“What is it like to be in love?”

“Free. It feels free, like there’s nothing that can stop me, nothing can hold me down.
It feels as if I can do anything because of love and I’m free of the fear of failure because,
even if I can’t do everything, at least at the end of the day,
there’s still me and him. When all else fails, love won’t.”

Reign on Me series

Thursday, June 19, 2008

[019] Hold

theme: o19. Clocks.
pair: Shindong/Eunhyuk
rate: G
words: 803
#: 27/100

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Eunhyuk sat on the bed, his legs swung over the side as he stared out the room’s window, his back to the door. His hands were clasped loosely together on his lap, his gaze unflinching as his thoughts were focused on one thing. From past the threshold of the room, he could hear voices, movement - life. All types of life, bustling around like bees and all the while, he sat in the room, quietly and patiently waiting. While everything outside of the room was in motion, Eunhyuk felt as if time inside that room stood still as he waited. And waited. And waited.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Knock.

“Lee Hyukjae-sshi?”

“Hmm?” He replied, unmoving still.

“Everything is fine. You’re free to go. Your managers will be here within an hour to pick up both you and Shin Donghee-sshi,” the nurse said. She stood there a moment before saying, “Lee Hyukjae-sshi?”

“Where is he?” Eunhyuk asked quietly as he finally jumped to the floor and stretched out his limbs.

“He’s in the intensive care unit with Park Jungsu,” she informed, “Room 13-” She called after him as Eunhyuk left the room without a moment’s hesitation.

By the time Eunhyuk reached the room, Shindong was sitting in a chair within, Eeteuk no where in sight, “Where’s Eeteuk?”

Shindong, seemingly unperturbed by the sudden intrusion answered in a trance-like voice, “He had a check-up with a doctor. So they wheeled him away…”

Quietly, Eunhyuk walked up to Shindong’s side and stood beside his chair. Both of their gazes focused on the same thing.

Just a few feet away lay Kyuhyun, his bed surrounded by a thick, plastic curtain. Tubes were hooked up to him, a breathing mask covered his mouth and nose as machines surrounded him: helping him breath, pumping medicine into him and monitoring his vital signs. His beautiful face was marred with cuts and scratches, bruises and burns; and yet, he looked peaceful.

Time stood still in this room too, Eunhyuk noted. As he watched over Kyuhyun with Shindong, it seemed like everything past the door disappeared, not even the sounds from the hallway reached them here.

“We have an hour until they come pick us up,” Eunhyuk stated as he glanced at the clock on the wall. As if drawn to the second hand, he watched it a moment as the sound from that hand coincided with the beeping from the heart monitor.

“It should’ve been me, Hyukie,” Shindong’s words came out quietly, solidly.




“Don’t argue… it’s true,” Shindong countered, “I asked him to sit there because I wanted to sleep on the way home, so I wanted to sit in the back. Originally… originally he was going to sit where I had been sitting but… but he moved because I asked him.”


Eunhyuk looked down at Shindong just in time to see the first tear of many, fall. Eunhyuk felt helpless and ended up just clasping a hand to his hyung’s shoulder, comfortingly squeezing it.


“I should be lying there, Hyukie… he should be… he should be the one being released today with you,” Shindong stated through the tears, “If only I hadn’t been so selfish and made him move.”


“Hyung, you weren’t being selfish. It’s something anyone would have asked,” Eunhyuk insisted, “And you know that if Kyuhyun could hear you right now, he’d be upset. He wouldn’t want you talking like that - I don’t want you talking like that.”


“But… I… and he…” Shindong slammed a fist to the wooden arm rest, shaking the chair violently; all while the tears continued to cascade.


Eunhyuk knelt before Shindong and wrapped his arms about his shoulders, pulling Shindong to him. He had never comforted his hyung before, despite how close they were, Shindong was always full of smiles and laughter. Seeing this broken side of him made Eunhyuk’s heart painfully unbearable.


Shindong hugged him back tightly, burying his face against Eunhyuk’s shoulder. He bit down hard on his bottom lip to stifle the cries that desperately fought to be heard, but Shindong repressed them even after tasting copper in his mouth.


Eunhyuk wasn’t sure if time had stopped for them in the room, or if it merely slowed, but it felt as if the sounds from the clock had slowed; as if the intervals between each second stretched. He held onto Shindong protectively, murmuring promising words that everything would be okay whilst Shindong cried into his shoulder of his encompassing guilt.


Eunhyuk knelt there for what seemed like hours, but from the sound of the clock it hadn’t been more than seven minutes. He gently stroked Shindong’s head in an attempt of a comforting gesture.


“It’ll be alright; he’ll be alright.”


“I… I feel guilty too…hyung.”


“Everything’s going to turn out alright.”


“He’ll be with us again before you know it.”


“It’s okay. It’s okay.”


“It’s okay…”

Author's note: No, I don't know what actually happened. This is more of a 'what if'. We've all felt guilt of this type at some time or another; it's a part of being human.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Guilt is one of the worst feelings ever.

It's what makes us human, but it can also kill us (in a way).

This really was beautiful, but in a sad way.