?

I didn’t think I could get more upset the moment he mentioned her, however, I did get even more angry. He mentioned his ex-girlfriend at the beginning, but it was at the end where he held another’s hand. He had grabbed Eunhyuk’s hand and held it, their fingers laced together and he had flirted. My Kibum had flirted with Eunhyuk… Eunhyuk can’t act that well, so not all of his flirting was fake, I’m sure. The way he shyly glanced at Kibum in that moment, I knew I had another rival for Kibum’s love. There’s no room for another rival. Only me. And Kibum.

So, after the episode wrapped up for the second time and the VCR stopped, I stood from the couch. Everyone was fast asleep, save myself. I approached the room Eunhyuk shared with Donghae and Sungmin. It wouldn’t take too much effort to assure there was only one person standing for Kibum’s love. Slowly, I opened the door to their room, the wood creaking loudly. However, despite the noise and the sliver of light flooding into their room, the trio remained sleeping.

Quietly. Quietly. Quietly I walked until I was beside Eunhyuk’s bed. He was sprawled haphazardly, his sheets twisted about his limbs. The jerk was probably dreaming about Kibum, considering that smile plastered on his sleeping face. This would not do. I could not let him continue. I did not.

All it took was a pillow from the floor, pushed off while he was sleeping. Steady hands, holding the pillow down, stifling any sound. Any air. All it took was all my love for Kibum, and soon, the job was done. As quietly as I had come, I slipped from the room and left the dorm. I had to see him then, I had to see him and tell him. Tell him that now - NOW, there was only me. And him.

It was fifteen minutes later when I found myself at his bedside. Curled up beneath his blankets, his beautiful face so peaceful. So peaceful. Gingerly, I sat down and he stirred from the mattress dipping. He looked around, slightly disoriented before realizing his surroundings,

“Yesung hyung? What time is it? Why are you here? Is something wrong?” The questions flowed out of his mouth in a sleepy yet soothing melody.

Tentatively I reached out, my fingers caressing the hair from his eyes, “It’s done, Kibum-sshi. It’s over.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, sitting up, “What’s done?”

“He’s gone,” I said, the words flowing like a river, washing over me with peace, “Eunhyuk’s gone. Now there is only me. And you.”

Kibum got to his knees and held my shoulders, shaking me forcefully, “What do you mean!? What do you mean Eunhyuk’s gone!?”

“He’s gone,” I repeated serenely, a smile gracing my face, “He’s gone…”

“Yesung-sshi! What do you mean!?” He shook me harder, trying to get me to elaborate, “What do you mean!? Yesung-sshi! YESUNG-SSHI! YESUNG-SSHI!”

I blinked, then covered my eyes from the flood of light. Slowly, I sat up and looked around. I was in the dorm again, sitting on the couch. Eunhyuk stood beside me, a worried look on his face,

“Hyung, you could’ve caught a cold sleeping out here all night,” Eunhyuk scolded lightly,

“I… I must’ve fallen asleep after watching the episode of you and Kibummie on Ya Shim Man Man,” I replied, holding my head momentarily. None of it had happened. I looked at Eunhyuk. None of it had happened.

Eunhyuk sat down beside me as the others began appearing from their rooms, awakening for the day. “What were you dreaming about?”

“Eh?” I replied, startled. Had I said something in my sleep? I stood up and headed for the kitchen, slightly worried my expression would tell my thoughts.

“No, but you just had this… really peaceful smile on your face. As if everything in the world was going good and right for you. As if you had everything you ever needed,” Eunhyuk explained, “Was it a good dream?”

I paused a moment. Had it been a good dream? I couldn’t say for sure. There were some parts that had been so realistic, so honest - and yet…

The phone rang and Eunhyuk went to get it. I watched him pick it up and immediately a big grin spread on his face, “Kibum-sshi!”

It had been a good dream, after all.




Author's Note: This is the first time I'm doing this, but after I finished writing, I thought it HIGHLY necessary I do this... specifically necessary to my health/wellbeing.
I love Hyukkie. I really do, he's definitely one of my favourites. This is just fiction, please don't flame/hate/tell the ELFs. If it'll make you happy, think this is AU. & I love Yesung, seriously. I think he's way underappreciated, but we all have our dark moments... and... I decided to amplify his. ^___^;; *goes & builds barricade against onslaught from ELFs*

3 comments:

Hokum said...

OH. MY. GOD.

Anonymous said...

Wow you gave me quite a scare there! O.O

It's scary that jealousy can do that to people though.

jishu said...

whew..I'm glad that it was just a dream...and I really loved that episode in YSMM XD