[ROM13] Away from Darkness

words: 8498
rate: PG13
(Chapter 13 of the Reign on Me series)


Chapter 13: Away from Darkness

"You're quiet this evening."

Taeyeon looked up from her meal, staring across the width of the table to Sungmin. Adjacent to them both - her left and his right - was an empty seat where the king should have sat, however, he didn't appear for dinner as he previously stated.

"It's just... odd," Taeyeon shrugged, "We were only gone a week and already it's odd being home. I suppose I adjusted to life... away."

"It has been different this past week, hasn't it?" Sungmin mused. His gaze drifted to her torso before returning to her face, "You're in a dress again. I noticed earlier, but didn't comment since I didn't know what you've told your brother. Your robes, are you storing them forever?"

"Not really," Taeyeon admitted, "I... Oh, this is quite annoying."

She pushed her chair up and stood, a server rushing over to pull the chair back so she could move easier. She reached for her bowl of soup when the server picked it up instead. Taeyeon moved to Eeteuk's seat and sat down, the server moving her dishes and cutlery to her new seat.

"Apparently I'm so used to sitting beside you during meals that even a table's width apart is trying on me," Taeyeon laughed softly before thanking the server as he retreated; "Ah... that will be something I'll miss once you leave."

"Sitting beside me at meals? Why? It's not like I'll share my food with you," Sungmin chuckled before eating more of his soup.

"You're so annoying sometimes," Taeyeon sighed in mock-exasperation, "I mean having you around. Especially after this past week we became even closer." She paused to have a spoonful of soup; "Oh, Min, you have to write me every day."

"That's a lot of writing," Sungmin mused teasingly as he reached for his glass, "I don't know if I'm up to the challenge." When Taeyeon threw him a narrowed glance, he chuckled again, "I suppose I should write you everyday considering our engaged status."

"Sungmin," she said quietly, then stated louder, "I'll ring if I need anything."

Within seconds, the servants who had been in the room melting into the walls just waiting to serve them during dinner left the dining room. After the door closed after the last one, Taeyeon put down her spoon and glared at the lesser mage,

"Sungmin, did you not tell Eeteuk the truth about us!?" Taeyeon hissed,

Sungmin raised a brow, "Of course, not. How could I when I didn't know what you wanted to do about it. When I realized you didn't tell him, I didn't know if that meant that I could."

"Of course, you can!" Taeyeon exclaimed as she picked up her spoon again, "Sungmin, this is your future, your happiness that we're talking about."

"Indeed, however, after I leave, it'll be you who will have to deal with the consequences," Sungmin reminded lightly, pointing his spoon at the princess, "I won't be around to dissuade suitors; they'll be swarming you like flies the moment it's learned we're no longer engaged."

"Oh, Min, I have to learn to live on my own, to be independent," Taeyeon stated, "I'm 21-years-old and I've hardly seen the world outside of this castle. It's sad that I've seen more of the Dark Kingdom than my own. I don't even know what the other estates look like outside the walls."

"My dear Minx, you are growing so fast," Sungmin sighed with mock-drama when the princess fell silent to eat more soup; "And after seven years, I don't think I can bear the thought of you becoming an adult without me watching."

Taeyeon glanced up at Sungmin and threw him a smile, "It's for the best you don't. That way, when you see me again I will be mature and independent and strong. It'll be such a surprise to you that you'll say 'Wow! Is this really the Taeyeon who I know and love so much?'. Or something like that."

Sungmin laughed heartily, "Really? Those exact words?"

"Verbatim," Taeyeon grinned. She exhaled slowly, her expression sobering somewhat, "I truly want to be an ambassador, to be my brother's right hand in running the kingdom. Mother... She never had that role, but she was always at Father's side, I've been told. Whether it was at a meeting with advisors or touring the lands, Mother was always with him. I want to help Eeteuk, so I'll tour the lands while he's busy here."

"Going around the lands all on your own... that doesn't sound too safe," Sungmin sighed heavily as he leaned back in his chair, "No, any way I think about it, it's best I stay around for a little bit longer."

Taeyeon blinked, startled, "What?" Then she laughed lightly, "Stop joking around, Min. You almost made me believe you."

"I'm serious," Sungmin said, his steel-blue eyes staring at her unwaveringly; "It's the last duty your brother asked of me before I run away to the other kingdom. I travel all the estates with you and then I'm off to the Dark Kingdom."

"All of the estates?" Taeyeon gaped,

"We'll spend 2 or 3 days at each estate before returning here. You'll get a feel for each estate and be able to report to Eeteuk. Then, when you go to the estates for longer periods, the staff will know you already and you won't be going there without any knowledge of the area," Sungmin explained, "It shouldn't take us more than a month; six weeks at the most."

Taeyeon emulated him by leaning back in her chair. She folded her arms about her abdomen; "The plan makes sense... Really? You'll do this for me?"

"Of course," Sungmin answered immediately; "That's what friends do for one another and, we are best friends, right?"

Taeyeon smirked, "I suppose. But what will the citizens think?" She laughed lightly, "We tour the estates - for real, this time - and then we break the engagement. Oh, Min, you really want to leave with a bang, don't you?"

Sungmin held out his hand and, when she put hers in his, he closed his fingers around her small hand; "We can keep up this story, if you wish it. No one will find out since I'll be in the Dark Kingdom."

Taeyeon stared at him ruefully, "Are you sure?"

Sungmin nodded, "That way, until you're absolutely ready to marry, you won't be bothered. Even when I'm not at your side, suitors won't be bothering you."

One corner of her mouth lifted in a half-smile, "Do you really think it'll stop them when you're gone?"

"Even if I'm not there, so long as we're still engaged, no one would dare come near you since our engagement has your brother's blessing," Sungmin answered, squeezing her hand; "It'll be for the best, I think, that we allow the world to keep thinking we're engaged. Even if people begin to suspect things while I'm in the Dark Kingdom, there's no way people from here will ever hear of it."

Taeyeon nodded slightly, "Then, yes, I'd prefer that." She sighed heavily, leaning her head against the back of the chair, "Min, am I being selfish again? Am I being weak in accepting this?"

"It's only for a short time longer," Sungmin said, "And then you're on your own. It's okay."

"What about Prince Kyuhyun?" Taeyeon asked quietly, squeezing his hand firmly,

"I will send a letter with Kangin to him. I will write him every day so it feels like I'm there with him," Sungmin insisted lightly, "He lived for 22 years without me, and he can live for six weeks more without me."

"But for the past 22 years he didn't know you," Taeyeon reminded, "Truly, will he be okay with you staying away longer? He won't get mad at me?"

Sungmin leaned over, bringing her hand to his lips, "He won't get mad at you. And..." Sungmin leaned back in his chair and hesitated. He hadn't told Taeyeon about Kyuhyun's problems with his emotions and his magic. It wasn't for him to tell, regardless of how much he trusted her. He chuckled softly, "It must be a plague on second children borne to royal families. Kyuhyun needs to grow up a little, too."

"Really? He didn't seem like it," Taeyeon mused, "Albeit, his liveliness and flippancy could be taken as immaturity, but I found it... hmm... refreshing."

Sungmin merely smiled, deciding not to confirm or correct her. Sungmin released her hand, crossing his arms once more, "So, it's decided? I'll stay for at least another month and travel with you for your first tour of the estates?"

Taeyeon nodded, "I can't help but feel selfishly happy that I get more time with you."

"And I cannot help but feel I should start getting my affairs in order, especially if we'll be leaving and, once we return I'll be off to the Dark Kingdom right after. I need to write that letter before Kangin leaves," Sungmin said as he stood,

"You won't eat more?" Taeyeon inquired,

Sungmin shook his head, "I'm not too hungry, but you keep eating." He stood at her shoulder, "Unless you want me to keep you company?"

Taeyeon shook her head, "I'm fine on my own. When do you propose we leave?"

"Selfishly, I want to leave as soon as possible, but it's up to you," Sungmin stated, "If you want to spend more time with Eeteuk before we leave, we can do that."

Once again, Taeyeon shook her head, "We'll leave the morning after next to give time for packing. The reason I'm doing this is because he's too busy to do it himself. Besides, if he wanted to spend more time with me, well, he should've come to dinner."

Sungmin laughed openly before leaning down and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head; "Ah, Minx, the people will be surprised when they first meet you."

"Is that a good thing or a bad!?" She questioned as he began walking towards the door,

"For me? Good. For them? That remains to be seen," Sungmin replied, amusement evident in his tone, "Shall I send in the servants?"

"No, I can serve myself," she answered as his footsteps moved farther away,

Once the door closed, Taeyeon sighed heavily, leaning her head against the back of the chair and closing her eyes. She wanted to help her brother to improve herself, to help improve the kingdom. She hadn't been lying to her brother about the reasons why she wanted to be an ambassador, she just hadn't told him all the reasons: she needed to stay busy to keep her mind off of Prince Siwon.

Suddenly losing the remainder of her appetite, Taeyeon stood from her seat and left the dining room.

She wished there was a way to keep her mind preoccupied at night.

...

"Kangin! You're still here?" Taeyeon gaped as she walked into the dining room for breakfast the following morning.

"You didn't really think I would leave without saying goodbye to you, did you Princess?" Kangin inquired as he stood when she entered and bowed as she drew closer.

"Well, when I didn't see you at all last night, I just assumed you had left once the sun went down," Taeyeon admitted as she took her seat to the left of her brother's, Kangin at her right and Sungmin across from her as always. When she sat down, so did the men.

"I'll be leaving after breakfast," Kangin explained, "The king convinced me to rest overnight before travelling again."

"Well, I'm glad for it since it means I get to say goodbye this time," Taeyeon beamed at him,

"It's not goodbye, Princess," Kangin stated, "It's more of a 'until next time' situation. This won't be the last we meet."

"Oh, I hope so," Taeyeon insisted,

"Sungmin was just informing me that he won't be following me... home, just yet," Kangin explained, aware of the servants nearby,

"I know I may seem selfish asking this of him," Taeyeon admitted ruefully,

"Nonsense," Kangin argued, "You're about to take on quite a bit of responsibility. Indeed, it goes beyond what is expected of you as princess or, anyone who is borne to royalty and is not the monarch. It only makes sense that you have a little help, at least during your first outing." He offered a small smile, "I know your parents would be proud." He glanced at Eeteuk who he knew had been staring at him the entire time; "If you'll excuse me Sire, Princess, it is time I leave."

Taeyeon stood and then, rose on the tips of her toes and brushed a kiss to the Dark Mage's cheek, "Thank you for everything, Kangin," she lowered to her natural height and smiled as her amber eyes were veiled with tears; "Until next time?"

"Until next time," Kangin agreed,

Taeyeon raised her hand to his cheek before he could turn away, "You should smile more often, Kangin..." She lowered her voice, "Does this mean your anchor is working?"

"How long have you known?" Kangin asked quietly,

Taeyeon smiled softly as her hand fell away from his cheek, "Some things you said... some things I wondered. I didn't really know until just now when you smiled." Her gaze searched his as amusement seemed to briefly past through the mage's eyes; "Will I ever hear the story of what happened?"

"One day," Kangin insisted. He turned to catch the eye of the lesser mage, "Sungmin, I'll see you in a few weeks." He patted his hip, just to hear the slight crinkle of paper within the silk pocket, "Everything will be fine until you return."

Sungmin nodded solemnly, "Thank you, Kangin."

"Mage, a word before you leave. I'll have a groom prepare your horse in the meantime," Eeteuk stated as he slowly rose, a footman running forward to pull back the chair for the king.

"Of course, Sire," Kangin agreed. With one last glance at Taeyeon and Sungmin, the Dark Mage followed the King of Light out of the dining room.

Eeteuk led Kangin towards a front parlour, a footman closing the door after them to ensure their privacy. Once the door was pulled shut, Kangin leaned his back against it. Folding his arms about his torso, he regarded the older man as Eeteuk turned to face him, a metre separating them.

"Hmm?" Kangin prompted,

Eeteuk closed the distance between them and leaned his forehead against the other's shoulder, closing his eyes, "This is insanity, I've been without you for 15 years."

"I'll be back in a few days," Kangin insisted as he slipped his arms around the young king, "Now that I know I won't be barred from the castle, how can I stay away?"

"Just the thought of a few days without you, now, seem too long," Eeteuk murmured, "What's wrong with me?"

"You want to make up for lost time," Kangin answered quietly, "And I feel the same, at least... I'm beginning to. Eeteuk, once Sungmin returns, however, I cannot visit so frequently since I'll be training him."

"I know and, I wouldn't ask it of you," Eeteuk replied, "Travelling to and fro takes too long. I just wish things had been different.”

“When Sungmin is settled into the Dark Kingdom, I can leave there permanently,” Kangin insisted,

Eeteuk lifted his head to look at him, “You can?”

“I was expecting to leave anyway once I finished working with the second prince of the Dark Kingdom,” Kangin explained,

“Leave where?” Eeteuk inquired, his light brown eyes searching the other’s when, slowly, understanding lit his gaze, “Like how the other mages would go away?”

Kangin nodded in silent reply.

“But, does that mean you won’t stay here either?” Eeteuk asked tentatively, unaccustomed to being reliant on someone else.

Kangin’s expression was unreadable, “Would you want me to stay here after I leave the other kingdom?”

Eeteuk stared back, contemplating his answer. There was so much still to talk about between them and they had only a few hours the previous evening. There was fifteen years of stories to tell one another. There was fifteen years of growth and change to tell one another.

It was almost ridiculous, Eeteuk knew, how quickly he had succumbed to his emotions for the mage. For fifteen years he had held strong, he had live without him. He had grown and learned without him. He had become a man, a king, without him. And, yet, in the span of an evening, of one conversation, he couldn’t bear the thought of not having the mage gone again. He wanted to hold on, to never let him go again.

He knew he was being dependent. Indeed, the strength and independence he had attained with fifteen years of being king, had seemed to slip away at the sight of the mage. Even though he was older than Kangin, he wanted nothing more than to lean on the other’s strength, huddle against his larger, stronger body. He wanted to be held by him, protected by him. He felt as if he didn’t have to be so strong with the younger man around. He didn’t have to play king. He could simply be Eeteuk again.

“Yes,” Eeteuk answered finally, “I want you to stay with me.”

“Eeteuk, you are the king. I cannot stay here forever,” Kangin said quietly, “You are expected to marry and produce heirs to the throne.”

“I need to do no such thing,” Eeteuk scoffed, pulling away from the other man. He stepped back a foot from the mage, crossing his arms over his chest, “Taeyeon is more than capable of marrying and having babies. Regardless if she’s marrying a mage, she’s still a princess and I can name her first son as my successor.”

A corner of Kangin’s mouth quirked in a half smirk, “You have it all planned out, do you?”

“Kangin, I’m not losing you again. I’m not letting you go now that I have you again,” Eeteuk stated seriously, “I’ve already made the biggest mistake of my life fifteen years ago… I refuse to make an even bigger mistake now that I’m older and supposedly wiser.”

Kangin hesitated. What if his anchor wasn’t strong enough and his descent into the Dark completed? If that happened, it would be safer that he was far from people, Eeteuk especially. Worse yet, what if his theory about anchors was wrong? What if there was nothing that could stop Light and Dark from consuming the soul? Sungmin was proving otherwise after seven years of training, but he had been training for longer than that. Perhaps it was too late to reclaim his soul? Seventeen years was a long time without a complete soul.

“Give me the chance to make up for my mistake,” Eeteuk said quietly, his pale brown eyes boring into the mage’s.

Kangin sighed heavily as he leaned over and brushed his lips against the king’s forehead, “We’ll deal with this when the time comes, okay?”

“Kangin –”

“Things have progressed rapidly since yesterday evening, Eeteuk. I don’t want us to rush into anything, especially when everything is essentially new for us,” Kangin explained, “I’ll be back within a week, okay?”

Eeteuk nodded, “You sure you’re okay to travel? You got enough sleep last evening?”

“Yes, the guestroom provided was certainly more luxurious than I have ever asked for,” Kangin said as he opened the door, stepping back to allow the king to precede him out of the parlour,

“Hmm… I wonder what the advisors will think when they find out you’re visiting the castle again,” Eeteuk mused as he led the way out of the front entrance, footman holding the door open for the king.

“They’ll probably do all they can to convince you to lock the doors against me,” Kangin shrugged as a groom walked forward with his horse,

“They won’t succeed this time, I promise,” Eeteuk said sternly,

“I believe you,” Kangin replied simply as he easily hoisted himself onto his horse, “When do they intend to head out for the first estate?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Eeteuk answered, “They’ll spend a few days at each estate before returning and, then, she’ll be heading off again.”

“You’re going to send half an army to guard her, aren’t you?” Kangin inquired as he took the reins from the groom, trace amusement in his silvery eyes,

“Of course,” Eeteuk scoffed, “As if I’d do any less.”

“So long as you remember to keep half an army to guard you,” Kangin said lightly, even as his eyes held a peculiar light, a specific meaning. He bowed his head, “Your Majesty, until next time.”

Eeteuk gazed at him a moment before giving a curt nod, “Until next time, Mage.”

Eeteuk watched as Kangin turned his horse around and road out of the courtyard. It wasn’t long before the Dark Mage was completely out of his sight.

…

“It’s been raining non-stop. Is Kyuhyun alright?”

“Hmm? Yes, Father,” Siwon replied.

He sat in a wooden chair beside his father’s bed, room dimly lit by the soft glow coming from the fireplace as darkness loomed outside of all the windows. They remained alone in the room; a habit of his father’s to dismiss any servants from the bedchamber when he or Kyuhyun visited. His father had never been a small man, but now, he looked frail beneath the layers of blankets which covered him. He was propped up against numerous amounts of pillows in a half-sitting position. His dark hair was streaked with silver and his face looked a decade older simply because of how gaunt and sickly it looked.

“Is he? He hasn’t been to visit me since a few mornings ago,” the Dark King replied, his voice deep but gravelly.

“The Dark Mage had to leave for a few days, so Kyuhyun has been asleep,” Siwon explained, leaning back in his chair and crossing one knee over the other, “It’s been quite quiet over the past few days and I cannot seriously complain about that.”

His father chuckled softly before bringing a handkerchief to his pale lips and coughing violently. Before his father could completely hide the white cloth, Siwon was alarmed to see a hint of red. His father had fallen into a melancholy after the death of his mother, however, it was only within the past few years that his health had begun to decline. It was only within the past year that his father had been confined to his bed.

“Kangin has left? But he has never left. At least, not so far that Kyuhyun is asleep for more than a night,” the king stated,

“He was expected to return yesterday evening, but, perhaps he sought to rest prior to journeying back home,” Siwon offered,

“And where has he gone to?” The king questioned, “To the other side of the kingdom?”

“More like to the other kingdom,” Siwon answered casually,

The king’s gaze sharpened, “The Light Kingdom? Whatever for?”

“To escort the princess and her mage home,” Siwon answered, his face devoid of emotion,

“Gone already? I never even got to meet the princess,” The king mused, “Had I known she’d be leaving so soon, I would have ventured outside of this bedchamber for a meeting with her.” He eyed his eldest son peculiarly, “Why wasn’t I informed of their pending departure?”

“The decision occurred quite rapidly,” Siwon said, “The advisors came at noon two days ago and the princess was gone by nightfall.”

“The advisors drove her away?” The king questioned, straightening against his pillows, “And you let them?”

“I didn’t let them do anything of the sort,” Siwon scoffed, “The princess had already decided to return home all on her own. She found the advisors’ visit conveniently timed as she was leaving anyway. It was no bother to her to leave.”

“That still doesn’t explain why I wasn’t informed,” The king stated, his voice firm; “It takes no more than a few minutes to send word to your own father!”

“My apologies, Father,” Siwon insisted, “I was out in the gardens all day.”

“You’re always in the gardens, but that never stopped you before,” the king said, suspicion evident in the way he watched his son, “What are you hiding, Siwon?”

“Nothing, Father,” Siwon replied simply.

It was easy to hide his emotions and reactions from his father; he had felt nothing since he woke up yesterday morning. Whatever inclinations he was beginning to have for emotions and feelings, had slipped away back into their void. It was a saddening thought that he ruthlessly ignored.

“Indeed? You mean you didn’t develop a tendre for the princess while she was here?” The king inquired casually even as his dark eyes were sharp and observant,

“Father –”

“Oh, do stop lying to my face, Siwon,” his father sighed as he leaned back against his copious amount of feather pillows, crossing his arms over his chest and thick brows narrowed ever so slightly, “I know it, the servants know it, so do stop trying to play your father a fool. I’m sick, not stupid.”

“The servants know?” Siwon straightened in his chair, brows raised in surprise,

“Of course they do, how else do you think I knew?” His father scoffed, “The head butler tells me all kinds of things of you taking walks with the princess and spending time after dinner with her. And, it would explain the constant deluge if your brother has been sleeping. If she takes after her mother, you'd be blind not to notice her beauty."

"Father!" Siwon exclaimed,

His father waved away his words before bringing his handkerchief to his lips and coughing again. Once his coughs had ceased, he said, "I'm not saying your mother wasn't beautiful, I'm just saying so was the Queen of Light."

"You saw the Queen of Light, then? I'm assuming when I was very young since I do not remember," Siwon asked, folding his arms loosely about his torso,

"Very often the royal families met," his father admitted, "of course, that was when there was peace amongst the kingdoms... the people."

Siwon remained silent as his father's gaze slowly drifted away. He knew one of his father's greatest regrets was being unable to prevent the war after the murders of the King and Queen of Light. For months, his father travelled, trying to convince the people to stop fighting. However, they fought amongst themselves, trying to find who had been the assassin. And they wanted revenge for the lives they lost when the Light Kingdom retaliated. Even as the armies defended the kingdom, fighting back the other soldiers, his father had striven to obtain a truce with the young King of Light. It had taken fifteen years too long and his father never forgot that failing.

"When there is true peace again between the kingdoms, I would like to visit the Light Kingdom again. They have the most beautiful of night flowers there. Meadows of them, in fact," the king recalled as he leaned back the pillows, closing his eyes as if suddenly too tired to keep them open; "Their lifespan, of course, is very short, practically wilted by the time the rooster crows. And, if it's true that the people of Light no longer venture out when the sun is gone... well, it is a waste sight indeed."

"It's a waste for the night flowers to bloom so plentiful in the Light Kingdom, when it could be appreciated in the Dark Kingdom," Siwon said,

"No, our people are afraid of the night as well," his father countered; "But, from the stories of old, it is said that the night flowers which bloom in the Light Kingdom do so because they are manifestations of Light Magic even in darkness. Likewise, when there is rain and the clouds hide the sun, it is the manifestation of Dark Magic during the day. Such things are helping keep the balance of Light and Dark Magic in our world."

"Did you ever worry Mother would lose her soul to her magic?" Siwon asked, "Granted, she probably didn't use it a lot, but it is still a fear."

"When I met your mother, she was on her way to being a mage," his father admitted quietly, sleepily; "She had mastered the earth elemental and was beginning to train with water magic. She had lost most of her soul by then, Siwon."

"What!?" Siwon sat up, practically shifted to the edge of his seat as his heart began to pound with anticipation; "You and Mother never mentioned that to us!"

"It took me so long to convince her to marry me because she had none of the warm emotions anymore. Of course, she said it's because I was arrogant and annoying," his father chuckled slightly, softly enough he didn't end up coughing, "Your mother used magic extensively for years before we married and, after it, every day. The sculptures she would create were unique and beautiful... Yes, there were times when I worried for her soul, but after twenty years of magic use... there was no chance she'd lose her soul."

"Twenty years... how is that possible? True, mages go for decades, but they are emotionless after the first decade," Siwon said,

“I suspect, had your mother lived, her soul would have been fine as we grew old together,” his father mused sleepily,

“But… how?” Siwon asked, silently willing his father to stay awake just a little longer.

“Anchor…” His father murmured before he grew silent, his head slowly lolling to the side.

Siwon watched his father for a moment. His parents had found a way for a person’s soul to withstand the constant and overuse of magic. Surely the mages would have known, wouldn’t they? If not, then perhaps there was a way to protect his brother’s soul as he stubbornly continued to practice magic. Possibly, then, there was a chance for his own soul to be reclaimed.

He hadn’t used magic as extensively as Kyuhyun ever did and certainly not even close to the amount Kangin used each day. However, the expense of magic it took to erect the gardens after his mother’s death, took a great toll on him. He had wanted desperately to revive the back lawns, to cover up the death and destruction the fire had left behind. His exterior remained the same as his interior was hollowed out.

His father had been right, of course. He had developed feelings for the princess and, indeed, on more than one occasion, admitted to himself in love with her. Despite the turmoil things ended in, he couldn’t help but remember the way he felt warmer emotions again.

It took me so long to convince her to marry me because she had none of the warm emotions anymore.

Despite the short amount of time, he had used so much Dark Magic that he had lost the ability to feel and express happiness and joy. Even affection he felt trace amounts when his brother was around. With the princess, however, it was like his body suddenly remembered how to feel happiness, how to smile. It felt as if his heart had begun to pump with renewed life, his body regenerated with warmth. He had felt love again in its truest essence and, now, it was always associated with pain.

Pushing those thoughts away, he stood from his chair and headed for the door. Throwing one last look at his father over his shoulder, he left, informing the footman his father was asleep and to continue to do hourly checks on the monarch. He wanted his father protected. He wanted his father alive to witness true peace.

…

It was barely past dawn when Taeyeon was stepping out into the front courtyard, her maid just a few steps behind her. The sky was still dark, just a few streaks of palest blue and gold streaking across the horizon. She stood back as two carriages were being prepared for the first outing. The first carriage would be for her use. The second carriage would hold the trunks and her maid. Indeed, her maid was grateful the princess was such a light traveler, meaning the second carriage would have more than enough space for the maid to relax and sleep for the journey.

“Two carriages… one carriage would have been more than enough,” Taeyeon scoffed as her brother came and stood at her side,

“Nonsense. I’m not going to allow you to travel like any other person. You’re a princess, Tae, the princess and, it’s only right that I set you up in the lap of luxury during your travels,” Eeteuk stated,

“I’m just saying, there’s more than enough space for luggage, my maid and myself in one carriage,” Taeyeon said,

Eeteuk shrugged, “Regardless of our wishes, we do have appearances to uphold. What would the people think if my beloved sister were travelling around like a baroness?”

“You’re really pompous sometimes,” Taeyeon accused lightly, “If I had it my way, I’d be on horseback, riding alongside Sungmin.”

“Sungmin’s the one who suggested the carriages,” Eeteuk revealed, glancing at his sister from the corner of his eye;

“What?” Taeyeon gasped,

“You almost fell off your horse the last time you were tired and stubborn,” the mage reminded, hearing the tail-end of their conversation as he approached from the stables; “The journey to the nearest estate is an even longer distance than from here to… the other place,” he glanced at the maid who stood behind the princess,

“Very well,” Taeyeon sighed before turning to her maid and giving her leave to go into the carriage already. “I hope you won’t be too bored alone in the carriage.”

“Not at all, Your Highness, I have a book or two to keep myself occupied,” the maid insisted before she dipped low to the siblings and proceeded to the second carriage.

Taeyeon turned towards her brother, “I suppose this is goodbye, Teuk,” she said with a sad smile,

“At least you’re actually saying goodbye this time,” Eeteuk muttered,

“Sire, I’ll leave you two to your goodbyes,” Sungmin stated, bowing low to the king, throwing him a grin before turning and heading towards the first carriage and standing by its door.

“Take care, Tae,” Eeteuk said, “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lost you for real,” he said as he embraced her tightly, “And not because you’re just my sister and I have to care, but because you make me care… because you’ve been my closest companion and only friend all those years during the war. I told you once I trusted you because I knew you’d never betray me since we were siblings, but, I’ve realized that I trust you because you’re you. I really cannot lose you, Tae.”

Taeyeon hugged her brother back, squeezing him tightly as she fought back tears, “How can I not be safe when I have an entourage of 20 guards and Sungmin with me?” She sighed heavily as she stepped out of his arms, “I’ll write every time I reach a new estate and, before you know it, I’ll be back here again.”

“Only to leave again,” Eeteuk commented dryly. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he reached into his pocket and pulled a small bottle of clear fluid and handed it to her, “The oil you asked for. There are more bottles I had your maid pack for you as well.”

Taeyeon opened the stopper and a familiar, cloying scent wafted into her nose, “Vanilla.”

“I always knew you were around because of the scent of vanilla,” Eeteuk explained,

“I washed my hair with vanilla-scented water… you knew?” Taeyeon blinked,

Eeteuk chuckled softly, “Of course, I did. It surrounded you for years and you thought I wouldn’t notice?” He eyed his sister, “Did you expect me not to notice your clothes, either?”

“You have no ground to stand on concerning how I dress,” Taeyeon defended as she pocketed the bottle of oil.

The princess was dressed in a silk jungchimak of brilliant emerald with short sleeves and gold embroidery along all the edges. Her paji were the same pristine-white pair that she had taken from storage and her feet encased in soft, black leather. She had the robes made in the exact same style creating four pairs with the jungchimak varying in shades of deepest green.

Eeteuk sighed, “I suppose I should have known when you summoned a seamstress to the castle after years of not having new dresses made.”

“I mean how you hid the fact that you have magic,” Taeyeon accused, amber gaze narrowing at her brother.

She had avoided all talk about her brother’s deception, merely relishing in being home again and trying to make up for her disappearance. She decided, however, that since she was leaving, she might as well bring up the topic.

“It’s not like I ever used my magic anyway,” Eeteuk shrugged, “And I have my reasons for not telling you about my magic.”

“Such as?” Taeyeon questioned,

“In all essence, I gave up my magic when the war began. I didn’t want to lose my soul to it,” Eeteuk answered, “And, so, I decided to be an example to you and show you that you could live without using magic. Of course, you used that as your argument, so, perhaps it would have been better if I showed you living with magic but not using it."

"And all that time the sleep spell was from you, not the drink you were giving me," Taeyeon accused,

"It helped you sleep and that's all that mattered," Eeteuk defended, "Now, off you go if you want to reach the first estate before midnight."

"We'll talk about this another time," Taeyeon warned, as she hugged him one last time,

"Just put it in one of your letters to me," Eeteuk suggested as he offered his arm and led her to the first carriage; "That way, when you do come back, I don't have to hear you yelling at me."

"Humph," She scoffed as she pulled away from him, "Just answer me this before I go."

"Hmm?" Eeteuk prompted as Sungmin helped Taeyeon into the carriage,

"Why does it seem like Kangin knows more about you than I do?" Taeyeon questioned as she sat on the forward-facing side

"It's just because Kangin knew me when we were younger," Eeteuk insisted,

"I don't mean to offend, as your friend or your subject, but you need to learn to lie better," Sungmin commented lightly as he sat on the backward-facing side.

"You two will be the death of me," Eeteuk muttered, folding his arms about his torso, "Okay, off with the both of you."

"You'll be okay all alone?" Taeyeon grinned,

"Yes, yes. I've done it for a week; a few more weeks won't hurt," Eeteuk insisted, "You both be safe."

Eeteuk closed the carriage door and stepped back. The carriage rolled towards the courtyard's gate and 20 guards surrounded both of the carriages. Eeteuk watched as the large entourage left the courtyard.

And, once again, he was alone.

…

He woke up exhausted. He felt as if he had slept for a hundred years and his body no longer remembered what it was like to be awake and active. His body felt like lead as he rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. He heard and felt the crinkle of paper beneath his face and rolled to his side, picking up the envelope that had been on his pillow.

“What the…”

“My apologies for taking so long,” Kangin said. He stood near the foot of the bed, a shoulder propped against the post and arms crossed over his chest; “The princess and king insisted I rest before returning back to the Dark Kingdom. Then, when I returned yesterday night, I thought it was best you sleep until the morning.”

“Yes… yes, that makes sense,” Kyuhyun murmured, “What day is it?”

“You were put to sleep three evenings ago,” Kangin answered,

“Really? That’s… what is this?” Kyuhyun asked as he began opening the envelope revealing a single sheet of paper,

“It’s from Sungmin,” Kangin explained. He held up a hand when the prince opened his mouth; “Let me explain before you begin overreacting. The king has requested one last favour of Sungmin prior to him leaving the Light Kingdom. Sungmin accepted and will be here as soon as he is finished. Read the letter.”

Kyuhyun scowled at the older man before opening up the letter.

Kyuhyun,

I will remain in the Light Kingdom for a little while longer. The king has requested something of me and I have accepted it as both his friend and his subject. If this raises any doubts in you, just know that I will be there as soon as I have completed this last task. Kangin can ascertain my sincerity in this.

In all honesty, I believe this time apart will help the both of us. We came together so quickly, that I believe we were caught up in the rush of emotions. This momentary separation will help us to clearly reflect upon our feelings. I am not saying that my feelings for you have changed. If anything, they have grown. But I need this time to understand my emotions and you need this time to depend upon yourself.

You have relied on Kangin for so long and, had the king not requested this task of me, you would have turned to relying on me. I am not saying you cannot rely on me, or that I do not want you to. The opposite, in fact, is true. However, you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet. You need to learn how to live for yourself again after having lived to keep your brother whole.

Take this time to grow and to be selfish. Take this time to rediscover who you are. And, when I return in six weeks, I hope who you become will still care for me.

Always,
Sungmin

“Insolent mage,” Kyuhyun muttered as he tossed the letter onto his pillow and managed to pull himself out of bed,

“So, it wasn’t a good letter?” Kangin asked, amusement in his tone,

“It was three paragraphs long and most of it stating how good this time apart will be,” Kyuhyun scoffed as he walked towards his bathroom,

“And will the separation be good?” Kangin inquired,

“He means well, I just don’t know if he’ll prove to be right. He has an awful amount of faith in me,” Kyuhyun muttered as he began splashing cold water onto his face; “For all we know I could be consumed by the Dark tomorrow.”

“You’re always such a fount of optimism,” Kangin commented, sarcasm wrapping his words,

Kyuhyun straightened and glared at the mage, “And you’re usually as expressive as a door. Where are these emotions coming from? What has happened to you during the past two days I’ve been asleep?”

“I have regained my anchor,” Kangin answered simply as he walked to the bathroom door,

Kyuhyun sighed as he grabbed a towel and began drying his face, “Well, aren’t you fortunate.”

Kangin eyed him peculiarly, “Your anchor… it hasn’t been working, has it? Not lately anyway.”

Kyuhyun contemplated not telling the mage anything. Despite being friends, he didn’t have to tell him everything. However, in this, in regards to magic and anchors, it was the one thing Kangin would truly be able to help him with. He sighed heavily as he turned and leaned his hips against the counter, the towel held loosely in his hands.

“I think when two people have only each other the anchor works. However, as both people begin to be drawn away, that is when it fails,” Kyuhyun said quietly, “Before, my anchor had been my father and brother. When Father grew ill, my attention focused solely on Siwon during training because if I thought of my father, I would get sad and unable to concentrate. I did not think grief a good thing for one’s anchor. However, lately, my brother doesn’t need me as much as he used to. He had emotions not of my doing which means I no longer have to pretend simply to keep him whole.”

“You shouldn’t have had to do that in the first place,” Kangin interjected,

“It’s of no consequence. It’s true, he didn’t ask it of me, but I wanted to,” Kyuhyun replied, “Anyway, with Siwon going off on his own, my anchor seems to not be working anymore. That isn’t to say I love him less, it just means the bond that held us together has changed, matured. He is no longer the most important thing to me.” He glanced at the Dark Mage, “It is a sad thing when a brother cannot be one’s anchor.”

“It is the nature of the love. You know your brother dislikes your magic use and his support has always been wavering. That creates instability in the bond and, thus, causes it to be weakened,” Kangin explained, “That’s why when mages are taught to find an anchor, it is stressed that it must be strong enough to withstand anything. I am not insulting or meaning to offend your brother, nor am I judging him, but had he supported you in this endeavour, then perhaps he would still remain as your anchor.”

The Dark Mage leaned a shoulder against the doorframe, “It is difficult for someone to be an anchor, because the mage’s soul relies on that person. Of course, it helps if you told your brother his role in your training, but I doubt that would help circumstances.”

“Does it work?” Kyuhyun asked as he hung the towel again, “Can anchors really protect a person’s soul? All the mages of old failed and eventually went into isolation and killed themselves.”

“I would be a sore example seeing as I have been without my anchor for fifteen years,” Kangin admitted before adding, “However, Sungmin is proof enough. He has been training for seven years and his emotions are completely intact.”

“That’s true, but his eyes…” Kyuhyun recalled,

“They’re changing colours, that’s true,” Kangin conceded, “However, that’s merely physical manifestation of magic use. The eyes will change regardless of completeness of one’s soul. The eyes merely note how much one’s soul is merged with magic.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Kyuhyun argued,

“There is a difference between one’s soul being merged with magic and one’s soul being taken over by magic,” Kangin explained, “And, considering Sungmin’s emotions are completely intact, I would venture a guess that his soul is merging with his magic rather than being consumed by it.”

“Who is his anchor?” Kyuhyun questioned,

“If I tell you, will you promise to control your emotions?” Kangin challenged,

Kyuhyun sighed knowing the answer immediately, “I should’ve known it was Taeyeon.”

“Don’t be jealous,” Kangin warned, “She’s known him far longer than you have.”

“I know, I know and, in truth, I’m not that jealous. Well, perhaps a little, but not enough for my magic to be triggered,” Kyuhyun admitted, “Taeyeon is strong enough to be Sungmin’s anchor. How can I aspire to be his anchor when I’m not stable myself?”

“Being stable has nothing to do with it. Taeyeon is not the traditional princess with self-confidence galore and a healthy dose of arrogance that usually goes with the package,” Kangin commented, “She makes for a strong anchor because of her ability and capacity to love.”

“If she was able to care about my brother, then that says a lot about her,” Kyuhyun joked before sighing softly, sobering then; “I knew she was formidable the moment she allowed her hand to burn just to protect this supposed peace between the kingdoms. You should have seen her hand, then, Kangin… it was bright red and burned to the bone in some places. The fact that she had remained conscious during the entire ordeal was amazing all on its own. If her love is even a fraction of that of her devotion and sense of duty to her kingdom…”

“The princess – do you know what or who is her anchor?” Kyuhyun inquired,

“Who knows? It could be her brother; they’re all they have left of one another. They’ve been orphaned for fifteen years now,” Kangin commented; “It could be Sungmin. They’re very close and, if she can be his anchor, I’m sure he can reciprocate the role. At one point, I would’ve considered your brother as an anchor for the princess, also, however… well, if he was, he proved not to be a strong one. He doesn’t support her magic any more than he supports yours. Not to mention they’re at odds again… There’s too much friction between them right now for him to be a strong enough anchor.”

“They’re still fighting?” Kyuhyun asked as he headed out of the bathroom, Kangin moving aside to give him passage,

“Yes, and she even tried to talk to him before we left,” Kangin revealed, “Your brother doesn’t listen well to reason.”

“No, you need to beat it into him,” Kyuhyun muttered as he walked towards his closet, “I might just be the one to do it if he continues to prove stubborn.”

“Not until I’m done with you,” Kangin stated,

“Done, what? Training?” Kyuhyun questioned,

“Somewhat. You need to learn to moderate your emotions and you need to suppress the darkness during the night,” Kangin said, “And I only have a few days to teach you.”

“What?” Kyuhyun paused in the doorway to his closet, “A few days? But, Sungmin will be gone for six weeks!”

“Indeed, but you need to learn how to live without me or him, first,” Kangin stated, crossing his arms over his chest,

“I need to… did you read his letter?” Kyuhyun accused,

“No, but if he said the same thing, then it must be true,” Kangin stated dryly. His expression softened, “Kyuhyun, I’ve been helping you for eight years. Yes, you learned how to control your magic and you even know how to wield it someone. But, we should have been catering to your emotions too. Your magic control means nothing if your emotions are still volatile enough to tip the scales.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Kyuhyun questioned, “You think I like being on a short fuse allthe time with every emotion?”

“That’s why we’re going to work on controlling your emotions,” Kangin stated, “And we begin today.”

"You're annoying," Kyuhyun muttered as he disappeared into his closet,

"I'm right," Kangin corrected as he walked over and leaned against one of the posts by the foot of the bed.

"I never said you weren't right, I just said you were annoying," Kyuhyun called out,

"As long as we're in agreement that I'm right," Kangin said,

"Would it be archaic to order your head chopped off?" Kyuhyun questioned exasperatedly.

Kangin laughed in response.

And it felt good.

...
( Chapter 14: Dark Days)

[00SJ29] feminine!Heechul pt 6

words: 878
rate: PG13
(Day 29 of the Fanfiction series.)


It was the second last day of the challenge. Indeed, it was hard to believe that it had already been almost a month since Heechul had first issued the fanfiction challenge to the members of SJ and SJ-M. Lately, the text messages, emails and phone calls had been coming in two’s and three’s, complaining of different stories members had read which supported their earlier complaints. He would have smugly acknowledged the amount, especially considering how resistant the members were to reading in the beginning. He would have.

Unfortunately, no one read as many fanfictions as Heechul did and, unfortunately, he had found another reason to complain. So, as Heechul waited in the airport with Shindong, Kibum and Sungmin, he stated another complaint to the members.

“I’m a woman!” Heechul hissed at the other three members.

One by one, they slowly turned their gazes towards Heechul. They sat in two rows of seats that faced each other, Shindong and Heechul on one side, Kibum and Sungmin in front of them.

“You could’ve fooled us… hyung,” Kibum deadpanned,

Heechul scowled, “I mean the writers. I’m almost always a woman.”

“That can’t be true,” Shindong replied, “I should know, you’re always a man in my stories.”

“Out of all the gender-switch stories, I’m the one who’s most often changed into a woman,” Heechul stated, crossing his arms over his chest,

“Really? I thought it was me,” Sungmin mused, “I’m always a woman to Kyuhyun’s… erm… man.”

“I’ve done the calculations and 78.3% of all gender-switch stories, has me being the woman,” Heechul said matter-of-factly,

The three members blinked at him.

“78.3%...” Shindong repeated slowly, “You can’t be that accurate.”

“I’m pretty sure I can be,” Heechul defended, “I’ve done the math. This isn’t some wildly concocted number – it’s scientific!”

“There’s a complicated mathematical formula, but it is accurate,” Kibum said, finally,

Sungmin angled in his seat to face the younger member, “Really? You know of it?”

“We had Kyuhyun make it last week,” Kibum admitted, “And it’s proven to be quite accurate after we tested it a few times. We’d change the percentage to a ratio and then tested out the ratio.”

Shindong raised a brow, “What did you test the ratio on?”

Kibum looked away, his expression darkening, “Eunhae.”

“Wait, wait, wait, you’ve been bitching and complaining about Eunhae almost all month, it’s my turn,” Heechul interjected,

Three pairs of eyes swung towards Heechul all at once.

“What?” He asked suspiciously,

“You’ve complained more times than anyone else,” Shindong stated,

“This is… what? Your sixth complaint?” Kibum questioned,

“And, they’re always about the same thing,” Sungmin added,

“In truth, your complaints should only count as one,” Shindong concluded, “They’re all about you being feminine in stories.”

“But, this time they’re actually turning me into a woman!” Heechul exclaimed, garnering them looks from several nearby people.

“Shh!” Shindong said, “It’s hard enough having security keeping the fans away without you yelling such weird things.”

“I’d let them near just to prove to them I’m a man,” Heechul muttered,

Kibum blinked, “That sounds… so wrong.”

Heechul scowled, “You know what I meant, I was going to scold them for portraying me as such. First, they’re always saying that I’m always catching when it’s more often the other way around.”

“Did not have to hear that repeated,” Shindong sighed as he glanced away,

“Then, they call me beautiful,” Heechul said, “A man is supposed to be handsome damn it!”

“I thought you liked being called beautiful,” Kibum interjected,

“Then, they comment on my hair as if they know my hair,” Heechul scoffed,

“I can’t believe we’re recounting his complaints,” Sungmin said to Kibum,

“They always call it Hanchul,” Heechul continued, “Putting me last – AGAIN!”

“I have tried spreading Heekyung, it just doesn’t stick with other writers,” Shindong shrugged, still looking away, pretending like he wasn’t a part of the conversation,

“And saying I’m forever wearing pink,” Heechul sighed dramatically,

“You did take back all the pink clothes you gave me,” Sungmin reminded gravely, crossing his arms,

“Finally, they throw the last gauntlet!” Heechul exclaimed, seemingly not caring that crowds of fans stood just a few metres away; “They take away the one thing that makes me a man! They take away my p-”

Shindong immediately lunged at Heechul, clasping both hands over the older man’s mouth, the rest of his sentence muffled; “Dear Buddha, Heechul! I can’t believe you were about to yell that in public!”

Heechul pried the other’s hand from his mouth, “I was going to say pride…”

Shindong rolled his eyes as he settled back into his seat, “Yeah… right.”

“Well, it is my pride,” Heechul stated smugly, glancing down at his own lap,

Shindong looked away again, trying to distance himself from the conversation at hand, “Why ever did I agree to come with you to the airport?”

“Because you owe me a favour,” Heechul shrugged, seemingly having calmed down, finally.

“Oh! They’re connecting the bridge to the plane!” Sungmin said happily, jumping to his feet,

“There better not be any Haemi when they come through those doors,” Kibum grumbled as he slowly got to his feet,

“Haemi? I thought Haery was more popular?” Sungmin inquired,

Kibum’s eyes narrowed, “Another Donghae-pairing? Damn his beautiful face.”

Heechul sighed in mock-drama as he touched the back of his hand to his forehead, “And, I am forgotten once again.”

“This whole month has been about you and your stupid challenge,” Kibum muttered,

Heechul shrugged, a smug smile on his face, “Oh, well, after tomorrow, you’ll all be calling me ‘hyung’.”


(Day 30: The Perfect Plan)

[00SJ24] Love Quindecagon

words: 1208
rate: PG13
(Day 24 of the Fanfiction series.)


On the twenty-fourth day of the challenge, some of the members were gathered in the 12th-floor dorm watching a movie. Shindong, Sungmin and Yesung were sitting on the larger couch facing the television set immersed in an action movie. Kibum was on the smaller couch with his laptop on his lap while Donghae managed to sit atop the couches’ adjacent armrests, watching the movie while his legs aimlessly swung just barely missing the side of Kibum’s screen and the glass Shindong was holding, lightly tabled on his own knee.

All was calm in the living room. The hero was creeping down a silent hallway, his gun poised before him. He slowly approached the corner and the members watching the movie silently sucked in anticipatory breaths.

“SHIN DONGHEE!”

The members jumped, suddenly surprised at the exclamation made in the living room rather than in the movie. Heechul stepped before them, swiping the remote that Sungmin threw into the air with surprise and turned off the movie. Hands on his hips, he glared at Shindong who was staring at Donghae.

“Sorry, Hae… I didn’t mean it,” Shindong apologized,

Donghae, who was now drenched in his hyung’s lemonade hopped off the armrests and sighed heavily, “It’s okay, I’ll go change. Kibum, are you coming?”

“Game. Go away,” Kibum muttered, his gaze concentrated on the screen as his fingers danced along the keys. He was the only member in the living room who hadn’t jumped in surprise.

“Are you kidding me?” Donghae gaped as he stared down at the younger man, “Eunhae!”

Kibum’s gaze whipped towards the other man, “Don’t even start–”

“I just did!”

“Yah! This is an interrogation not a drama!” Heechul exclaimed, wedging himself between Donghae and Kibum who had put his laptop to the side to stand up. Standing directly before Shindong, he glared, “Why have you closed your site!?”

“YOU HAVE A SITE!?” The other members exclaimed in unison,

“For my stories,” Shindong nodded, “And I closed it because I’m making a statement.”

“What? That you want to piss off Kim Heechul!?” Heechul demanded,

“I think his statement is that he wants to close his site,” Yesung said matter-of-factly,

Shindong blinked at his hyung before slowly turning back to look at Heechul who was also giving Yesung a typical you’re-lucky-people-think-you’re-hot-and-how-the-hell-does-Ryeowook-stand-your-logic look. Shindong cleared his throat to get Heechul’s attention, “I’m tired of reading stories and series where we’re all gay… all fifteen of us.”

“What’s wrong with being gay!?” Heechul and Donghae demanded. Yesung, another gay member present, was staring at the ceiling, his head bouncing left to right as he sung softly to himself about his beloved turtles.

Donghae looked around Heechul at Kibum, the last of the gay members in the living room, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’m not gay,” Kibum answered simply, sitting back down and pulling his laptop back onto his thighs, “I just happen to have a boyfriend. Up until you, I’ve been perfectly straight.”

“Not gay? Up until me? Why I ought to –”

“Focus!” Heechul exclaimed, snapping his fingers in front of Donghae’s face, “We were just insulted!”

“I didn’t insult you… if anything, the writers insult us by assuming that just because we’re a mass-male band, then we’re all automatically gay,” Shindong defended,

“I like being straight,” Sungmin piped up, “There’s no such thing as a perfect line, so my sexual orientation is the only thing that’s perfectly straight!”

Heechul blinked, face scrunched up in confusion, “Have you been hanging out with Yesung a lot lately?”

“Everyday,” Sungmin nodded,

“Ah… makes sense now,” Heechul glanced at the other members, who were also nodding in revelation. His attention focused back on Shindong, “Okay, fine, make a statement, but why don’t you literally make one by posting it or whatever instead of closing your site? I need something to read!”

Shindong’s gaze narrowed, “I’m not the only damn writer out there, so go find something else to read!”

“No! The whole point of this challenge is that all fanfiction writers piss me off,” Heechul whined,

“I thought the whole point was to get everyone to call you hyung,” Kibum stated flatly,

“That too,” Heechul nodded, “But seriously, isn’t it going a bit far to just close your site because other writers have stories where we’re all gay?”

“It’s bad enough that I rarely get paired up in stories, but if they’re not going to pair me off to the rest of you, at least make me straight and give me a girlfriend or something!” Shindong exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest, “But no, they keep me single, gay and alone.”

“I feel like Shiwon should be a part of this conversation,” Sungmin commented then,

“Fine, fine… Donghae, go change your shirt and when you come back, we’ll call Shiwon,” Heechul instructed. Turning his glare from Shindong, he gracefully plopped down on the couch beside Kibum, “Yah, who are you playing against?”

“Kyuhyun. I’m beating him,” Kibum smiled,

Heechul watched the screen, “That’s not Kyuhyun. I mean, that’s his screen name and avatar, but he’s probably trying to teach Zhou Mi again. Notice how he’s only doing the same move over and over again?”

“Ugh! Then why the hell am I playing him?” Kibum slammed his screen down, effectively cutting off the game. “There’s no satisfaction unless I’m playing you or Kyuhyun.”

“You’re doing what with him and Kyuhyun?” Donghae questioned as he came back, a new, dry shirt on,

“Games,” Kibum stressed, “Geez, didn’t you listen? I’m straight, I’m just gay for you.”

“That’s oddly sweet,” Shindong murmured,

“Okay, it just went from drama to fucking fluff. Let’s call up Shiwon so I can go back to convincing Shindong to reopen his site,” Heechul stated, pulling out his cellular phone, “Where is he? Do you guys know?”

“He’s walking one of my pets,” Yesung said then,

The other five members looked at him, startled. It was Shindong to reluctantly ask him, “Your pets… you only have turtles.”

“Yup,” Yesung nodded proudly,

“And Shiwon’s out walking one of them?” Shindong slowly asked,

“Yup, even using their favourite collar and leash!” Yesung exclaimed happily,

Heechul blinked. Five times exactly before shaking his head as if dispelling Yesung’s inane comments from his mind. Then he turned his attention back to his phone, “Yeah, well, we’ll call him anyways.” He held the phone to his ear,

“Hello?”

“Shiwon! Sex god in bed!”

A heavy sigh, “This can only be Heechul… at least say it in mandarin to pretend you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“You didn’t know it was me? You have caller I.D.!” Heechul exclaimed as he turned on the speakerphone,

“Yesung’s turtle is being aggressive. I didn’t have time to look at the screen before answering,” Shiwon defended as Yesung nodded sympathetically.

“Yah, well, we’re having a discussion about being gay versus being straight,” Heechul stated loudly so that his voice would carry to the phone’s microphone.

“Oh my Buddha. Okay…”

“Well, in the fanfiction world,” Heechul added belatedly, “But yeah, it’s okay to be gay right?”

“Not literally… but fictionally?” Came Shiwon’s hesitant inquiry,

“Yes,” Heechul replied.

Pause.

Distant scolding aimed at Yesung’s turtle.

Another pause.

“Yah! Shiwon! Answer already!” Heechul commanded impatiently,

Sigh.

“I refuse to answer.”

Click.


(Day 25: Those who rise in the east)

[045] Episode Three

theme: o45. Smooth
pair: Shindong/Sungmin
rate: PG
words: 5558
#: 86/100
(Episode Three of the Campus Life series)


Spring Semester 1, May

Life was supposed to be easier.

Midterms were done, so, ergo, life was supposed to be easier. Midterms were hell and that was saying a lot for Sungmin who had always been good at the sciences. Throughout elementary, middle and high school, he had managed to get high grades in the sciences (and mathematics, the bastard) without having to study to hard. However, third year in honours science was proving to be more problematic than he had previously assumed. He knew that his course load was very heavy that year, but midterms had nearly slaughtered him.

But midterms were easy compared to his current problem.

For the fourth time in nine minutes, he opened up his wallet and looked inside, practically seeing the cobwebs begin to appear in the barren slit. He sighed heavily as he looked at his laptop screen. He was in the school library doing research for one of his many term papers and yet, he couldn’t concentrate because his wallet was lighter than usual. He began typing furiously, checking his bank account.

The ‘zero’ glared back at Sungmin and he barely resisted the urge to knock his forehead on the tabletop. It was only the middle of the semester and somehow – somehow – he had spent all of his funds that were supposed to last him for the entire semester.

Crossing his arms on the table, he buried his face into the circle of his arms. Idly, he blamed midterms. No, no… he blamed third year. They were worked so hard in third year that he had probably drank forty-eight cups of coffee a day.

That’s right, Sungmin… you drank two cups of coffee every hour, his mind mocked him, As if that’s biologically possible. You’d either become a caffeine addict going into withdrawal underneath this table, or your heart would have burst weeks ago because of the elevated blood pressure caused by the caffeine which acts as a –

Sungmin groaned softly, even his mind wasn’t giving him a break. Raising his head enough to lean his chin on a forearm, he reached for his laptop with his other hand. He opened up his email and a new composition. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before typing a message to his mother. His mother loved him, spoiled him… surely she would send him some more money to cover the next two months until he returned home for the summer break.

Hey Mom,

It seems I’ve spent all my funds for this semester. Is there anyway you can send me some more money to cover the next two months?

Love always,
Sungmin

He sighed heavily as he clicked send. Absentmindedly, his hand moved from the keyboard to his open textbook and he began to flip the pages, despite being unable to read what was actually on each page since his head was still resting upon his forearm. He had flipped approximately thirteen and a half pages (after all, he was holding a page in mid-air between flips) when he noticed a new email on his laptop. He dropped the page and sat up in his chair, opening the new message.

Thank God! It’s from Mom! I wonder how much –

No.

Love,
Mom

Sungmin stared at the screen. He blinked, rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm and then reread the message. However, he knew it was impossible for three words to change, regardless of how much he wanted them to. He reread the message just in case he was suffering from selective blindness (‘There’s no such thing, stupid!’) and only seeing part of the message. However, there were only three words. Again.

‘ “Love, Mom”? Ha! That’s not love! If she loved me, she would’ve sent me money!’

“That’s not very fair,” Sungmin scolded bitterly,

“I’m sorry?”

Sungmin blinked and looked around. Just a few feet away, standing in an aisle of books, was another young man. He was holding a book in his hand while his arm held another two books,

“I didn’t know there was a limit of how many books I can take,” the other said confusedly,

“Oh, no, no,” Sungmin could feel his cheeks heating up, “I was just talking to myself.” Immediately, he felt his cheeks inflame even more. Talking to himself? Damn, maybe he was going crazy. He never used to argue with himself… aloud, anyway.

The other man tilted his head slightly before he laughed heartily, “You’re talking to yourself in your head again, aren’t you?”

Sungmin knew he could not – COULD NOT – get any redder, so he simply nodded guiltily. Sungmin opened his mouth to explain when his cellular phone rang. He glanced apologetically to the stranger as he picked it up, “Hello? Dad! I was just about to – eh? What do you mean no? I didn’t even say anything… Oh… Mom called you. But Dad~ ah! I am being responsible! Gah! Dad~!”

A moment later, Sungmin hung up his phone and let his head drop to the desk, his forehead making solid contact with the wooden surface. When he murmured an ‘ouch’, he realized he heard a sad attempt at hiding laughter. He turned his head so his cheek lay on the table, his fox-like eyes narrowing at the stranger,

“Are you laughing at me?” He scowled,

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just that you were so cute when you were on the phone,” he laughed. When Sungmin continued to scowl, he sobered up slowly.

“Well… I am cute, so I’ll forgive you,” Sungmin murmured as he turned his head so his forehead was against the table again, “But still, not nice to laugh at a stranger.”

“Okay then, so what’s your name?” The stranger asked,

Sungmin sat up and looked at him, “What’s your name?”

“Shin Donghee… but everyone just calls me Shindong,” He said as he approached the table, holding out a hand.

Sungmin tentatively shook it, “Lee Sungmin.”

“Sungmin? I’ve heard that name before,” Shindong murmured as he put down his books on the table, the weight fatiguing his limb,

‘Because I’m the only ‘Sungmin’ in the world,’ he thought cynically,

“That’s not a very nice thought,” he murmured, causing Shindong to look at him quizzically, “Sorry… apparently my inner-self is mean. Very… dry and… cynical?”

Shindong laughed, “I have a friend who talks like that. Oh! That’s where I heard your name! Do you know Kim Yesung?”

Sungmin nodded, “Yeah, used to work with him at the billiards club.” Sungmin paused a moment before stating, “You know… the voice in my head does talk like Yesung. Dear God, I have an inner-Yesung!”

Shindong shuddered visibly, “Scary.”

Sungmin laughed melodically, “Knowing Yesung is scary enough. Having him play around in my head all the time is just petrifying.” He shook his head for a moment then looked at Shindong, “How do you know, Yesung?”

“Ah, I go play billiards from time to time,” Shindong shrugged, “And he tutors me math whenever he gets a chance.”

Sungmin’s ears perked up at the word ‘tutor’. He leaned forward, “What program are you in? Not math if you’re getting tutored in it.”

Shindong shook his head, “No way – me? In math? I’m in the culinary program, but for some reason or another, I have to take at least one mathematics course to get my degree.” The older man scowled, “Although the math in cooking is simple addition and whatnot… not all this integer and derivative junk.”

“How did you do during midterms? If you don’t mind me asking,” Sungmin inquired,

Shindong shrugged, “I passed… I guess. Yesung usually only gets time once a week to help me out, so it means I’m on my own the rest of the time.”

“What if I knew someone who would be willing to tutor you whenever you wanted?” Sungmin asked,

“For the right price… I’d say give me their name,” Shindong stated, “Yesung will be even busier when final examinations come and I know he wouldn’t be able to help me out at all. I wouldn’t need help everyday, just maybe… twice a week? After my mathematics class, just so I understand what happened in class and I can apply it to the problems.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Sungmin nodded, mentally calculating how much money that would be each week.

“Great, who is it?” Shindong grinned,

“Me.”

…

Tutoring, to Sungmin, was easier than he thought it would be. For two hours every Tuesday and Thursday, he met Shindong in the library and they would go over what Shindong learned in that day’s class. Shindong was smart, Sungmin learned. He had problems with math not because he was stupid, but because it took him a little longer to understand the concepts. He just needed more one-on-one teaching to fully grasp what each equation did and why anyone would need it.

Fortunately, he actually liked hanging out with Shindong. The older man was funny and made him laugh so easily. At the same time, when they were studying, Shindong was serious, paying attention to him wholeheartedly. Sungmin liked that, the way Shindong stared at him directly when he was talking, the way Shindong sat completely still when he explained something, as if all of his concentration, all of his thoughts were focused on him.

“I can’t believe I finally understand what that professor was teaching,” Shindong sighed as he pushed away from the table, rubbing the back of his neck wearily, “I really do appreciate all of this help.”

“No problem,” Sungmin insisted as he helped Shindong pack up his textbook and belongings. It had been a two weeks since he first began helping Shindong. Slowly, his wallet was being filled with bills once more and, this time, he was saving them.

Shindong pulled out his wallet, opened it and paused, “Oh shit, I forgot to withdraw money this morning.” Shindong slipped his wallet back into his pocket, “Okay, do you have time to come with me to an ATM? There should be one by the billiards club.”

Sungmin nodded, “I only have a night class today.”

“Great, sorry about this,” Shindong apologized, slinging his bag onto his back, “I usually remember but I woke up late this morning and was rushing… I guess I just forgot when I was on my way here.”

“You don’t live at residence?” Sungmin asked, eyebrows raised.

Shindong shook his head, “I live quite near, so I just walk over. When I found out this school had a culinary program, it was like a sign from above. I mean, how lucky is it that I live right by a school with the program I want? Saved me a lot of trouble and money, I’ll tell you.”

Sungmin nodded as they left the library.

‘If I think about it… I don’t know that much about Shindong,’ Sungmin thought as they walked across campus towards the main entrance, ‘I spend four hours a week with him at school and I never even knew he lived off-campus.’

When he looked at Shindong, he was startled to find the other man staring at him, a grin on his face, “What?”

“You were talking in your head again, weren’t you?” Shindong laughed,

Sungmin’s face pinked immediately as he muttered, “Maybe.”

‘It’s not like I’m the first person to think to myself, right?’ Sungmin thought, ‘He’s probably thinking to himself right now even though he just laughed at me… but he doesn’t argue with himself… I don’t argue with himself… damn it, I just argued with myself, didn’t I?’

“So you’re in culinary, right?” Sungmin asked suddenly wanting to change the subject. At Shindong’s nod, he prompted, “I guess that means you want to be a cook, huh?”

“A baker, a pâtisier… maybe a chocolatier,” Shindong listed, “Baking, desserts – those are my passion. Although last month I tested myself with cooking chocolates and that proved successful.” Shindong paused a moment, presumably thinking about all the things he would create in the future. Then, as they walked out of the campus’ main entrance, he glanced at the younger man, “What about you? You’re in science, what are you going to do with your degree?”

“Doctor,” Sungmin answered swiftly, immediately, as if it was a reaction rather than an answer. Without looking at Shindong, he explained, “Since I entered high school, all I heard from my parents was med school, med school, med school.” After a moment, he shrugged, “I’m good at the sciences, so them pushing me to med school isn’t such a bother as it must be with other kids.”

They walked in silence for about a block before Shindong spoke up, “Okay, new question. Before high school, what did you dream to be?”

Sungmin blinked in silence, staring at the sidewalk before them. He was silent for a long while, trying to remember what his childish aspirations had been before his parents began showing him medical school brochures. After a moment, he said honestly, “I don’t remember. I don’t think I ever wanted to be anything when I was a kid.”

“Nothing? Nothing at all?” Shindong prompted, but Sungmin merely shook his head.

He saw the drop in expression on his companion’s face and rushed to say, “Don’t feel sorry for me! I can’t miss anything I can’t remember! Really, it’s fine.”

Shindong’s face scrunched up in thought as they neared the billiards club, “It’s just… sad. Kids are supposed to dream, supposed to hope. Life is about reaching those dreams, of keeping that hope alive.”

Sungmin laughed lightly, “That’s a pretty sunny world you live in Shindong, but I hate to break it to you, the way the world’s changing, holding on to dreams as children is going to get harder and harder for the younger generations.”

“I shudder to think of the world my kid will grow up in,” Shindong sighed as they reached the ATM vestibule right next to the billiards club.

“It won’t be so bad,” Sungmin insisted, suddenly wanting very much to lighten his mood, to make the other man smile and happy again, “There’ll be other things to look forward to.”

Shindong merely nodded as he entered the vestibule to withdraw money. Sungmin leaned his back against the glass walls of the front of the vestibule and sighed heavily. He was speaking what he honestly thought, he didn’t mean to make the other so… sad. He felt a twinge at guilt, remembering the way Shindong’s expression had changed so suddenly, became so shadowed and worried. It was as if he had taken Shindong’s hope, crushed what dreams he still clung on to. He had done that and, suddenly, he very much wanted to reverse it.

When Shindong came out of the vestibule, he had his cellular phone sandwiched between his ear and left shoulder, “Yes, yes… I’ll be there soon. Hold on a second,” he momentarily lowered the phone as he counted out the bills and handed half of it to Sungmin, “Here’s your pay for today. Sorry about making you come with me.”

“Uh, no problem,” Sungmin replied as he tucked the bills into his wallet, mentally calculating how much his savings had just increased, “Is there a problem?”

“Eh?” Shindong looked at him confusedly. Sungmin gestured to the phone but Shindong shook his head, “No, no. I’ll see you next Tuesday?”

Sungmin had barely nodded before Shindong turned and left, holding his phone to his ear as he ran down the block towards the campus. Sungmin watched Shindong until he turned a corner and disappeared completely from sight. Confused, he walked the few steps to the billiards club and tried the door. The first door opened, but the second door was locked. Cupping his hands on the glass, he peered in, catching sight of a shadow moving within. Tentatively, Sungmin raised a fist and knocked on the door.

Kyuhyun appeared at the door and let him in immediately. After locking the door again, Sungmin followed him back to one of the tables where balls were scattered on top. Kyuhyun picked up his cue and paced the tables, his eyes on the coloured balls.

“Um… Kyuhyun, what are you doing here?” Sungmin asked hesitantly, ‘Playing pool, obviously… Oh, shut up will you, Yesung? Oh no… don’t tell me I really do have Yesung in my head… Ugh, stop talking to yourself, Kyuhyun’s talking to you!’ Sungmin subtly shook his head, “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said that I have a competition next week so Yesung gave me the keys so I could practice when I don’t have classes,” Kyuhyun said as he leaned over, aimed his cue and hot a ball.

It hit a coloured ball, causing the ball to bounce off two walls, slip behind a ball with a blue stripe and sink perfectly into the corner pocket behind the striped ball. He straightened and glanced at Sungmin who was still staring with awe-filled eyes where the coloured ball had sank,

“Um… what are you doing here?” Kyuhyun countered bluntly, “You know the billiards club isn’t open until five.”

“Sometimes Yesung would cut class to come here to study,” Sungmin shrugged, “When I saw someone in here, I thought it was him.”

Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, “Yesung cuts class? And he made me promise only to come practice when I don’t have class?” He walked around the table before leaning over once more and aiming. He muttered, “Hypocrite.”

Sungmin watched as Kyuhyun sunk three more balls perfectly in the most difficult positions without disturbing any of the other balls. After a moment, Kyuhyun straightened, cocked his head as he considered his next move,

“Oh, I think I met a friend of yours,” Kyuhyun stated without moving his gaze from the green-felt table,

“Oh?”

“Well, considering there was a picture of you two on the cover of his binder, I’m pretty sure I’m right,” Kyuhyun said dryly, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

‘Sometimes I want to strangle that smirk from his face… I could do it, no one’s around! Yesung, shut up! Wait… the voice in my head can’t be Yesung…’ Sungmin glanced at Kyuhyun who looked up at him during the silence, “He wouldn’t want to strangle him.”

“Who wouldn’t want to strangle who?” Kyuhyun blinked at him confusedly,

Sungmin blushed at having been heard. Sometimes thinking to himself made him forget to not actually speak aloud. “Nothing,” he muttered, rushing to change the subject back, “So who’s this friend of – wait… you said there was a picture of us on the cover of his binder?”

Kyuhyun nodded, still watching him oddly.

“Ryeowook, right?” Sungmin chuckled, “Man, I can’t believe he still does that. I bet I even know what picture it is.”

“Glad I was right. Who is he?” Kyuhyun asked baldly,

“A friend of mine from my hometown. We’ve been neighbours for as long as I can remember,” Sungmin shook his head as images of his old friend flashed in his mind, “Weird that he’s here though, his school’s across the country.”

“Oh, he even told me that,” Kyuhyun said. He glanced at Sungmin, “He talks a lot,” he said at the same time Sungmin expressed the same sentiment. Smiling slightly, Kyuhyun eyed the pool table once more, “Anyway, he said that he transferred schools. But the process took so long that he wasn’t able to get here until after midterms. It’ll be hard for him to catch up, especially if he’s in the science program.”

Sungmin blinked, “Really? Ryeowook hated science. Even before I graduated before him, he hated science.”

Kyuhyun shrugged, “Well, he’s here now and taking science.” He aimed a shot.

Sungmin watched as Kyuhyun shot more balls, sinking them into pockets as if it were the easiest thing in the world. His thoughts flashed to his childhood friend. He was older than Ryeowook and had always looked out for him when they were kids. Now, Ryeowook was at SJ University and in a program Sungmin never thought he would be in. Why? Tentatively, he wondered if perhaps Ryeowook had been pressured into the same situation he had been living since high school.

Slowly, his thoughts drifted back to Shindong. He had spoken about his future with such liveliness, such passion that Sungmin could see it happening for Shindong. He could see the other man graduating and owning his own store, baking and creating delicious treats. Shindong knew what he wanted and was passionate about it.

Sungmin felt a twinge of envy.

He knew what he wanted, but was he passionate about it? Could he see himself being a doctor? Most certainly. He had been aiming for the profession since his first year in high school. He had been researching schools and medical schools since he was fifteen – he knew he could be a doctor. He thought of the prospect and he felt… well, he felt happy at the thought of helping people, truly he did but…

‘What if that isn’t enough? What if I want to help people in a different way?’ Sungmin sighed heavily as his eyes absent-mindedly followed the white ball around the table as his thoughts followed their own path. “Damn, what if Yesung is right.”

Kyuhyun straightened, “What if Yesung is right about what?”

Sungmin blinked. Feeling the heat creeping up his neck he shook his head, smiling sheepishly, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I… I have to go. Bye, Kyuhyun!”

With that, Sungmin turned and left, practically collapsing against the door once he was outside again. He really needed to stop talking to himself.

…

The next Tuesday when Sungmin usually would be heading to the library to meet Shindong, he was, instead, heading off campus and going to Shindong’s house. The other man had called him that morning and said something had come up and he wasn’t able to leave his house and if it was at all possible for Sungmin to tutor him there. Sungmin agreed and so, he left the campus with his eyes darting between the houses and the scrap piece of paper in his hand where he had scribbled down Shindong’s address.

House after house passed as Sungmin continued to walk and, belatedly, he wondered if he had taken a wrong turn earlier. However, just before he was about to turn back and retrace his steps, he came across the house he was looking for. He double checked, triple checked – okay, he even quadruple checked – the address before walking up the little stone path from the sidewalk to the front door. Tentatively, he rang the doorbell.

He was beginning to wonder if he had written the address wrong when the door open and Shindong appeared, a wide smile on his face, “Sungmin! I’m glad you made it.”

“I almost didn’t,” Sungmin admitted, “I kept thinking I was getting lost.”

“That’s how I feel every time I go home. If I feel I’m getting lost, then I’m going in the right direction,” Shindong laughed as he closed the door behind Sungmin, leading him towards a small dinning room, “We can study in here.”

Sungmin followed him, his eyes taking in everything. The house wasn’t big, but it still had a second floor – perhaps even a basement – and everything was neat and clean. As he entered the dinning room and sat in one of the cushioned, mahogany chairs, he dropped his bag to the ground and looked around.

Shindong laughed knowing, “As if I could afford this place. This is my parents’ house, but they’re off on vacation until June.”

Sungmin nodded as if that was what he had thought from the very beginning. Before he could dwell more on it – or his inner Yesung could also – Shindong pulled out his text books and laid them open on the table, “I missed class – obviously – so I just started reading the next chapter.”

Sungmin nodded and slowly, they began the next lesson.

They were well into the chapter, Shindong stopping to try one of the questions on his own, when Sungmin spotted something in the doorway. He blinked and it blinked back. Slowly, he raised a hand and prodded Shindong’s arm.

“Hmm?”

“There’s a kid in the doorway,” Sungmin stated,

Shindong put down his pencil and turned in his chair, “Shinwoo, what are you doing out of bed?”

Immediately the little boy – who could be no older than four – dressed in blue-striped, flannel pyjamas, walked to Shindong’s side, instinctively grabbing one of his hands, “Cold.”

Shindong easily pulled the boy onto his lap. With one arm wrapped around him, the other moved so his hand lay over his forehead, “You’re still hot as chilli paste,”

“Silly,” Shinwoo murmured before falling victim to a fit of coughs. When his little body stilled, he leaned against Shindong’s body, “Can I sleep here for a bit?”

Shindong glanced at Sungmin, his books and then back at the little boy, “Yeah, sure.” He watched as Shinwoo closed his eyes, his face flushed red. Slowly, slowly, his breath evened out and he knew the boy slept. He looked up at Sungmin apologetically, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, don’t be,” Sungmin insisted,

“He’s the reason why I couldn’t meet you at the library,” Shindong explained, “He woke up with a fever and I didn’t want to leave. Usually he has a nanny, but when he’s sick I don’t like leaving him. Besides, his mom would kill me if I did.”

“His mom?” Sungmin raised an eyebrow at the peculiar wording.

“My ex-girlfriend,” Shindong explained, “We’ve been apart for years, but when I found out she was pregnant, well…” he shrugged, “We were always better as friends than as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“So Shinwoo…”

“Takes after me, doesn’t he?” Shindong grinned as he watched the boy’s sleeping face, “He’s my number one critic, you know? Whenever I cook something if he doesn’t like it, then I know it’s not good.”

Sungmin nodded his understanding even though Shindong wasn’t look at him.

‘He cares so much about his son… that’s why he got so down when I mentioned the future – he obviously wants the most and best for Shinwoo. Really? You’re just understanding that now?’

Sungmin’s eyes swept over the little boy’s face, seeing small resemblances before his eyes slowly rose to Shindong’s. The other man’s face showed affection, simple pride as he watched his son sleep. The small furrow between his brows showed that beneath his love and easy manner, Shindong was worried about his son’s health.

‘I’ve seen so many different sides of Shindong, but this side is really… really… I could fall for him. You mean you haven’t yet?’

Before he realized it, Sungmin was saying his name, “Shindong, I…”

Shindong looked up at him, “Yes?”

Sungmin blinked, suddenly realizing what he was about to say. ‘Yeah, real smooth, Sungmin.’ He subtly shook his head as he forced his lips into a smile, “Nothing, I just thought maybe we should cut the session for now? I’ll see you again on Thursday, okay?”

“Are you sure? Shinwoo’s asleep, I can bring him back to his room,” Shindong said,

Sungmin shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, just take care of your kid.”

“Oh – your money,” Shindong said, helpless to move with Shinwoo in his arms,

“I’ll get it from you next time, okay?” Sungmin stood from the chair, picking up his bag.

Shindong looked uncertain but nodded anyway. He gingerly stood up, adjusting his son in his arms so he could carry him easier, “Can you let yourself out? I’m going to bring him back to his room.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you later,” Sungmin watched as Shindong went up the stairs and then turned and left.

He closed the door firmly behind him and began walking down the path to the sidewalk. As he did so, a car pulled into the driveway and a young woman stepped out. She glanced curiously at Sungmin before shaking her head as if clearing her thoughts and then dashed into the house, surprised to find the door unlocked. Sungmin was sure she probably looked at him again, wondering about the unlocked door, but he had already turned onto the sidewalk and refused to look back.

She had looked beautiful.

…

Sungmin didn’t see Shindong again until the following Tuesday. Shindong had phoned him Thursday morning and had explained that Shinwoo was still sick. Before Sungmin could even offer to cancel the lesson for the day, Shindong expressed his regret that they couldn’t meet up that day. When Sungmin got off the phone with the other man, he felt regret for not getting to see him, too. However, Sungmin wondered if his regret meant something different from the other’s.

On Tuesday, Shindong met him at the library as usual. When they found an empty table and sat down, Sungmin watched Shindong get his things out of his backpack before asking,

“How’s Shinwoo doing?”

“Great,” Shindong said happily, dropping his bag to the floor when he was done and sitting in his chair. He handed a few bills to Sungmin for the previous Tuesday; “His temperature didn’t budge, but Thursday night it finally started going down. By Saturday night he was right as rain.”

“That’s good to hear,” Sungmin smiled, the glow on Shindong’s face causing a warmth to spread in his body, beginning in a place just left of his breastbone. “Shindong, there’s something I wanted to say. I’ve always thought that feelings should be expressed, because they do no good when they’re bottled in. And, I don’t expect anything, I just wanted – needed – to say this. You see, I –”

Sungmin was interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. Sheepishly, Shindong pulled out his cellular phone and answered it quickly,

“Hello? Yeah, he was fine when I left him this morning… Yes, I checked his temperature before I left… 36-degrees. Of course his nanny is with him – what, you think I’d leave him alone? You need to learn to trust me if we’re ever going to make this work again,” Shindong paused and sighed heavily, “I know… I know… I know, I was scared too, but his temperature’s down, has been down since Saturday and he was even playing normally last night. Okay. Yeah, I’ll see you tonight. Bye.”

Sungmin had listened – it was difficult to not listen to a conversation happening in front of him – but his ears had perked up, had focused on one part of Shindong’s words.

You need to learn to trust me if we’re ever going to make this work again.

Make this work again.

When Shindong put away his phone and began apologizing, all Sungmin was able to say was, “Are you getting back together with your ex?”

Shindong blinked, startled at the question before nodding and smiling, “Yeah. Shinwoo’s fever really shook us, especially when it didn’t go down. She stayed at the house and we talked every day. At one point, we even broached the subject of us. We want to try to make it work. Shinwoo doesn’t deserve to be tugged here and there.”

“But… but what if it’s better for you and your ex to stay apart?” Sungmin asked, ignoring the guilty twinge in his conscience,

“We won’t know if we don’t try,” Shindong shrugged, “It’s not like we had a bad break-up or anything, or as if we fought all the time. We broke up because she was moving away and going to a different school. In truth, we’ve been pulling together for years. When she told me she was pregnant, I used to drive to see her once a week, even though it was eight hours back and forth.”

Sungmin couldn’t ignore the peculiar light that entered Shindong’s eyes when he spoke about his past with his ex-girlfriend. It was warm and comforting, akin to the way he looked at his son, but different. Sungmin couldn’t ignore the wave of jealousy that clenched his heart as he desperately wondered what it was like to be looked at with such eyes, to be talked about with such an expression.

“Oh, what did you want to tell me?” Shindong asked suddenly,

Sungmin blinked, suddenly pulled back to the present, ruthlessly reminded of what he was about to say. Subtly shaking his head, silently scolding himself for the stupid act he could have made. He managed a smile and managed to make it look relaxed, easy.

“I think you’re really grasping math. I’m hardly helping you these days,” Sungmin stated.

His words weren’t lies, but they weren’t the words he had wanted to say. Shindong smiled at him and he knew he had done the right thing. He had already talked down Shindong’s belief of childhood dreams and hopes. He couldn’t attempt to destroy Shindong’s prospects for a happy future, too.

When they left the library later that day, Sungmin watched as Shindong headed straight for the main entrance. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bills Shindong had given him. Pulling out his wallet, he slipped the bills in. Slowly, his eyes went returned to Shindong’s retreating back.

‘He has a family… I can’t say anything to jeopardize that.’ He slipped his wallet into his pocket, ‘This has to be enough.’

He turned and walked towards the residence buildings, belatedly wondering if he was still thinking of money or something else, something more.

‘But what if I’m tired of “just enough”?’



(Coming soon, Episode Three)