words: 1305
rate: PG13
(Final Day of the Fanfiction series.)
It was the last day.
30 days in total.
The challenge was completed.
What started as a hot-headed challenge thrown to the other fourteen members of Super Junior and Super Junior-M had turned into a fanfiction frenzy. Indeed, some had read more the past month than in their entire lives. What started as a seemingly harmless challenge had turned into something that had affected all of their lives; some for the good, some for the bad.
Mostly for the bad.
The members were all crammed into the dorm in which Heechul lived. Some were sitting on couches, the others on chairs by the dining table, a pair by the computer and, others still, sprawled on the ground since all other sitting areas had been occupied. Even with all the members present, Yesung still had the audacity to bring along one of his turtles. Granted, it took up no sitting space as it was happily kept on his head. The members did not question this.
“I can’t believe we actually finished the damn challenge,” Hankyung muttered from his place on the ground. Heechul sat behind him on a couch, absent-mindedly braiding the Chinaman’s hair,
“I can’t believe we actually have to call him ‘hyung’,” Eeteuk sighed from his seat at the dining table, “No one even calls me ‘umma’. Even Hongki hasn’t called me ‘umma’ for the past two days.”
“He’s hardly going to randomly call you up just to call you ‘umma’,” Kangin rolled his eyes,
“I, for one, am mightily grateful the challenge is over,” Shiwon added, “I can’t believe I questioned my faith for a bit just because fanfictions portrayed me as some bible pusher.”
“I can’t believe you’re still carrying that teddy bear,” Henry murmured as he laid on the ground, his fingers laced beneath his head,
“Now, I told you that Heechul is having a t-shirt made for you,” Yesung gently scolded the turtle he had retrieved from his head, “Patience, little one, patience!”
“Is it just me, or does he just get weirder and weirder?” Zhou Mi inquired, sitting across the table from Yesung, staring in pure befuddlement.
“I agree, I think he should have chosen a ‘Team Hankyung’ shirt instead,” Ryeowook said innocently, oblivious to what the other member had meant,
“They spend too much time together,” Eunhyuk said to the other members, sitting on one of the couches,
“Do you know who spend too much time together? You and Donghae,” Kibum stated aloud from his seat beside Kyuhyun as they sat before the computer together,
“Just spend more time with us and that won’t have to happen,” Donghae suggested lightly. He sat on the end of the couch closest to the computer and was able to reach out and gently pat Kibum on the back.
Shindong, who sat at the end of the dining table which faced the entire room, looked up from his laptop, “You know what I noticed? Sungmin is the only member who didn’t once complain to Heechul.”
“I have nothing against fanfiction,” Sungmin shrugged, sitting adjacent to him, “You all had complaints and, some of them did touch on me,” he ignored the sudden narrowed gaze from Zhou Mi, “However, I still have nothing against the stories, even after this past month. I enjoy reading them now, if anything…”
“How did you even notice that?” Kibum inquired, twisting in his seat to look across the room at Shindong, “I certainly would never have noticed that about Sungmin had you never said anything.”
Shindong shrugged as he looked back at his laptop.
“It’s because he’s been writing about us!” Kyuhyun exclaimed.
“What!?” The other members exclaimed as Yesung said excitedly to his turtle, “Yes, little one, a plot twist!”
Kyuhyun, eyes still glued to the computer screen, explained, “I found Shindong’s website… all his stories for the past month have been about us!” He murmured as he quickly scanned a page, “The Great Fanfiction Challenge… he’s been writing about this stupid challenge!”
Thirteen pairs of eyes glanced towards Shindong.
He, in turn, glanced towards the only member who wasn’t looking at him; “Heechul… seems like we’ve been caught.”
“You had to drag me in, didn’t you?” Heechul scoffed, “You were caught, I was not.”
The other members swung their astonished gazes to the person responsible for the challenge.
Heechul leaned back in the couch and sighed heavily, folding his arms loosely about his torso; “Well, I’m pretty sure everything you’re all thinking right now is close to the truth, if not dead on. Shindong came to me at the end of last month and was bemoaning the fact that he hit a writer’s block. His stories are actually quite popular amongst the fandom, so, after not updating for a few months, he was starting to feel… desperate.”
“Hardly desperate, but I was in search of new inspiration,” Shindong said, taking up the story from where the older man left off; “So, Heechul suggested what if we created our own inspiration. He would sow some seeds and I would reap the situations for my stories.”
When the members’ gazes slowly narrowed at him (with the exception of Sungmin who had already explained he had nothing against fanfiction and Yesung who was quickly explaining the situation to his turtle), Shindong leaned back in his chair and sighed, “It’s a very popular series, if it makes any of you feel better.”
“It looks like the most popular ones is… Mother Eeteuk and… um… nothing…” Kyuhyun trailed off as he suddenly tried to cover the screen from Kibum’s eyes,
“EUNHAE!?” He exclaimed, jumping to his feet,
“At least Kyumin isn’t one of the popular stories,” Zhou Mi stated, having walked over to the computer and looking over the list on the site,
“Too bad it’s one of the most popular in the fandom,” Donghae murmured, earning a scowl from Kyuhyun,
“I don’t make the pairings, I just write about them,” Shindong defended innocently as he returned his attention back to his laptop,
“That’s not true, you admitted to making the pairings yourself,” Eunhyuk accused, “You admitted it to me and Donghae!”
“Oh, what a surprise, Donghae and Eunhyuk, together again,” Kibum exclaimed monotonously (apparently that was only possible for Kibum to do) as he glared down at his boyfriend,
“Well, at least the fandom is recognizing me as your mother,” Eeteuk cried, “At least someone is!”
“Teukie… you originally hated being the mother of Super Junior,” Kangin murmured,
“Well, a man’s got to be a man!” Eeteuk defended, “And now we all have to call Heechul ‘hyung’!”
“Oh Buddha,” Siwon sighed as he picked up the television remote in an attempt to drown out the sudden ensuing arguments amongst the members,
“Weren’t you going back to God?” Henry asked as he shifted his place on the ground so as better to see the television screen,
“Some Buddhists would argue it’s a lifestyle rather than a religion,” Ryeowook commented knowingly,
“My turtles all practice Buddhism, but they attend church on Sundays also,” Yesung said proudly,
“Heechul, what did you do to my hair?” Hankyung asked as his fingers felt the braided locks, “I’m half-wondering if most of your complaints were false,” he muttered as he tried to undo the braids,
“Hmm… some were, some weren’t,” Heechul shrugged as he slipped over the armrest of the couch and walked over to Shindong, “What are you writing now?” He asked quietly,
“Why, this entire confrontation of course,” Shindong answered easily, “This entire conversation is pure gold to a writer.”
“It has been amusing this past month watching them,” Heechul agreed,
“Write more Kyumin stories,” Sungmin prodded, leaning over to look at Shindong’s screen, “Then, send the links to Zhou Mi,” he grinned, “Kyuhyun is going to suffer!”
“Bloodthirsty bunny,” Heechul glanced at Sungmin,
“That would make an interesting plot,” Shindong said in a considering tone,
The three members glanced before them as the members continued arguing with one another.
“All of this because of fanfiction,” Sungmin chuckled softly,
“All of this because of Heechul,” Shindong corrected,
The member in question shrugged simply as he smirked smugly, “You can’t make this stuff up.”
Fin.
Showing posts with label MEMBER: OT13. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MEMBER: OT13. Show all posts
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Monday, August 30, 2010
[00SJ23] The Best Man for the Job
words: 1001
rate: PG13
(Day 23 of the Fanfiction series.)
It was the twenty-third day of the challenge, just eight more days until the damn thing was over and done with and the other fourteen members could treat it as a horrible memory. Since it was already so close to the end and it seemed futile to fight against the inevitable, they all suddenly became more passionate in their endeavours to find arguments against fanfiction.
It was on this day that a complaint was made against Eeteuk’s portrayal in fanfiction. Not by Eeteuk, himself, but by other members.
“Okay, now I know that fanfiction authors are half crazy!” Eunhyuk exclaimed as he and the other members were sitting around the dance studio preparing for a group performance.
“Are you allowed to make another complaint? You made one a few days ago… that’s being a bit selfish, isn’t it?” Shiwon inquired lightly,
“I recall you doing the same thing at the beginning of the month,” Kyuhyun commented lightly as he sat at Zhou Mi’s feet, gaining a hard stare from his hyung.
“But this isn’t just my complaint, it’s one that all of you will agree to,” Eunhyuk insisted as he sat on the window’s ledge, sweeping his gaze amongst the other members who were now looking at him expectantly. “I keep seeing the same thing over and over again, about how Eeteuk is such a good leader.”
“HEY!” Eeteuk exclaimed as all the members burst on in agreement. He lunged towards Eunhyuk, but Kangin slipped an arm around his waist, effectively imprisoning him, “Let go of me! I need to teach this monkey a lesson!”
“He has a point,” Shindong commented lightly, “They do write him to be a saint in stories. I should know, I’ve done it once or twice.”
“Traitor! I’ll find your external hard drive and destroy it!” Eeteuk yelled as he tried to push against Kangin’s hold.
“Is that why Hankyung is the leader for SJ-M?” Ryeowook asked innocently from his seat on the wooden floor beside Yesung.
“I’ll never see you as the cute eternal maknae!” Eeteuk stated angrily as Yesung immediately clasped a hand over Ryeowook’s mouth.
“And why he looked so ridiculous during Don’t Don promotions,” Heechul added,
“I never should have let you start this damn challenge!” Eeteuk growled as he wriggled and twisted, but Kangin’s arm was like a steel band.
“He hogged the spotlight so much during EHB,” Sungmin mildly commented,
“Sungmin! Not you, too!” Eeteuk cried out,
“He’s always trying to get in on our dance routines,” Donghae pondered aloud,
“You’re conspiring with that damn monkey, aren’t you!?” Eeteuk questioned, “You better sleep with one eye open tonight!”
“And he’s always acting like he’s better than the rest of us,” Eunhyuk added. Immediately a chorus rang up from the other members in agreement.
Eeteuk turned desperate eyes towards Zhou Mi and Henry, “You two don’t believe all of their accusations, do you? You both know better than to follow these traitors, right?”
Henry and Zhou Mi glanced at each other from across the room, silently communication with one another. Kyuhyun looked between the two before speaking up, “It’s not Eeteuk’s fault that he ships KyuMin and that he secretly hates Henry’s violin playing.”
“Kyuhyun, why you little –”
“Don’t worry Teukie-hyung, I still like you and I think you’re an amazing leader,” Kyuhyun beamed up at the leader.
“I… was I just complimented?” Eeteuk stopped struggling and looked over his shoulder at Kangin, “By… by Kyuhyun?”
“I would take compliments when you get them. Especially since it seems our children are staging a coup,” Kangin stated dryly,
“Oh, Kangin! You’re acknowledging our children!” Eeteuk turned in his arm and hugged him tightly, “Now Hyukjae won’t have a broken home and will stop trying to break up perfectly happy families!”
“I… was kidding,” Kangin murmured,
“Kangin is finally acknowledging our children, I must be doing something right! You’re all just acting out because he wasn’t being a proper parent, right? Well, that’s not how it’ll be from now on!” Eeteuk insisted as he faced the other members who were watching him with amused expressions, “Don’t worry, I will continue to be the perfect leader I’ve always been!”
Eeteuk began to walk towards the studio’s door, lightly humming a happy tune when Kyuhyun called out to him. Eeteuk turned and looked back at the younger man, “Yes my son?”
Kyuhyun blinked a moment before asking in mock-innocence, “Hyung, just to prove you’re a better leader than they think I just want to ask you a question. Where’s Kibummie?”
“Why, filming of course!” Eeteuk smiled at him, his tone and expression and posture complete confidence.
Kyuhyun smiled back at his hyung brightly before his dark eyes took on a mischievous glint and his smile became more of a smirk, “He’s in the bathroom.”
“He… he is? He… I thought…” Eeteuk stared at Kangin helplessly, “I didn’t even know where my Kibummie actually is? What kind of leader am I?”
“Mother,” Kyuhyun whispered from his seat at Zhou Mi’s feet, “What kind of mo~th~er are you?”
Eeteuk’s jaw dropped, eyes widened, “NO!” He cried, falling to his knees on the floor.
Kangin sighed heavily as he shot the snarky member a glare. He knelt beside Eeteuk and wrapped his arms around the leader, whispering comforting words as the leader began to bemoan being a horrible mother because he had no idea his lovely, talented Kibummie was with them that day.
When Kibum strode into the dance studio, Eeteuk crawled over to him on his knees, hugging his legs, “Kibum, I’m a good mother right? Right? I’m a good mother, say I’m a good mother, Kibum!”
Kibum stared at the leader. He looked up at the other members who were having a very difficult time holding in their laughter. Finally, he looked down at the leader, locking gazes, “Of course you are… but… you’re not my mother.”
For the rest of the dance practice, Eeteuk sat in the corner crying over the phone to Jaejoong.
(Day 24: Love Quindecagon)
rate: PG13
(Day 23 of the Fanfiction series.)
It was the twenty-third day of the challenge, just eight more days until the damn thing was over and done with and the other fourteen members could treat it as a horrible memory. Since it was already so close to the end and it seemed futile to fight against the inevitable, they all suddenly became more passionate in their endeavours to find arguments against fanfiction.
It was on this day that a complaint was made against Eeteuk’s portrayal in fanfiction. Not by Eeteuk, himself, but by other members.
“Okay, now I know that fanfiction authors are half crazy!” Eunhyuk exclaimed as he and the other members were sitting around the dance studio preparing for a group performance.
“Are you allowed to make another complaint? You made one a few days ago… that’s being a bit selfish, isn’t it?” Shiwon inquired lightly,
“I recall you doing the same thing at the beginning of the month,” Kyuhyun commented lightly as he sat at Zhou Mi’s feet, gaining a hard stare from his hyung.
“But this isn’t just my complaint, it’s one that all of you will agree to,” Eunhyuk insisted as he sat on the window’s ledge, sweeping his gaze amongst the other members who were now looking at him expectantly. “I keep seeing the same thing over and over again, about how Eeteuk is such a good leader.”
“HEY!” Eeteuk exclaimed as all the members burst on in agreement. He lunged towards Eunhyuk, but Kangin slipped an arm around his waist, effectively imprisoning him, “Let go of me! I need to teach this monkey a lesson!”
“He has a point,” Shindong commented lightly, “They do write him to be a saint in stories. I should know, I’ve done it once or twice.”
“Traitor! I’ll find your external hard drive and destroy it!” Eeteuk yelled as he tried to push against Kangin’s hold.
“Is that why Hankyung is the leader for SJ-M?” Ryeowook asked innocently from his seat on the wooden floor beside Yesung.
“I’ll never see you as the cute eternal maknae!” Eeteuk stated angrily as Yesung immediately clasped a hand over Ryeowook’s mouth.
“And why he looked so ridiculous during Don’t Don promotions,” Heechul added,
“I never should have let you start this damn challenge!” Eeteuk growled as he wriggled and twisted, but Kangin’s arm was like a steel band.
“He hogged the spotlight so much during EHB,” Sungmin mildly commented,
“Sungmin! Not you, too!” Eeteuk cried out,
“He’s always trying to get in on our dance routines,” Donghae pondered aloud,
“You’re conspiring with that damn monkey, aren’t you!?” Eeteuk questioned, “You better sleep with one eye open tonight!”
“And he’s always acting like he’s better than the rest of us,” Eunhyuk added. Immediately a chorus rang up from the other members in agreement.
Eeteuk turned desperate eyes towards Zhou Mi and Henry, “You two don’t believe all of their accusations, do you? You both know better than to follow these traitors, right?”
Henry and Zhou Mi glanced at each other from across the room, silently communication with one another. Kyuhyun looked between the two before speaking up, “It’s not Eeteuk’s fault that he ships KyuMin and that he secretly hates Henry’s violin playing.”
“Kyuhyun, why you little –”
“Don’t worry Teukie-hyung, I still like you and I think you’re an amazing leader,” Kyuhyun beamed up at the leader.
“I… was I just complimented?” Eeteuk stopped struggling and looked over his shoulder at Kangin, “By… by Kyuhyun?”
“I would take compliments when you get them. Especially since it seems our children are staging a coup,” Kangin stated dryly,
“Oh, Kangin! You’re acknowledging our children!” Eeteuk turned in his arm and hugged him tightly, “Now Hyukjae won’t have a broken home and will stop trying to break up perfectly happy families!”
“I… was kidding,” Kangin murmured,
“Kangin is finally acknowledging our children, I must be doing something right! You’re all just acting out because he wasn’t being a proper parent, right? Well, that’s not how it’ll be from now on!” Eeteuk insisted as he faced the other members who were watching him with amused expressions, “Don’t worry, I will continue to be the perfect leader I’ve always been!”
Eeteuk began to walk towards the studio’s door, lightly humming a happy tune when Kyuhyun called out to him. Eeteuk turned and looked back at the younger man, “Yes my son?”
Kyuhyun blinked a moment before asking in mock-innocence, “Hyung, just to prove you’re a better leader than they think I just want to ask you a question. Where’s Kibummie?”
“Why, filming of course!” Eeteuk smiled at him, his tone and expression and posture complete confidence.
Kyuhyun smiled back at his hyung brightly before his dark eyes took on a mischievous glint and his smile became more of a smirk, “He’s in the bathroom.”
“He… he is? He… I thought…” Eeteuk stared at Kangin helplessly, “I didn’t even know where my Kibummie actually is? What kind of leader am I?”
“Mother,” Kyuhyun whispered from his seat at Zhou Mi’s feet, “What kind of mo~th~er are you?”
Eeteuk’s jaw dropped, eyes widened, “NO!” He cried, falling to his knees on the floor.
Kangin sighed heavily as he shot the snarky member a glare. He knelt beside Eeteuk and wrapped his arms around the leader, whispering comforting words as the leader began to bemoan being a horrible mother because he had no idea his lovely, talented Kibummie was with them that day.
When Kibum strode into the dance studio, Eeteuk crawled over to him on his knees, hugging his legs, “Kibum, I’m a good mother right? Right? I’m a good mother, say I’m a good mother, Kibum!”
Kibum stared at the leader. He looked up at the other members who were having a very difficult time holding in their laughter. Finally, he looked down at the leader, locking gazes, “Of course you are… but… you’re not my mother.”
For the rest of the dance practice, Eeteuk sat in the corner crying over the phone to Jaejoong.
(Day 24: Love Quindecagon)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
[00SJ20] It's So Obvious
words: 1483
rate: PG13
(Day 20 of the Fanfiction series.)
Twenty days.
It had been twenty days since Heechul proposed the fanfiction challenge and still the cursed thing reigned over the boys of Super Junior and Super Junior-M. Each one was determined to prove Heechul wrong, to try and keep their mouths shut. However, each day one of the fifteen would make a complaint, further proving Heechul right. The twentieth day was drawing to a close and the other fourteen members were tensed with bated breaths as they willed the hours to inch faster. The closer it got to midnight, the closer it got to the possibility of the challenge being over with since no one had made a complaint that entire day. If the challenge could be finished that day, then that means ten more days without the challenge and it meant Heechul would be wrong; no one wanted him to be right because that path could only lead to more chaos.
All fifteen members were at dinner that evening, a slight respite from their ever-busy schedules and their monitoring managers (although they all had suspicions the managers were avoiding them due to how that challenge was affecting them all). As the meal wore on, conversations were being held up and down the long table that consisted of smaller tables pushed together to accommodate the over-sized boy band. However, it was words from one person that drew all conversations to a close and brought a new topic to the table. Naturally, that one person had to be Heechul.
“I may lose today,” he admitted nonchalantly as he waved his chopsticks in the air, noodles twirled and knotted about the tips.
Clinks and clatters were heard as dishes and cutleries were dropped at the sudden admission. Suddenly, fourteen pairs of eyes slowly turned to the second-eldest who popped his noodles in his mouth and chewed as if he hadn’t just baited them with gold.
Suddenly, the members began to chat and reminisce about the past complaints against fanfiction, bringing them together against a mutual enemy. It was on the opposite end of the long table that Henry grew silent, situated between Ryeowook and Donghae. Across from him, Kyuhyun looked up from his soup and raised a brow.
Henry, immediately see the silent question, shook his head almost violently as he looked back down at his plate, one hand slowly rising to cover his lips as if holding something in. Seeing the action in his peripherals, Ryeowook disengaged from his conversation with Yesung on his other side, to turn and look at the younger man,
“Henry? Is something wrong?”
Henry shook his head, “No… Yes… but I’ll tell you later.” He raised his other hand to glance at his watch, “In a few hours, actually.”
Ryeowook blinked and then looked at his own watch, “In a few hours… oh!” He lowered his voice considerably until he was sure only Henry could hear him, “Is this about the challenge?” Henry nodded. “You don’t want Heechul to win, right?”
Henry nodded violently, “I’ve been holding it in all day… I can wait a few more hours.”
Kyuhyun, who had been watching the byplay between the two but was too far to hear, watched, trying in vain to read their lips. When he couldn’t make any of the words out, however, he placed his bowl on the table, straightened in his seat and cleared his throat, “Henry. Is something wrong?” When the younger man looked at him with wide, alarmed eyes, Kyuhyun folded his arms over his chest and smirked, “Ah… I see… You have a complaint don’t you?”
Henry opened his mouth to talk when he realized how silent it had gotten around them. Slowly, he looked to his left and right and was horrified to find all the members watching him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before managing a weak, “No.”
“The challenge demands complete honesty from the members,” Kyuhyun reminded solemnly, a slight taunt in his tone.
Henry swung his gaze to Eeteuk who was now covering his face with a hand as he shook his head. Beside Eeteuk was Heechul who nodded in support of Kyuhyun’s words. Henry looked at Ryeowook desperately, “I… I…” He swallowed hard as he dropped his gaze to his plate, “I have a complaint.”
Amidst the groans and muttered words from the other members (most of which sounded like "damn Kyuhyun" and "you are evil" and "spawn of Satan" - the latter making Eeteuk say he wasn't Satan), Heechul prompted, “And what has fanfiction done to you today, Henry?”
“Well… nothing specific, not really… it’s just… it’s just… I’m sick of all of these popular ships! People need to write different pairings! Think outside the box and all of that!” He exclaimed, “If your plots are going to be cliché, at least switch up the characters. I mean… it doesn’t help that the writers have some of it right…” He glanced at Ryeowook, “Sorry, hyung… but you and Yesung are just too obvious in public. And Eeteuk and Kangin are even worse –”
“Was I just scolded by my own son?” Eeteuk looked at Kangin who sat on his other side.
Kangin slanted him a look before shoving a forkful of kimchi into the leader’s mouth, silencing the older man as he dealt with the sudden onslaught of spiciness.
“I just… I don’t know,” Henry threw his hands in the air. He crossed his arms then, “I just think I could write better than half the writers out there… AND I would use unpredictable ships, just to keep readers on their toes.” He looked around the table, “Like… like… Shindong and Donghae.”
Shindong stroked his chin, “At least I’d finally be in a pairing.”
“We do dance together a lot,” Donghae nodded. Almost immediately, however, he looked at Kibum at his side, “Kidding… I was kidding.”
“What’s with you and dancers?” Kibum scoffed as he turned his face the other way.
“Or… or… Eeteuk and… and Kyuhyun,” Henry suggested,
Eeteuk blinked as he put down his glass of water, “Why do I keep getting pulled into this?”
Kyuhyun stared at Henry, finally shaken out of his smug stupor, he glanced at the leader and then back at Henry, “Me and him? But he’s so old!”
“Kangin!” Eeteuk whined as Zhou Mi asked tentatively, “Am I too old!?”
Kyuhyun glanced at Eeteuk who was now glaring at him and then at Zhou Mi who stared imploringly at him. Sighing, he moved to stand, “I’m going to the washroom.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” Shiwon pulled him back down to his seat, “You started this, you’re going to have to suffer like the rest of us.”
Henry blinked, “See, or Kyuhyun and Shiwon.”
Shiwon, startled, raised both thick eyebrows in surprised, his grip slack on Kyuhyun’s arm. Meanwhile, the latter was blinking rapidly, “Me and Shiwon? But he’s so ol…” He paused when he slowly turned to look at Zhou Mi. The Chinaman had an eyebrow raised in a silent question and challenge. Kyuhyun cleared his throat as he looked away, “Religious. I was going to say religious.”
“And… I don’t know… maybe writers can pair me up with people who aren’t in SJ-M,” Henry shrugged, “I’m almost always paired with Donghae or Ryeowook, but, I mean… we all get along good, why can’t I be paired up with someone like… like…” He looked around the table, “Sungmin.”
Sungmin grinned, pointing to himself with his spoon, “Me? You want to be paired in a story with me?”
“S…Sure?” Henry shrugged again,
“Hey!” Both Donghae and Ryeowook turned to the younger man between them,
“What’s wrong with being paired with me!?” Donghae demanded,
“Or me?” Ryeowook questioned,
Eunhyuk, who was sitting beside Sungmin, leaned forward across the table, “Hey Henry, what about pairing with me? I’m a pretty cool guy!”
“What are you getting so excited for? You’re straight,” Hankyung reminded,
Eunhyuk looked at him, “So? I’m tired of the predictable ships, too! I’m always paired with Dong…” He paused and slowly glanced at Kibum who was now glaring daggers at him. “Bang Shin Ki’s Junsu,” He finished lamely, “Yes… that’s what I was going to say.”
Shindong, who had pulled out a notepad and was writing, paused and looked up at Henry, “Great job, Henry.”
He smiled sheepishly, “I didn’t mean to cause such an uproar.”
“It’s fine,” Shindong insisted, waving his pencil in the air, “Any other unpredictable ships? If I get inspiration, I’ll write some stories for you. Go on, what ship do you want?”
Henry laughed as he spiked his fingers through his hair, “Actually, my favourite ship is YeWook.”
Unfortunately for the maknae, his statement was heard by everyone else. As the members got into another heated discussion and debate about ships, Heechul sat back in his chair and laced his fingers behind his head,
“I love the sound of me being right.”
(Day 21: He's a homewrecker)
rate: PG13
(Day 20 of the Fanfiction series.)
Twenty days.
It had been twenty days since Heechul proposed the fanfiction challenge and still the cursed thing reigned over the boys of Super Junior and Super Junior-M. Each one was determined to prove Heechul wrong, to try and keep their mouths shut. However, each day one of the fifteen would make a complaint, further proving Heechul right. The twentieth day was drawing to a close and the other fourteen members were tensed with bated breaths as they willed the hours to inch faster. The closer it got to midnight, the closer it got to the possibility of the challenge being over with since no one had made a complaint that entire day. If the challenge could be finished that day, then that means ten more days without the challenge and it meant Heechul would be wrong; no one wanted him to be right because that path could only lead to more chaos.
All fifteen members were at dinner that evening, a slight respite from their ever-busy schedules and their monitoring managers (although they all had suspicions the managers were avoiding them due to how that challenge was affecting them all). As the meal wore on, conversations were being held up and down the long table that consisted of smaller tables pushed together to accommodate the over-sized boy band. However, it was words from one person that drew all conversations to a close and brought a new topic to the table. Naturally, that one person had to be Heechul.
“I may lose today,” he admitted nonchalantly as he waved his chopsticks in the air, noodles twirled and knotted about the tips.
Clinks and clatters were heard as dishes and cutleries were dropped at the sudden admission. Suddenly, fourteen pairs of eyes slowly turned to the second-eldest who popped his noodles in his mouth and chewed as if he hadn’t just baited them with gold.
Suddenly, the members began to chat and reminisce about the past complaints against fanfiction, bringing them together against a mutual enemy. It was on the opposite end of the long table that Henry grew silent, situated between Ryeowook and Donghae. Across from him, Kyuhyun looked up from his soup and raised a brow.
Henry, immediately see the silent question, shook his head almost violently as he looked back down at his plate, one hand slowly rising to cover his lips as if holding something in. Seeing the action in his peripherals, Ryeowook disengaged from his conversation with Yesung on his other side, to turn and look at the younger man,
“Henry? Is something wrong?”
Henry shook his head, “No… Yes… but I’ll tell you later.” He raised his other hand to glance at his watch, “In a few hours, actually.”
Ryeowook blinked and then looked at his own watch, “In a few hours… oh!” He lowered his voice considerably until he was sure only Henry could hear him, “Is this about the challenge?” Henry nodded. “You don’t want Heechul to win, right?”
Henry nodded violently, “I’ve been holding it in all day… I can wait a few more hours.”
Kyuhyun, who had been watching the byplay between the two but was too far to hear, watched, trying in vain to read their lips. When he couldn’t make any of the words out, however, he placed his bowl on the table, straightened in his seat and cleared his throat, “Henry. Is something wrong?” When the younger man looked at him with wide, alarmed eyes, Kyuhyun folded his arms over his chest and smirked, “Ah… I see… You have a complaint don’t you?”
Henry opened his mouth to talk when he realized how silent it had gotten around them. Slowly, he looked to his left and right and was horrified to find all the members watching him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before managing a weak, “No.”
“The challenge demands complete honesty from the members,” Kyuhyun reminded solemnly, a slight taunt in his tone.
Henry swung his gaze to Eeteuk who was now covering his face with a hand as he shook his head. Beside Eeteuk was Heechul who nodded in support of Kyuhyun’s words. Henry looked at Ryeowook desperately, “I… I…” He swallowed hard as he dropped his gaze to his plate, “I have a complaint.”
Amidst the groans and muttered words from the other members (most of which sounded like "damn Kyuhyun" and "you are evil" and "spawn of Satan" - the latter making Eeteuk say he wasn't Satan), Heechul prompted, “And what has fanfiction done to you today, Henry?”
“Well… nothing specific, not really… it’s just… it’s just… I’m sick of all of these popular ships! People need to write different pairings! Think outside the box and all of that!” He exclaimed, “If your plots are going to be cliché, at least switch up the characters. I mean… it doesn’t help that the writers have some of it right…” He glanced at Ryeowook, “Sorry, hyung… but you and Yesung are just too obvious in public. And Eeteuk and Kangin are even worse –”
“Was I just scolded by my own son?” Eeteuk looked at Kangin who sat on his other side.
Kangin slanted him a look before shoving a forkful of kimchi into the leader’s mouth, silencing the older man as he dealt with the sudden onslaught of spiciness.
“I just… I don’t know,” Henry threw his hands in the air. He crossed his arms then, “I just think I could write better than half the writers out there… AND I would use unpredictable ships, just to keep readers on their toes.” He looked around the table, “Like… like… Shindong and Donghae.”
Shindong stroked his chin, “At least I’d finally be in a pairing.”
“We do dance together a lot,” Donghae nodded. Almost immediately, however, he looked at Kibum at his side, “Kidding… I was kidding.”
“What’s with you and dancers?” Kibum scoffed as he turned his face the other way.
“Or… or… Eeteuk and… and Kyuhyun,” Henry suggested,
Eeteuk blinked as he put down his glass of water, “Why do I keep getting pulled into this?”
Kyuhyun stared at Henry, finally shaken out of his smug stupor, he glanced at the leader and then back at Henry, “Me and him? But he’s so old!”
“Kangin!” Eeteuk whined as Zhou Mi asked tentatively, “Am I too old!?”
Kyuhyun glanced at Eeteuk who was now glaring at him and then at Zhou Mi who stared imploringly at him. Sighing, he moved to stand, “I’m going to the washroom.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” Shiwon pulled him back down to his seat, “You started this, you’re going to have to suffer like the rest of us.”
Henry blinked, “See, or Kyuhyun and Shiwon.”
Shiwon, startled, raised both thick eyebrows in surprised, his grip slack on Kyuhyun’s arm. Meanwhile, the latter was blinking rapidly, “Me and Shiwon? But he’s so ol…” He paused when he slowly turned to look at Zhou Mi. The Chinaman had an eyebrow raised in a silent question and challenge. Kyuhyun cleared his throat as he looked away, “Religious. I was going to say religious.”
“And… I don’t know… maybe writers can pair me up with people who aren’t in SJ-M,” Henry shrugged, “I’m almost always paired with Donghae or Ryeowook, but, I mean… we all get along good, why can’t I be paired up with someone like… like…” He looked around the table, “Sungmin.”
Sungmin grinned, pointing to himself with his spoon, “Me? You want to be paired in a story with me?”
“S…Sure?” Henry shrugged again,
“Hey!” Both Donghae and Ryeowook turned to the younger man between them,
“What’s wrong with being paired with me!?” Donghae demanded,
“Or me?” Ryeowook questioned,
Eunhyuk, who was sitting beside Sungmin, leaned forward across the table, “Hey Henry, what about pairing with me? I’m a pretty cool guy!”
“What are you getting so excited for? You’re straight,” Hankyung reminded,
Eunhyuk looked at him, “So? I’m tired of the predictable ships, too! I’m always paired with Dong…” He paused and slowly glanced at Kibum who was now glaring daggers at him. “Bang Shin Ki’s Junsu,” He finished lamely, “Yes… that’s what I was going to say.”
Shindong, who had pulled out a notepad and was writing, paused and looked up at Henry, “Great job, Henry.”
He smiled sheepishly, “I didn’t mean to cause such an uproar.”
“It’s fine,” Shindong insisted, waving his pencil in the air, “Any other unpredictable ships? If I get inspiration, I’ll write some stories for you. Go on, what ship do you want?”
Henry laughed as he spiked his fingers through his hair, “Actually, my favourite ship is YeWook.”
Unfortunately for the maknae, his statement was heard by everyone else. As the members got into another heated discussion and debate about ships, Heechul sat back in his chair and laced his fingers behind his head,
“I love the sound of me being right.”
(Day 21: He's a homewrecker)
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
[00SJ1] feminine!Heechul pt 1
words: 1035
rate: PG13
(Day 1 of the Fanfiction series.)
It was, in Heechul’s mind, the perfect time to have a meeting; Super Junior never had meetings.
First, he called up Kibum who was the farthest away filming some movie or another; he said he was never going to brush his hair again which caused Kibum to worry frantically, not even saying goodbye as he hung up the phone. Then, he called Hankyung and demanded he bring everyone from Super Junior-M to the dorm. He told the same lie and Hankyung, knowing Heechul quite well, was so startled, he began yelling out commands in mandarin before hanging up. Finally, Heechul called the other dorm, and spread his lie further before coming to the dining room of his own dorm and calling forth the members who lived with him.
Within half an hour, fifteen young men were scattered in the dining room and living room of the 12th floor dorm where Heechul lived.
Kibum, who had somehow arrived before SJ-M and the members who lived on the 11th floor, looked at Heechul, “Hyung, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Is Heebum sick again?”
Heechul suddenly slapped down a single sheet of paper onto the dining table. The fourteen other men tried to crowd around the table, trying to get a better view. Kangin had wrapped his arms around Eeteuk’s hips and lifted him so they could both see; Hankyung had made space so Henry could squish in and see; Donghae, who was one of the last to arrive with SJ-M, merely climbed on Shiwon’s back (the latter didn’t notice); and somehow, Sungmin had managed to climb onto the table, sitting with his legs crossed.
They peered at the letter,
“What is it?” Donghae asked as he hung from Shiwon’s broad shoulders, “Change in our contract?”
“No,” Heechul said, pausing for dramatic effect, “It’s fanfiction!”
The others were silent as they all turned their gazes to him.
Kangin slowly lowered Eeteuk to the ground, no longer needing to see the paper, “Are you telling me, that I cancelled dinner with my parents -”
“Maybe he has a good reason!” Eeteuk exclaimed, his hands covering Kangin’s which were already fisting,
Hankyung, ever the one to side with Heechul, crossed his arms and slanted him a look, “We’re debuting tomorrow with Super Girl… This was our last practice before we perform live tomorrow…”
Kibum slapped a hand over his own eyes, “Are you serious, hyung!? I told the director I couldn’t film because you were most likely near-death!”
“Heechul, you’d better have a good reason and you’d better make it fast,” Eeteuk stated, “I can’t hold them off for too long!”
“I have a very good reason!” Heechul exclaimed, a fist slamming onto the table top, “In every fanfiction, I’m the one who’s always catching!”
Fourteen pairs of eyes blinked at him.
“Catch… ing?” Sungmin murmured, his jaw comically, slowly dropping,
“Like… baseball?” Ryeowook piped,
Yesung immediately covered the younger member’s ears with his hands, “Heechul! We have the innocence of young boys to protect!”
Kyuhyun ruined the effort however, by practically collapsing against Zhou Mi in a fit of stifled laughter. Heechul glared at the laughing dongsaeng, before looking back at the others seriously, arms crossed defiantly,
“Well I want to know why the hell I’m always catching and never pitching!” He stated angrily,
Shindong laid his forehead on the table top, “Oh my God, he’s serious.”
“Of course I’m serious! What, I can’t be the one in control? I’m the one who’s always following, always being driven into rather than driving!?” Heechul demanded, trying to set the offending piece of paper aflame with his dark glare,
Henry covered his own ears, “Hankyung! Make him stop!”
Hankyung, who was now pinching the bridge of his nose, sighed heavily, “Heechul, we understand how… frustrating… this must be for you-”
“We really don’t understand,” Shiwon muttered as Donghae and Eunhyuk, the closest to him, nodded their silent agreement;
“However,” Hankyung continued, lowering his hand from his face and looking at the older member warily, “It’s just fanfiction.”
“If it’s just fanfiction, then I challenge all of you to one month of fanfiction!” Heechul exclaimed. The others stared at him in confusion, so, he elaborated, “Everyday we will all,” he emphasized this by sweeping his gaze over the other fourteen men, “Read at least one fanfiction a day! If – IF – we can go at least one day without something to say against fanfiction, then I’ll let the matter rest and I’ll never mention it again. HOWEVER! If I’m right, you all have to admit it – AND!” He turned his eyes to Eeteuk, his lips twisting up in a smirk, “You all have to call me hyung.”
“I’m not even Korean,” Zhou Mi stated,
Heechul whipped his gaze to the other man, “All, Zhou Mi. I can accept being called ‘ge’.”
“Do we have to do this?” Eunhyuk looked to the eldest,
Eeteuk glanced at Heechul before sighing, “Otherwise Heechul won’t shut up about it.” As if to support this statement, Heechul nodded his head solemnly, “It’s just one story a day, guys, and it’s only for a month.”
“Don’t we head off to China soon?” Shiwon looked to Hankyung who nodded in reply.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t read one story a day,” Heechul argued, “And a quick call is all that’s needed if there are any complaints. AND – this requires complete honesty!” Heechul stated, staring at the other members challengingly, “If you have even the slightest complaint about the story you’ve read, you HAVE to report it to at least two of the other members.”
At Eeteuk’s apologetic look, the other members grudgingly accepted the fanfiction challenge, Heechul still upset over the fanfiction that lay on the table.
“I can’t believe a single piece of paper caused so much trouble,” Kibum muttered resentfully as he stood from the table,
“Well, how would you like it if fanfiction was being based on lies?” Heechul challenged, “Right Hankyung? I’m not always on the bottom!”
Skin the colour of chilli paste, Hankyung silently retreated to his room; the others didn’t see him for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, the other thirteen men were unable to sleep either, Heechul’s words echoing in their memory.
(Day 2: Eeteuk is Umma)
rate: PG13
(Day 1 of the Fanfiction series.)
It was, in Heechul’s mind, the perfect time to have a meeting; Super Junior never had meetings.
First, he called up Kibum who was the farthest away filming some movie or another; he said he was never going to brush his hair again which caused Kibum to worry frantically, not even saying goodbye as he hung up the phone. Then, he called Hankyung and demanded he bring everyone from Super Junior-M to the dorm. He told the same lie and Hankyung, knowing Heechul quite well, was so startled, he began yelling out commands in mandarin before hanging up. Finally, Heechul called the other dorm, and spread his lie further before coming to the dining room of his own dorm and calling forth the members who lived with him.
Within half an hour, fifteen young men were scattered in the dining room and living room of the 12th floor dorm where Heechul lived.
Kibum, who had somehow arrived before SJ-M and the members who lived on the 11th floor, looked at Heechul, “Hyung, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Is Heebum sick again?”
Heechul suddenly slapped down a single sheet of paper onto the dining table. The fourteen other men tried to crowd around the table, trying to get a better view. Kangin had wrapped his arms around Eeteuk’s hips and lifted him so they could both see; Hankyung had made space so Henry could squish in and see; Donghae, who was one of the last to arrive with SJ-M, merely climbed on Shiwon’s back (the latter didn’t notice); and somehow, Sungmin had managed to climb onto the table, sitting with his legs crossed.
They peered at the letter,
“What is it?” Donghae asked as he hung from Shiwon’s broad shoulders, “Change in our contract?”
“No,” Heechul said, pausing for dramatic effect, “It’s fanfiction!”
The others were silent as they all turned their gazes to him.
Kangin slowly lowered Eeteuk to the ground, no longer needing to see the paper, “Are you telling me, that I cancelled dinner with my parents -”
“Maybe he has a good reason!” Eeteuk exclaimed, his hands covering Kangin’s which were already fisting,
Hankyung, ever the one to side with Heechul, crossed his arms and slanted him a look, “We’re debuting tomorrow with Super Girl… This was our last practice before we perform live tomorrow…”
Kibum slapped a hand over his own eyes, “Are you serious, hyung!? I told the director I couldn’t film because you were most likely near-death!”
“Heechul, you’d better have a good reason and you’d better make it fast,” Eeteuk stated, “I can’t hold them off for too long!”
“I have a very good reason!” Heechul exclaimed, a fist slamming onto the table top, “In every fanfiction, I’m the one who’s always catching!”
Fourteen pairs of eyes blinked at him.
“Catch… ing?” Sungmin murmured, his jaw comically, slowly dropping,
“Like… baseball?” Ryeowook piped,
Yesung immediately covered the younger member’s ears with his hands, “Heechul! We have the innocence of young boys to protect!”
Kyuhyun ruined the effort however, by practically collapsing against Zhou Mi in a fit of stifled laughter. Heechul glared at the laughing dongsaeng, before looking back at the others seriously, arms crossed defiantly,
“Well I want to know why the hell I’m always catching and never pitching!” He stated angrily,
Shindong laid his forehead on the table top, “Oh my God, he’s serious.”
“Of course I’m serious! What, I can’t be the one in control? I’m the one who’s always following, always being driven into rather than driving!?” Heechul demanded, trying to set the offending piece of paper aflame with his dark glare,
Henry covered his own ears, “Hankyung! Make him stop!”
Hankyung, who was now pinching the bridge of his nose, sighed heavily, “Heechul, we understand how… frustrating… this must be for you-”
“We really don’t understand,” Shiwon muttered as Donghae and Eunhyuk, the closest to him, nodded their silent agreement;
“However,” Hankyung continued, lowering his hand from his face and looking at the older member warily, “It’s just fanfiction.”
“If it’s just fanfiction, then I challenge all of you to one month of fanfiction!” Heechul exclaimed. The others stared at him in confusion, so, he elaborated, “Everyday we will all,” he emphasized this by sweeping his gaze over the other fourteen men, “Read at least one fanfiction a day! If – IF – we can go at least one day without something to say against fanfiction, then I’ll let the matter rest and I’ll never mention it again. HOWEVER! If I’m right, you all have to admit it – AND!” He turned his eyes to Eeteuk, his lips twisting up in a smirk, “You all have to call me hyung.”
“I’m not even Korean,” Zhou Mi stated,
Heechul whipped his gaze to the other man, “All, Zhou Mi. I can accept being called ‘ge’.”
“Do we have to do this?” Eunhyuk looked to the eldest,
Eeteuk glanced at Heechul before sighing, “Otherwise Heechul won’t shut up about it.” As if to support this statement, Heechul nodded his head solemnly, “It’s just one story a day, guys, and it’s only for a month.”
“Don’t we head off to China soon?” Shiwon looked to Hankyung who nodded in reply.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t read one story a day,” Heechul argued, “And a quick call is all that’s needed if there are any complaints. AND – this requires complete honesty!” Heechul stated, staring at the other members challengingly, “If you have even the slightest complaint about the story you’ve read, you HAVE to report it to at least two of the other members.”
At Eeteuk’s apologetic look, the other members grudgingly accepted the fanfiction challenge, Heechul still upset over the fanfiction that lay on the table.
“I can’t believe a single piece of paper caused so much trouble,” Kibum muttered resentfully as he stood from the table,
“Well, how would you like it if fanfiction was being based on lies?” Heechul challenged, “Right Hankyung? I’m not always on the bottom!”
Skin the colour of chilli paste, Hankyung silently retreated to his room; the others didn’t see him for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, the other thirteen men were unable to sleep either, Heechul’s words echoing in their memory.
(Day 2: Eeteuk is Umma)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
[RQ] Sarangui Kieok
For gabbeeee
theme: love confession
pair: Sungmin/Kyuhyun
rate: PG
words: 4671
The evening the plane touched down on Korean soil, Kyuhyun could barely contain his excitement. His heart was pounding as he and the other Super Junior - M members gathered their things, and he couldn’t stop smiling as they left the plane. Super Junior - M was going to continue working on their second album in Korea so that those who were part of Super Junior could also finish work on the third album.
“You haven’t stopped smiling since you heard we were coming back to Korea,” Hankyung noted as they headed towards customs with their manager hyungs and bodyguards,
“I can’t help it,” Kyuhyun replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders, “It’s just exciting to be home again.”
“Are you excited just because of that, or something else?” Shiwon asked with a slight smirk as he slung an arm around Donghae’s shoulders, “Or someone?”
Kyuhyun blushed at his hyungs’ teasing but said nothing and kept smiling, nothing could bring him down today…
“Hello?” One of the manager hyungs picked up their cell phone, “Eh!? Yes… yes… we’re at customs… Yes… I understand. We’ll be over immediately.” As he hung up, he noted the other managers, Super Junior - M and even the bodyguards were watching him curiously, “There’s been an accident… We’re heading over to the hospital immediately.”
Slowly, the smile that was gracing Kyuhyun slowly dissipated and he couldn’t ignore a feeling of dread that was falling upon him.
…
Retrograde amnesia.
Two words couldn’t have pierced the hearts of Super Junior any more than those. They sat in the waiting room as a doctor talked to them all. Sungmin had been driving when he was hit by another car while going through an intersection. According to the police reports, the other driver had been under the influence of alcohol.
“The impact on his skull and the area where his head was hit during the crash affected where his memories are stored,” The doctor explained as he went over his charts, “The interesting part is that while Lee Sungmin-sshi has forgotten his memories, only a part of his old memories are gone. You see, your long-term memories are divided into semantic memory and episodic memory. Semantic memory are skills and such while episodic memory are events in one’s life, face, peoples, telephone numbers. Only Lee-sshi’s episodic memory has been affected. His semantic memory remains completely intact.”
Eeteuk steeled himself as he saw the weakness in his members. He swallowed hard and forced a strength into his words, “How… how long?”
The doctor closed his charts and tucked it under his arm as he sighed heavily, “That’s the thing with retrograde amnesia - or amnesia in general. It’s always hard to tell when these memories will come back, if they come back. It could take weeks, months, years or forever.”
“Can we see him?” Eeteuk asked hesitantly,
The doctor paused a moment, “I would wait until his parents and brother are done, this is a hard time for them. Then after I would condone you visiting Lee-sshi. My only advice is when visiting him you do it in small numbers so as not to overwhelm him. This is hard for all of you to deal, but it’s Lee-sshi who has to deal with not knowing anything.”
…
An hour and half later, Sungmin’s dad escorted his wife and son out of Sungmin’s hospital room. As they walked through the waiting room, he paused when Eeteuk stood up and faced him.
“Eeteuk, we appreciate you and the others coming here and it shows us the concern you have for our son,” he said. He wasn’t an old man, but the stress and the turmoil that Sungmin’s dad was obviously facing was having a toll on him. “If you or anyone goes to see Sungmin, I only suggest that you prepare yourselves.”
“Sir?” Eeteuk asked, confused,
“You know he doesn’t remember anyone or anything and you come to terms with it, but when you’re faced with it, it’s a completely different feeling,” he explained, his voice haunting and laced with pain, “I’m driving my wife and Sungjin home then I’ll return… I don’t… I don’t want to leave Sungmin.”
“I understand, we’ll stay until you return,” Eeteuk promised,
Sungmin’s dad looked at him gratefully before walking away. As Eeteuk turned back to the members, he sighed heavily, steadying himself. He relayed what Sungmin’s dad had told him. Slowly, the members went into Sungmin’s room in pairs.
After half an hour, Eeteuk sat down beside Kyuhyun in the waiting room. They were the last two to go see Sungmin.
“Are you going to see him?” Eeteuk asked hesitantly,
“I have to, don’t I?” Kyuhyun asked,
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Eeteuk replied, “It’s understandable if you don’t-”
“No… I have to,” Kyuhyun interjected, his hands that lay on his knees were gripping them until his knuckles whitened.
Eeteuk stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder, “Alright, then I’ll come with you.”
…
“Hi Sungmin-sshi, I’m Eeteuk,” Eeteuk said as he and Kyuhyun entered the room, closing the door firmly behind him.
“And I’m Kyuhyun,” Kyuhyun added as they sat in the chairs by his bedside.
Sungmin tilted his head slightly as he regarded them curiously, “Are you part of… Super Junior too?”
“Yes, I’m actually the leader,” Eeteuk replied,
Sungmin gave him a slanted look, “But… that… the one guy said HE was leader… He… Heechul?”
Eeteuk’s face darkened slightly, “He would say that… but no, I’m the leader.”
Sungmin sighed heavily, “There’s so many of you to remember,” he ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t know how anyone who’s a fan of us can keep up with all thirteen members.” Sungmin shook his head slightly as he turned his gaze to Kyuhyun, “And what do you do in Super Junior?”
“I’m… I’m one of the power vocals,” Kyuhyun replied, his voice waveringly slightly.
Sungmin’s gaze was blank as it fell upon him and as their eyes locked, Kyuhyun felt coldness clench around his heart. Never before had Sungmin ever looked at him in such a way - with no feelings, no thoughts, no warmth… no love. Kyuhyun felt his whole being be consumed with that blank look and felt everything shake painful from the apathy.
“That’s nice,” Sungmin said as if he were brushing it off. Slowly, his gaze wandered off as if his thoughts were leading him away from the hospital room and the two people who sat with him,
“Kyuhyun is actually your roommate,” Eeteuk spoke up, trying to draw back his attention,
“Oh,” was all Sungmin said as his eyes found fascination in the night sky outside his hospital room’s window.
Kyuhyun clenched his fists, digging his nails painfully into the palms of his hands. He pushed back the bile he felt rise within him and ignored the ice slashing through his heart accompanied by the burning pain in his chest. He stood from his chair and swiftly left the room.
“Get better soon, Sungmin-sshi,” Eeteuk said, almost pleadingly as he stood up,
Sungmin absent-mindedly nodded to him as Eeteuk followed his dongsaeng immediately.
Out in the hallway, Eeteuk found Kyuhyun as he smashed his fist into the wall.
“Kyuhyun-”
“How can he forget, Eeteuk? How can he forget EVERYTHING!?” Kyuhyun demanded as his fist shook against the wall. He leaned his forehead against the wall, shutting his eyes tightly against his hot tears,
“It happens, Kyu-sshi, it’s the amnesia-”
“But he forgot EVERYTHING,” Kyuhyun stated roughly, “Everything and everyone… I was… I was going to tell him today…”
Eeteuk tentatively placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, only to have Kyuhyun suddenly turn towards him and hug him tightly,
“I was going to tell him that I love him too… but … but how can I?” Kyuhyun choked as he shook violently with his tears, “How can I when he doesn’t even remember telling me that he loves me!?”
Eeteuk said nothing - could say nothing - as he held his dongsaeng. Instead, he held him tighter and prayed that things would get better.
…
After a few days, Sungmin left the hospital and was moved back into his dorm. Usually the patients would return home, however as the doctor prescribed, Sungmin was to slowly be reintroduced to his daily life and that included living at one of the Super Junior dorms.
“Home sweet home!” Yesung said with a flourish as he burst into the room Sungmin shared with Kyuhyun,
Kyuhyun, who had been sitting on his bed playing a video game, suddenly sat up straighter as he looked expectantly at the door. Sungmin walked in, his eyes looking all around at his surroundings as he tentatively walked further into the room and even going as far as sitting on his own bed.
“Oh, hi again,” Sungmin said easily as Yesung left the room. “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”
Kyuhyun felt his heart twist unbearably at the question and all warmth left him as he was looked at with that blank stare once more, “Kyuhyun…” he managed although his mouth had gone dry and all the words he couldn’t say were choking him. “My name is-”
“Yesung-sshi, wait up!” Sungmin interjected, jumping from his bed and sprinting out the door after the other member.
Kyuhyun suddenly felt it hard to breath. Throwing his hand-held game console onto the bed, he got up from his bed and walked over to one of the desks in the room. Against the wall several frames were leaning on the desk and he picked up one of him and Sungmin. It had been taken before Kyuhyun had left to join Super Junior-M in China. The smiling faces mocked him and when he heard Sungmin call after Yesung once more, he dropped the frame to the desk and gripped the edge of the table to keep himself from collapsing.
He felt his legs give way and fell to his knees. His body quivered with the cries he fought against, allowing the pain to silently suffocate him as once more he heard the love of his life call out for another man.
…
“I can cook!?” Sungmin gasped one evening.
Yesung, who was putting rice in the rice cooker, nodded, “You probably still can, according to what the doctors said.”
It had already been weeks since Sungmin’s accident and yet he showed no signs of getting any better or even retrieving any of his old memories. Kyuhyun walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, overhearing the startled exclamation from his hyung,
“Yeah, you’re a good cook,” Kyuhyun added as he closed the fridge and leaned his shoulder against it, slowly sipping his water,
Sungmin turned to face him, “I am?”
Kyuhyun nodded solemnly. A peculiar light entered his eyes as he gazed at Sungmin, “You would cook often for us - for me when I was too tired to make something on my own. You loved cooking,” Kyuhyun replied, his tone longing and a haunted look crossing the maknae’s face, “You loved food and making food, especially if it was to make someone smile.”
“Did I make a lot of people smile with my cooking?” Sungmin asked curiously, innocently as he stared at Kyuhyun with a lost wonder,
Kyuhyun gazed at him silently a moment before saying simply, “You didn’t have to cook to achieve that.” Kyuhyun glanced at Yesung behind Sungmin who nodded at him expectantly. Hesitantly, Kyuhyun closed the distance between him and Sungmin, “Min… Sungmin-sshi… this past February… you… you cooked me dinner for my birthday… And we had dinner - just the two of us.”
Sungmin stared at Kyuhyun, seriously contemplating his words. Kyuhyun felt his breath catch in his throat, his heart practically breaking his ribs. His fingers tightened around his glass of water as he silently willed Sungmin to remember, begged him to remember.
Suddenly, Sungmin spun around to face Yesung, “Did I cook dinner for all the members?” He asked.
Kyuhyun wanted to release his breath, but it was lodged in his throat. He tried to move, tried to walk - no, run away, but his legs wouldn’t move. He felt the hot tears stinging his eyes and he begged whatever higher power ruled the world would let him escape. Finally, his muscles began to stiffly move and he forced himself into a run, locking the bathroom door behind him. He moved to put his glass on the shelf above the sink, but the glass suddenly shattered in his hand.
As he let the glass shards spill to the sink, he turned towards the bathtub, turning on the water to give himself a front. He held his hand beneath the running water as he slouched against the rim of the tub, letting his cries suffocate him. When the blood began to run clear, he pulled his hand from the water and leaned back against the bathroom wall. He cradled his injured hand to his chest, bringing it closer to his injured heart.
…
Every morning, Kyuhyun found himself waking up with the sun. Ever since his accident, Sungmin had been waking up close to noon. For those five hour in which he was awake by himself, Kyuhyun sat in bed just watching Sungmin sleep.
He remembered the times when he would crawl into Sungmin’s bed and sleep beside his hyung, he could no longer do that. He remembered when they would stay up all night just talking, he could no longer do that. He remembered when he would wake up to see Sungmin’s smile, he could no longer do that either.
“Hurry back to Korea.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to tell you face-to-face that I love you.”
Kyuhyun had carried that phone conversation everywhere with him for the rest of his stay in China with Super Junior-M. It had given him an unknown strength and a constant happiness. Even now he still carried the memory with him, but all it left was pain.
Gingerly, Kyuhyun got up and slowly crossed the room to Sungmin’s bed and stood there, towering over his sleeping form. It was barely eight in the morning, Sungmin would not awaken for hours yet. He fell to his knees, sitting back on the heels of his feet as he watched Sungmin
“Do you even remember?” Kyuhyun asked quietly, “Do you remember that phone conversation? You told me three words then hung up before I could say anything back… and afterwards you never mentioned it again. Do you remember?”
Kyuhyun felt his heart stirring painfully, the ice that had frozen around it was cracking, but those shards were jagged and pierced him with a cold fierceness.
“Your words made me so happy, so light… I never thought I’d feel pain again,” Kyuhyun, who’s hands were on his knees, gripped them painfully, “I never thought after that moment that you could hurt me - would ever hurt me…”
He felt the tears sting his eyes, but he fought against them, trudging on, “And you have no idea what you’re doing to me. No idea how much it hurts to see you but you don’t see me. No idea how much it hurts to love you but you don’t love me. No idea how much it hurts to remember you because you don’t remember me.”
He felt his body rebel and swiped away angrily at his tears that trickled down his cheeks, “Why didn’t you take me with you? Why couldn’t I go with you when you forgot everything? Why am I the only one who’s left with the memories? Left with the pain? Why did you leave me to suffer alone!?” Kyuhyun demanded crouching over, his fists clenched against the floor, his tears wetting the wood beneath him.
“Kyuhyun-sshi? What are you doing on the floor?” Sungmin’s sleepy voice asked quietly,
Immediately, Kyuhyun dashed away his tears and stood up abruptly, turning away, “I dropped my phone and it slid under your bed, so I knelt down to get it. I have it now… I’m going to get breakfast,” he said in flat tones, letting all the words he wanted to scream at Sungmin, suffocate him. “Just… go back to sleep…” Kyuhyun forced out before stiffly exiting the room.
Sungmin watched him leave, confused. Something about his roommate seemed off but he couldn’t place it. He couldn’t place anything since that accident wiped his mind of everything. He sighed heavily as he prepared to go back to sleep when something caught his eye. He glanced towards the bedside table between their beds. There atop the small table was Kyuhyun’s phone.
…
Kyuhyun sat at the dining table, a bowl of cereal before him. One arm wrapped around his torso, his other hand idly stirred the spoon in the now mushy cereal. He had been sitting there for some time, his roommates barely making appearances that Sunday morning. Eunhyuk was in his room working on some lyrics for a new song for their upcoming album while Yesung went to the grocery store and Ryeowook was still fast asleep.
Suddenly, Sungmin padded out of the room and made a beeline for the couch. He sat there but did nothing, said nothing except for periodically glance towards Kyuhyun.
Finally, irritated enough already, Kyuhyun dropped his spoon and turned his stare towards the other member, “What, hyung?”
“Did… did I do something to you, Kyuhyun-sshi?” Sungmin asked hesitantly, that innocent and tentative curiosity he had adopted since the accident, ever-present in his voice.
“Why do you ask?” Kyuhyun questioned, startled at the dark tone in his words,
“I don’t know exactly… whenever we’re together I feel as if you’re wary of something… as if you’re expecting something,” Sungmin crossed his legs, tucking his feet beneath the opposite knee. He stared at his hands in his lap as if they were fascinating. He opened his mouth to say more, but then closed his mouth and remained silent.
“Maybe because I am wary… because I am expecting something,” Kyuhyun grounded out, “waiting for something…”
“What… what is it?” Sungmin asked, almost pleadingly as he looked up at Kyuhyun.
“What is it?” Kyuhyun got and walked over to Sungmin, towering over him, “What is it!? Damn it Sungmin - you cannot even comprehend how much I hurt right now! You should be able to - but you can’t!”
“You can’t blame me for my amnesia!” Sungmin defended, standing up suddenly, “I can’t help it!”
“I know that!” Kyuhyun ran his hands through his own hair out of frustration as he began to pace, “I know you can’t help it and yet… and yet I can’t help but STILL blame you because it isn’t something you should be able to forget.”
“What is it?” Sungmin asked, almost scared to know and clenching his fists at his sides,
“I love you, Sungmin,” Kyuhyun confessed, the strength and solidarity of his words belying his pounding heart and trembling body.
Sungmin felt the world fall away from him and allowed his body to fall back down onto the couch, his eyes glued to the floor.
“I have been in love with you for over a year and it was only a month before your accident that you confessed your love for me,” Kyuhyun managed, his mouth suddenly dry but his eyes suddenly very wet. “I used to see you… speak to you and I would feel the love, hear it…” He wrapped his arms around his torso in attempt to stop his body from shaking, “When I see you now and I feel nothing from you… my heart breaks every time and… and I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on.”
‘I… I had no idea,” Sungmin said finally as a silence fell upon the pair. However, he couldn’t find any strength within him to look Kyuhyun in the eye.
“No… you wouldn’t, would you?” Kyuhyun countered, his cynical words laced with a pain that even shook Sungmin’s soul. Kyuhyun turned to leave when he paused, his eyes veiled with tears but still on his hyung, “Just answer me this…” Kyuhyun took a deep, steadying breath in an attempt to still his voice, “Do you… do you remember a semblance of ever telling me that you love me?”
Sungmin closed his eyes, trying to search every corner within his mind, but like always, all he found was darkness.
“Look. At. Me,” Kyuhyun commanded, his voice wavering and cracking in all the wrong places.
Sungmin forced himself to look up at his dongsaeng and was met with an endless stream of tears. He found it hard to breath and hard to speak, but he knew he had to say something and he knew it had to be the truth; this person before him - before all others - would know if he was lying,
“DO YOU REMEMBER!?” Kyuhyun demanded suddenly, his voice loud yet soft and strong yet weak.
Immediately after the words left his mouth, his hands clamped down over his lips. For weeks he found it harder and harder to get up in the morning, to smile, to laugh - when was the last time he had laughed? Truly laughed? Happiness seemed a foreign concept to Kyuhyun and yet whenever he was with Sungmin - despite the deep ache in his heart and the coldness coursing through his veins - he saw a glimmer of hope that happiness was just within his reach. For weeks the pain ate away at him, consumed him but he had fought against it - until now.
“No,” Sungmin said quietly, hesitantly.
Kyuhyun suddenly felt his body lurch towards the dorm door. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his jacket, noticing that Eunhyuk and Ryeowook were now standing outside their respective rooms, worried. The door opened and Yesung came in, hands full of grocery bags. Immediately he had a question on his lips as he glanced between Sungmin and Kyuhyun. However, Kyuhyun pushed past him and ran from their home.
He ran into the stairwell and collapsed back against the heavy door, hugging his arms against himself as his body was overcome with a bitter cold pain. The pain started in his chest as if ice slashed through his heart. It grew spindles that made their way throughout his body, encasing everything, imprisoning everything. He felt his chest tighten, his lungs unable to take in air. He felt the door at his back nudge him.
Suddenly, he had a pair of arms wrap around him and heard Eunhyuk’s voice in his ear, trying to soothe the pain that rocked him. He fought against his hyung’s hold, trying to run away, but Eunhyuk held him fast. Finally, Kyuhyun stopped fighting, not having any more strength within him. All he knew was cold hollowness.
…
It was closing in on evening when Kyuhyun returned to the dorm alone, Eunhyuk having to meet Donghae at the dance studio. He prayed that he would be alone, but of course, fate was oft more cruel than kind. He came home to a dorm empty except for Yesung and Sungmin who sat opposite one another at the dining table.
As he hung his jacket back in the closet adjacent to the front door and slipped off his shoes, Yesung came and approached him.
“Talk to him,” Yesung said simply before continuing on down the hall and disappearing into his bedroom.
Kyuhyun turned to retreat to his own bedroom when Sungmin called after him. He sighed heavily and turned back. Sungmin closed the distance between them and then suddenly fell to his knees, his entire body bowed so low his forehead practically kissed the floorboards.
“Kyuhyun, I’m sorry… I really am,” Sungmin blurted out, “I felt I did something to you but I never imagined in my life it was even a fraction of the pain you must have felt - be feeling…”
As Kyuhyun stared at Sungmin’s arched back he felt some triumph over the one who abandoned him but it was short lived. Almost immediately, it was replaced with that familiar hollowness and the tears he could no longer cry now cradled the shattered remnants of his heart.
“Get… up…” Kyuhyun breathed, his voice shaking, “Get off your knees, Sungmin…”
Hesitantly, Sungmin uncurled his body, straightening to his full height. “I wish I could say something, anything that could help you,” he reached for Kyuhyun’s hand but the moment their hands touched, Kyuhyun retracted his hand as if burnt. Sungmin turned away, walking towards the living room, “I wish I could do anything but I honestly can’t remember anything. I look and look and all I ever find are holes in my mind.”
Sungmin ran his hands through his hair as he approached the balcony doors, “Places… dates… events… people - I can’t remember any of it. I try and I try and I… I just can’t.” He took a steadying breath as he closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the cool glass of the balcony doors.
“I want you to remember, Sungmin; possibly more than you want to remember,” Kyuhyun admitted quietly as he slowly padded across the living room, “but every time I feel my love not being reciprocated, I feel myself break a little more each time.”
“I can’t remember my parents or even my brother… and yet I want to remember you above all others,” Sungmin insisted, his voice quiet and sincere, “I cannot remember you and yet… yet I feel like I have to. Before earlier, before any conversation we’ve had since my accident… since the moment I first heard your name, I felt this… this yearning to know more.” Sungmin breathed steadily, the glass fogging from his warm breath, “That first night when you introduced yourself to me, I was curious with this sudden feeling that overcame me. It was peculiar and strange and… and consumed my attention to the point of distraction. I didn’t understand it and didn’t pay attention to others that evening as much as I should have…”
Sungmin slowly turned around to face Kyuhyun, startled to find him just a few inches away from himself.
“But the more I was around you, the more frequent that feeling came to me. I didn’t understand it and it scared me,” Sungmin confessed, “I sought out Yesung’s company - anyone’s company - in attempt to see if the feeling transferred itself to when I was with others and yet… it didn’t. It never did.” With a courage he barely held onto, Sungmin locked eyes with Kyuhyun’s, “After what you told me earlier, it suddenly makes sense… Kyuhyun, I mind may not remember, but my body does… and from the pain I always feel here whenever I’m with you,” he gingerly raised his own hand to lay over his own chest, “My heart remembers you.”
Slowly, his hand fell to his side, “But… but I don’t want you to have to wait for my mind to remember.”
“I said before I didn’t know how much longer I could go on,” Kyuhyun reminded softly as his hand went to Sungmin’s face, cradling the side gently, “But it doesn’t mean I’m going to quit, Min… I’m going to wait until there’s nothing left of me.”
“And when that happens?” Sungmin asked, hesitantly, his heart doing its familiar speedy dance,
“Then I’ll continue to wait for you to build me back up again,” Kyuhyun replied simply as his other hand came and held the other side of his hyung’s face.
“Kyuhyun…” Sungmin barely managed, his strength and last wisp of courage leaving him beneath the hard stare of his dongsaeng,
“I can’t not love you,” Kyuhyun stated simply, softly and sternly, “It’s impossible.”
“I’m trying,” Sungmin said, almost pleadingly as an indescribable ache spread throughout his body, “I’m trying so hard to remember… to come back to you!”
His voice above a whisper, Kyuhyun promised before touching his lips to Sungmin’s, “I’ll be waiting.”
theme: love confession
pair: Sungmin/Kyuhyun
rate: PG
words: 4671
The evening the plane touched down on Korean soil, Kyuhyun could barely contain his excitement. His heart was pounding as he and the other Super Junior - M members gathered their things, and he couldn’t stop smiling as they left the plane. Super Junior - M was going to continue working on their second album in Korea so that those who were part of Super Junior could also finish work on the third album.
“You haven’t stopped smiling since you heard we were coming back to Korea,” Hankyung noted as they headed towards customs with their manager hyungs and bodyguards,
“I can’t help it,” Kyuhyun replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders, “It’s just exciting to be home again.”
“Are you excited just because of that, or something else?” Shiwon asked with a slight smirk as he slung an arm around Donghae’s shoulders, “Or someone?”
Kyuhyun blushed at his hyungs’ teasing but said nothing and kept smiling, nothing could bring him down today…
“Hello?” One of the manager hyungs picked up their cell phone, “Eh!? Yes… yes… we’re at customs… Yes… I understand. We’ll be over immediately.” As he hung up, he noted the other managers, Super Junior - M and even the bodyguards were watching him curiously, “There’s been an accident… We’re heading over to the hospital immediately.”
Slowly, the smile that was gracing Kyuhyun slowly dissipated and he couldn’t ignore a feeling of dread that was falling upon him.
…
Retrograde amnesia.
Two words couldn’t have pierced the hearts of Super Junior any more than those. They sat in the waiting room as a doctor talked to them all. Sungmin had been driving when he was hit by another car while going through an intersection. According to the police reports, the other driver had been under the influence of alcohol.
“The impact on his skull and the area where his head was hit during the crash affected where his memories are stored,” The doctor explained as he went over his charts, “The interesting part is that while Lee Sungmin-sshi has forgotten his memories, only a part of his old memories are gone. You see, your long-term memories are divided into semantic memory and episodic memory. Semantic memory are skills and such while episodic memory are events in one’s life, face, peoples, telephone numbers. Only Lee-sshi’s episodic memory has been affected. His semantic memory remains completely intact.”
Eeteuk steeled himself as he saw the weakness in his members. He swallowed hard and forced a strength into his words, “How… how long?”
The doctor closed his charts and tucked it under his arm as he sighed heavily, “That’s the thing with retrograde amnesia - or amnesia in general. It’s always hard to tell when these memories will come back, if they come back. It could take weeks, months, years or forever.”
“Can we see him?” Eeteuk asked hesitantly,
The doctor paused a moment, “I would wait until his parents and brother are done, this is a hard time for them. Then after I would condone you visiting Lee-sshi. My only advice is when visiting him you do it in small numbers so as not to overwhelm him. This is hard for all of you to deal, but it’s Lee-sshi who has to deal with not knowing anything.”
…
An hour and half later, Sungmin’s dad escorted his wife and son out of Sungmin’s hospital room. As they walked through the waiting room, he paused when Eeteuk stood up and faced him.
“Eeteuk, we appreciate you and the others coming here and it shows us the concern you have for our son,” he said. He wasn’t an old man, but the stress and the turmoil that Sungmin’s dad was obviously facing was having a toll on him. “If you or anyone goes to see Sungmin, I only suggest that you prepare yourselves.”
“Sir?” Eeteuk asked, confused,
“You know he doesn’t remember anyone or anything and you come to terms with it, but when you’re faced with it, it’s a completely different feeling,” he explained, his voice haunting and laced with pain, “I’m driving my wife and Sungjin home then I’ll return… I don’t… I don’t want to leave Sungmin.”
“I understand, we’ll stay until you return,” Eeteuk promised,
Sungmin’s dad looked at him gratefully before walking away. As Eeteuk turned back to the members, he sighed heavily, steadying himself. He relayed what Sungmin’s dad had told him. Slowly, the members went into Sungmin’s room in pairs.
After half an hour, Eeteuk sat down beside Kyuhyun in the waiting room. They were the last two to go see Sungmin.
“Are you going to see him?” Eeteuk asked hesitantly,
“I have to, don’t I?” Kyuhyun asked,
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Eeteuk replied, “It’s understandable if you don’t-”
“No… I have to,” Kyuhyun interjected, his hands that lay on his knees were gripping them until his knuckles whitened.
Eeteuk stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder, “Alright, then I’ll come with you.”
…
“Hi Sungmin-sshi, I’m Eeteuk,” Eeteuk said as he and Kyuhyun entered the room, closing the door firmly behind him.
“And I’m Kyuhyun,” Kyuhyun added as they sat in the chairs by his bedside.
Sungmin tilted his head slightly as he regarded them curiously, “Are you part of… Super Junior too?”
“Yes, I’m actually the leader,” Eeteuk replied,
Sungmin gave him a slanted look, “But… that… the one guy said HE was leader… He… Heechul?”
Eeteuk’s face darkened slightly, “He would say that… but no, I’m the leader.”
Sungmin sighed heavily, “There’s so many of you to remember,” he ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t know how anyone who’s a fan of us can keep up with all thirteen members.” Sungmin shook his head slightly as he turned his gaze to Kyuhyun, “And what do you do in Super Junior?”
“I’m… I’m one of the power vocals,” Kyuhyun replied, his voice waveringly slightly.
Sungmin’s gaze was blank as it fell upon him and as their eyes locked, Kyuhyun felt coldness clench around his heart. Never before had Sungmin ever looked at him in such a way - with no feelings, no thoughts, no warmth… no love. Kyuhyun felt his whole being be consumed with that blank look and felt everything shake painful from the apathy.
“That’s nice,” Sungmin said as if he were brushing it off. Slowly, his gaze wandered off as if his thoughts were leading him away from the hospital room and the two people who sat with him,
“Kyuhyun is actually your roommate,” Eeteuk spoke up, trying to draw back his attention,
“Oh,” was all Sungmin said as his eyes found fascination in the night sky outside his hospital room’s window.
Kyuhyun clenched his fists, digging his nails painfully into the palms of his hands. He pushed back the bile he felt rise within him and ignored the ice slashing through his heart accompanied by the burning pain in his chest. He stood from his chair and swiftly left the room.
“Get better soon, Sungmin-sshi,” Eeteuk said, almost pleadingly as he stood up,
Sungmin absent-mindedly nodded to him as Eeteuk followed his dongsaeng immediately.
Out in the hallway, Eeteuk found Kyuhyun as he smashed his fist into the wall.
“Kyuhyun-”
“How can he forget, Eeteuk? How can he forget EVERYTHING!?” Kyuhyun demanded as his fist shook against the wall. He leaned his forehead against the wall, shutting his eyes tightly against his hot tears,
“It happens, Kyu-sshi, it’s the amnesia-”
“But he forgot EVERYTHING,” Kyuhyun stated roughly, “Everything and everyone… I was… I was going to tell him today…”
Eeteuk tentatively placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, only to have Kyuhyun suddenly turn towards him and hug him tightly,
“I was going to tell him that I love him too… but … but how can I?” Kyuhyun choked as he shook violently with his tears, “How can I when he doesn’t even remember telling me that he loves me!?”
Eeteuk said nothing - could say nothing - as he held his dongsaeng. Instead, he held him tighter and prayed that things would get better.
…
After a few days, Sungmin left the hospital and was moved back into his dorm. Usually the patients would return home, however as the doctor prescribed, Sungmin was to slowly be reintroduced to his daily life and that included living at one of the Super Junior dorms.
“Home sweet home!” Yesung said with a flourish as he burst into the room Sungmin shared with Kyuhyun,
Kyuhyun, who had been sitting on his bed playing a video game, suddenly sat up straighter as he looked expectantly at the door. Sungmin walked in, his eyes looking all around at his surroundings as he tentatively walked further into the room and even going as far as sitting on his own bed.
“Oh, hi again,” Sungmin said easily as Yesung left the room. “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”
Kyuhyun felt his heart twist unbearably at the question and all warmth left him as he was looked at with that blank stare once more, “Kyuhyun…” he managed although his mouth had gone dry and all the words he couldn’t say were choking him. “My name is-”
“Yesung-sshi, wait up!” Sungmin interjected, jumping from his bed and sprinting out the door after the other member.
Kyuhyun suddenly felt it hard to breath. Throwing his hand-held game console onto the bed, he got up from his bed and walked over to one of the desks in the room. Against the wall several frames were leaning on the desk and he picked up one of him and Sungmin. It had been taken before Kyuhyun had left to join Super Junior-M in China. The smiling faces mocked him and when he heard Sungmin call after Yesung once more, he dropped the frame to the desk and gripped the edge of the table to keep himself from collapsing.
He felt his legs give way and fell to his knees. His body quivered with the cries he fought against, allowing the pain to silently suffocate him as once more he heard the love of his life call out for another man.
…
“I can cook!?” Sungmin gasped one evening.
Yesung, who was putting rice in the rice cooker, nodded, “You probably still can, according to what the doctors said.”
It had already been weeks since Sungmin’s accident and yet he showed no signs of getting any better or even retrieving any of his old memories. Kyuhyun walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, overhearing the startled exclamation from his hyung,
“Yeah, you’re a good cook,” Kyuhyun added as he closed the fridge and leaned his shoulder against it, slowly sipping his water,
Sungmin turned to face him, “I am?”
Kyuhyun nodded solemnly. A peculiar light entered his eyes as he gazed at Sungmin, “You would cook often for us - for me when I was too tired to make something on my own. You loved cooking,” Kyuhyun replied, his tone longing and a haunted look crossing the maknae’s face, “You loved food and making food, especially if it was to make someone smile.”
“Did I make a lot of people smile with my cooking?” Sungmin asked curiously, innocently as he stared at Kyuhyun with a lost wonder,
Kyuhyun gazed at him silently a moment before saying simply, “You didn’t have to cook to achieve that.” Kyuhyun glanced at Yesung behind Sungmin who nodded at him expectantly. Hesitantly, Kyuhyun closed the distance between him and Sungmin, “Min… Sungmin-sshi… this past February… you… you cooked me dinner for my birthday… And we had dinner - just the two of us.”
Sungmin stared at Kyuhyun, seriously contemplating his words. Kyuhyun felt his breath catch in his throat, his heart practically breaking his ribs. His fingers tightened around his glass of water as he silently willed Sungmin to remember, begged him to remember.
Suddenly, Sungmin spun around to face Yesung, “Did I cook dinner for all the members?” He asked.
Kyuhyun wanted to release his breath, but it was lodged in his throat. He tried to move, tried to walk - no, run away, but his legs wouldn’t move. He felt the hot tears stinging his eyes and he begged whatever higher power ruled the world would let him escape. Finally, his muscles began to stiffly move and he forced himself into a run, locking the bathroom door behind him. He moved to put his glass on the shelf above the sink, but the glass suddenly shattered in his hand.
As he let the glass shards spill to the sink, he turned towards the bathtub, turning on the water to give himself a front. He held his hand beneath the running water as he slouched against the rim of the tub, letting his cries suffocate him. When the blood began to run clear, he pulled his hand from the water and leaned back against the bathroom wall. He cradled his injured hand to his chest, bringing it closer to his injured heart.
…
Every morning, Kyuhyun found himself waking up with the sun. Ever since his accident, Sungmin had been waking up close to noon. For those five hour in which he was awake by himself, Kyuhyun sat in bed just watching Sungmin sleep.
He remembered the times when he would crawl into Sungmin’s bed and sleep beside his hyung, he could no longer do that. He remembered when they would stay up all night just talking, he could no longer do that. He remembered when he would wake up to see Sungmin’s smile, he could no longer do that either.
“Hurry back to Korea.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to tell you face-to-face that I love you.”
Kyuhyun had carried that phone conversation everywhere with him for the rest of his stay in China with Super Junior-M. It had given him an unknown strength and a constant happiness. Even now he still carried the memory with him, but all it left was pain.
Gingerly, Kyuhyun got up and slowly crossed the room to Sungmin’s bed and stood there, towering over his sleeping form. It was barely eight in the morning, Sungmin would not awaken for hours yet. He fell to his knees, sitting back on the heels of his feet as he watched Sungmin
“Do you even remember?” Kyuhyun asked quietly, “Do you remember that phone conversation? You told me three words then hung up before I could say anything back… and afterwards you never mentioned it again. Do you remember?”
Kyuhyun felt his heart stirring painfully, the ice that had frozen around it was cracking, but those shards were jagged and pierced him with a cold fierceness.
“Your words made me so happy, so light… I never thought I’d feel pain again,” Kyuhyun, who’s hands were on his knees, gripped them painfully, “I never thought after that moment that you could hurt me - would ever hurt me…”
He felt the tears sting his eyes, but he fought against them, trudging on, “And you have no idea what you’re doing to me. No idea how much it hurts to see you but you don’t see me. No idea how much it hurts to love you but you don’t love me. No idea how much it hurts to remember you because you don’t remember me.”
He felt his body rebel and swiped away angrily at his tears that trickled down his cheeks, “Why didn’t you take me with you? Why couldn’t I go with you when you forgot everything? Why am I the only one who’s left with the memories? Left with the pain? Why did you leave me to suffer alone!?” Kyuhyun demanded crouching over, his fists clenched against the floor, his tears wetting the wood beneath him.
“Kyuhyun-sshi? What are you doing on the floor?” Sungmin’s sleepy voice asked quietly,
Immediately, Kyuhyun dashed away his tears and stood up abruptly, turning away, “I dropped my phone and it slid under your bed, so I knelt down to get it. I have it now… I’m going to get breakfast,” he said in flat tones, letting all the words he wanted to scream at Sungmin, suffocate him. “Just… go back to sleep…” Kyuhyun forced out before stiffly exiting the room.
Sungmin watched him leave, confused. Something about his roommate seemed off but he couldn’t place it. He couldn’t place anything since that accident wiped his mind of everything. He sighed heavily as he prepared to go back to sleep when something caught his eye. He glanced towards the bedside table between their beds. There atop the small table was Kyuhyun’s phone.
…
Kyuhyun sat at the dining table, a bowl of cereal before him. One arm wrapped around his torso, his other hand idly stirred the spoon in the now mushy cereal. He had been sitting there for some time, his roommates barely making appearances that Sunday morning. Eunhyuk was in his room working on some lyrics for a new song for their upcoming album while Yesung went to the grocery store and Ryeowook was still fast asleep.
Suddenly, Sungmin padded out of the room and made a beeline for the couch. He sat there but did nothing, said nothing except for periodically glance towards Kyuhyun.
Finally, irritated enough already, Kyuhyun dropped his spoon and turned his stare towards the other member, “What, hyung?”
“Did… did I do something to you, Kyuhyun-sshi?” Sungmin asked hesitantly, that innocent and tentative curiosity he had adopted since the accident, ever-present in his voice.
“Why do you ask?” Kyuhyun questioned, startled at the dark tone in his words,
“I don’t know exactly… whenever we’re together I feel as if you’re wary of something… as if you’re expecting something,” Sungmin crossed his legs, tucking his feet beneath the opposite knee. He stared at his hands in his lap as if they were fascinating. He opened his mouth to say more, but then closed his mouth and remained silent.
“Maybe because I am wary… because I am expecting something,” Kyuhyun grounded out, “waiting for something…”
“What… what is it?” Sungmin asked, almost pleadingly as he looked up at Kyuhyun.
“What is it?” Kyuhyun got and walked over to Sungmin, towering over him, “What is it!? Damn it Sungmin - you cannot even comprehend how much I hurt right now! You should be able to - but you can’t!”
“You can’t blame me for my amnesia!” Sungmin defended, standing up suddenly, “I can’t help it!”
“I know that!” Kyuhyun ran his hands through his own hair out of frustration as he began to pace, “I know you can’t help it and yet… and yet I can’t help but STILL blame you because it isn’t something you should be able to forget.”
“What is it?” Sungmin asked, almost scared to know and clenching his fists at his sides,
“I love you, Sungmin,” Kyuhyun confessed, the strength and solidarity of his words belying his pounding heart and trembling body.
Sungmin felt the world fall away from him and allowed his body to fall back down onto the couch, his eyes glued to the floor.
“I have been in love with you for over a year and it was only a month before your accident that you confessed your love for me,” Kyuhyun managed, his mouth suddenly dry but his eyes suddenly very wet. “I used to see you… speak to you and I would feel the love, hear it…” He wrapped his arms around his torso in attempt to stop his body from shaking, “When I see you now and I feel nothing from you… my heart breaks every time and… and I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on.”
‘I… I had no idea,” Sungmin said finally as a silence fell upon the pair. However, he couldn’t find any strength within him to look Kyuhyun in the eye.
“No… you wouldn’t, would you?” Kyuhyun countered, his cynical words laced with a pain that even shook Sungmin’s soul. Kyuhyun turned to leave when he paused, his eyes veiled with tears but still on his hyung, “Just answer me this…” Kyuhyun took a deep, steadying breath in an attempt to still his voice, “Do you… do you remember a semblance of ever telling me that you love me?”
Sungmin closed his eyes, trying to search every corner within his mind, but like always, all he found was darkness.
“Look. At. Me,” Kyuhyun commanded, his voice wavering and cracking in all the wrong places.
Sungmin forced himself to look up at his dongsaeng and was met with an endless stream of tears. He found it hard to breath and hard to speak, but he knew he had to say something and he knew it had to be the truth; this person before him - before all others - would know if he was lying,
“DO YOU REMEMBER!?” Kyuhyun demanded suddenly, his voice loud yet soft and strong yet weak.
Immediately after the words left his mouth, his hands clamped down over his lips. For weeks he found it harder and harder to get up in the morning, to smile, to laugh - when was the last time he had laughed? Truly laughed? Happiness seemed a foreign concept to Kyuhyun and yet whenever he was with Sungmin - despite the deep ache in his heart and the coldness coursing through his veins - he saw a glimmer of hope that happiness was just within his reach. For weeks the pain ate away at him, consumed him but he had fought against it - until now.
“No,” Sungmin said quietly, hesitantly.
Kyuhyun suddenly felt his body lurch towards the dorm door. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his jacket, noticing that Eunhyuk and Ryeowook were now standing outside their respective rooms, worried. The door opened and Yesung came in, hands full of grocery bags. Immediately he had a question on his lips as he glanced between Sungmin and Kyuhyun. However, Kyuhyun pushed past him and ran from their home.
He ran into the stairwell and collapsed back against the heavy door, hugging his arms against himself as his body was overcome with a bitter cold pain. The pain started in his chest as if ice slashed through his heart. It grew spindles that made their way throughout his body, encasing everything, imprisoning everything. He felt his chest tighten, his lungs unable to take in air. He felt the door at his back nudge him.
Suddenly, he had a pair of arms wrap around him and heard Eunhyuk’s voice in his ear, trying to soothe the pain that rocked him. He fought against his hyung’s hold, trying to run away, but Eunhyuk held him fast. Finally, Kyuhyun stopped fighting, not having any more strength within him. All he knew was cold hollowness.
…
It was closing in on evening when Kyuhyun returned to the dorm alone, Eunhyuk having to meet Donghae at the dance studio. He prayed that he would be alone, but of course, fate was oft more cruel than kind. He came home to a dorm empty except for Yesung and Sungmin who sat opposite one another at the dining table.
As he hung his jacket back in the closet adjacent to the front door and slipped off his shoes, Yesung came and approached him.
“Talk to him,” Yesung said simply before continuing on down the hall and disappearing into his bedroom.
Kyuhyun turned to retreat to his own bedroom when Sungmin called after him. He sighed heavily and turned back. Sungmin closed the distance between them and then suddenly fell to his knees, his entire body bowed so low his forehead practically kissed the floorboards.
“Kyuhyun, I’m sorry… I really am,” Sungmin blurted out, “I felt I did something to you but I never imagined in my life it was even a fraction of the pain you must have felt - be feeling…”
As Kyuhyun stared at Sungmin’s arched back he felt some triumph over the one who abandoned him but it was short lived. Almost immediately, it was replaced with that familiar hollowness and the tears he could no longer cry now cradled the shattered remnants of his heart.
“Get… up…” Kyuhyun breathed, his voice shaking, “Get off your knees, Sungmin…”
Hesitantly, Sungmin uncurled his body, straightening to his full height. “I wish I could say something, anything that could help you,” he reached for Kyuhyun’s hand but the moment their hands touched, Kyuhyun retracted his hand as if burnt. Sungmin turned away, walking towards the living room, “I wish I could do anything but I honestly can’t remember anything. I look and look and all I ever find are holes in my mind.”
Sungmin ran his hands through his hair as he approached the balcony doors, “Places… dates… events… people - I can’t remember any of it. I try and I try and I… I just can’t.” He took a steadying breath as he closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the cool glass of the balcony doors.
“I want you to remember, Sungmin; possibly more than you want to remember,” Kyuhyun admitted quietly as he slowly padded across the living room, “but every time I feel my love not being reciprocated, I feel myself break a little more each time.”
“I can’t remember my parents or even my brother… and yet I want to remember you above all others,” Sungmin insisted, his voice quiet and sincere, “I cannot remember you and yet… yet I feel like I have to. Before earlier, before any conversation we’ve had since my accident… since the moment I first heard your name, I felt this… this yearning to know more.” Sungmin breathed steadily, the glass fogging from his warm breath, “That first night when you introduced yourself to me, I was curious with this sudden feeling that overcame me. It was peculiar and strange and… and consumed my attention to the point of distraction. I didn’t understand it and didn’t pay attention to others that evening as much as I should have…”
Sungmin slowly turned around to face Kyuhyun, startled to find him just a few inches away from himself.
“But the more I was around you, the more frequent that feeling came to me. I didn’t understand it and it scared me,” Sungmin confessed, “I sought out Yesung’s company - anyone’s company - in attempt to see if the feeling transferred itself to when I was with others and yet… it didn’t. It never did.” With a courage he barely held onto, Sungmin locked eyes with Kyuhyun’s, “After what you told me earlier, it suddenly makes sense… Kyuhyun, I mind may not remember, but my body does… and from the pain I always feel here whenever I’m with you,” he gingerly raised his own hand to lay over his own chest, “My heart remembers you.”
Slowly, his hand fell to his side, “But… but I don’t want you to have to wait for my mind to remember.”
“I said before I didn’t know how much longer I could go on,” Kyuhyun reminded softly as his hand went to Sungmin’s face, cradling the side gently, “But it doesn’t mean I’m going to quit, Min… I’m going to wait until there’s nothing left of me.”
“And when that happens?” Sungmin asked, hesitantly, his heart doing its familiar speedy dance,
“Then I’ll continue to wait for you to build me back up again,” Kyuhyun replied simply as his other hand came and held the other side of his hyung’s face.
“Kyuhyun…” Sungmin barely managed, his strength and last wisp of courage leaving him beneath the hard stare of his dongsaeng,
“I can’t not love you,” Kyuhyun stated simply, softly and sternly, “It’s impossible.”
“I’m trying,” Sungmin said, almost pleadingly as an indescribable ache spread throughout his body, “I’m trying so hard to remember… to come back to you!”
His voice above a whisper, Kyuhyun promised before touching his lips to Sungmin’s, “I’ll be waiting.”
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
[002] Ryeowook's Gift
theme: oo2. Christmas.
pair: Heechul/Ryeowook
rate: G
words: 3358
#: 76/100
It was the first week of December and Super Junior was still running high on their 3rd year anniversary from the beginning of November. In commemoration of their anniversary, the management decided to agree on giving them a longer holiday break that Christmas. Usually, the thirteen members of Super Junior were given a three day reprieve for December, the 24th to the 26th. This year, however, they were given an extended holiday from their otherwise, packed and busy schedules: two weeks.
Such a holiday was almost unheard of in the entertainment industry, with radio shows, variety shows, performances, studio time, rehearsals - to name a few. To say the members were ecstatic would be a grave underestimation.
In one of the dorms, it seemed like the phone was never on the hook, each member in the dorm calling their respective families, informing them of the impending two week holiday.
Heechul left his room and headed over to the kitchen, making a quick sandwich as he went.
“Phone’s by the computer,” Eeteuk called out as he entered the dorm.
Heechul glanced towards the living room just as Ryeowook ran towards the computer and picked up the phone, “What’s going on?” Heechul asked, as he put away the ingredients for his sandwich and sat at the dining table, his sandwich on a plate before him,
“Eunhyuk was hogging the phone,” Eeteuk explained as Ryeowook began talking on the dorm phone,
“Why?” Heechul questioned before taking a hearty bite of his sandwich,
“He was making plans with Junsu-sshi to hang out when he comes home from Japan for their holiday,” Ryeowook said as he hung up the phone, “What about you Heechul-sshi? Are you going home for the holiday?”
“My parents are going to a wedding in America,” Heechul answered simply as he quickly devoured his sandwich,
“What about your sister?” Eeteuk asked, sitting on the couch, “Inyoung mentioned hoping to see Heejin this holiday.”
Heechul stood up and brought his plate to the sink, “Heejin wants to get a head-start on exams this holiday, so she’s staying in Seoul, but the most I’ll see her is on Christmas,” as he left the kitchen, he paused, noticing Eeteuk and Ryeowook’s stares, “What?”
“So… you’re spending the holiday alone?” Ryeowook asked hesitantly,
Heechul raised an eyebrow as he ran a hand through his short hair, “Not truly. I have other friends I can contact. And like I said, I’ll be with Heejin on Christmas.”
“Heechul-hyung,” Ryeowook began, standing up slowly from the computer,
“Ah,” Heechul glanced at his wristwatch, “I’m going to be late for rehearsal at the theatre. I’ll see you later,” he ran to the door, slipped on his winter coat and shoes and left swiftly.
As the door closed behind him, Ryeowook looked at the leader of Super Junior, “Hyung…”
“You know how Heechul is,” Eeteuk said as he picked up a remote and started watching the television, “When he’s ready to say something, he will. Until then we shouldn’t assume otherwise.”
“But-”
“Ryeowook, trust me,” Eeteuk insisted, glancing away from the television and landing a hard gaze at his dongsaeng, “Fretting over Heechul when he doesn’t want you to will only annoy him.”
Ryeowook sighed heavily as he nodded and took a seat on the couch beside his hyung. His mind, however, was on a different hyung who had just left a few moments ago.
…
The second week of December, Ryeowook and Heechul were appearing on Eeteuk and Eunhyuk’s radio show. Throughout the show, Ryeowook who sat beside Eunhyuk kept glancing at Heechul who sat beside Eeteuk. Finally, during a commercial, Heechul turned his chair until he was completely facing his dongsaeng,
“Okay Ryeowook, what is it?” Heechul asked, almost annoyed.
“Are you still not doing anything for the break?” Ryeowook asked hesitantly,
Heechul raised a suspicious eyebrow, “I told you already, I’ll be with Heejin at some point.”
“But that’s one day out of a two week holiday,” Ryeowook protested.
During their conversation, Eunhyuk and Eeteuk looked up from their notes and laptop respectively, curiously listening to the scene taking place before them,
“I told you it’s fine-”
“But it’s not!” Ryeowook argued firmly, eyes narrowed.
Heechul was taken aback, along with the other two Super Junior members present. Ryeowook was hardly ever extroverted, especially towards his hyungs.
“It’s NOT fine,” Ryeowook repeated with emphasis, “It’s one of the times of the year when a person shouldn’t be alone and you’re alone for 13 out of 14 days during that time and -”
“What do you expect me to do!?” Heechul challenged, crossing his arms loosely about his torso, “Force my sister to NOT study for her exams? Beg my parents to come back to Korea to spend a few days with me? Even better - I should go fly over to America and join then.”
Over the years, Ryeowook learned how to not let Heechul’s sardonic tones affect him too much. But Ryeowook loved Christmas and the winter holiday. He loved spending time with his family during that time and the fact that Heechul was acting so nonchalant about being alone during that holiday season, bothered him beyond reason. So, hearing the sarcasm drip from each word out of Heechul’s mouth, Ryeowook got angry,
“How can you not care?” Ryeowook demanded, jumping to his feet, “How can you be unmoved by the fact you’re spending the holiday alone!?”
Heechul stared at him silently for a moment. Eunhyuk and Eeteuk gaped at Ryeowook, their gazes moving between the two,
“Ryeowook - he’s your hyung!” Eunhyuk reminded almost immediately, hearing the rare disrespect escaping the younger member,
Ryeowook stared - no, glared - at Heechul for a minute longer before dropping back down into his chair, his eyes dropping to the papers before him on the table.
“Ryeowook,” Eunhyuk urged, glancing at Heechul,
“Spend Christmas with me and my family and I’ll apologize for being rude,” Ryeowook said suddenly, locking eyes with Heechul,
“Ryeowook…” Heechul sighed exasperatedly,
“At least Christmas-eve dinner,” Ryeowook said, all hardness gone and an almost pleading tone in his words, “It’s all I ask.”
Before Heechul could answer, they were cued out of commercial. As Eunhyuk and Eeteuk continued the radio show, Ryeowook continued to stare at his hyung expectantly. As Heechul adjusted the headphones over his ears, he gave a curt nod before turning his attention away; but that nod was all Ryeowook had wanted and spent the rest of the time, smiling.
…
It was the third Monday of December and the last week before Super Junior began their two-week holiday. However, just after noon, the members of Super Junior were called to the S.M. Entertainment main building immediately for an impromptu meeting. As the members slowly filed in, they realized immediately that one of their own had been in the board room long before that call for a meeting was made.
Heechul sat near the head of the table with the manager hyungs. He sat nonchalantly, his arms crossed loosely, his eyes skimming over sheets of paper that sat before him. Upon seeing Heechul’s manner, the others took seats other than the seat right beside him. So, when Ryeowook and Yesung came last, coming from Yesung’s radio show, Ryeowook was the one who sat beside Heechul.
“So, this is your last week of schedule before your break,” One of the managers began, “We wanted to wish you all happy holidays in case we aren’t able to later this week.”
“Also,” another manager began, “We received some information today and after speaking with Heechul-sshi, we’ve called you all here today.”
Ryeowook glanced at Heechul who sat beside him. Although he had his arms crossed, Ryeowook saw his fisted hands, clenched so tight his knuckles were white.
“As you all remember, two years ago, Heechul got in an accident,” the second manager continued, “The doctors have been waiting for a time where Heechul can get the third and final surgery to remove the remaining five roads in his leg and this up-coming holiday seems to be the right time - for the surgeon team and for Heechul, himself.”
As if in disbelief, the other members looked at Heechul, but he merely gave a slight nod before turning his head slightly to look at the snowing sky through a window.
“When does it take place? When we all leave for the holiday?” Eeteuk spoke up, slipping into his role of leader,
“The twenty-fourth,” a third manager answered, checking his papers for reassurance, “Yes, so next Wednesday.”
After a few more words, the manager hyungs excused themselves, leaving the members to talk amongst themselves.
“Look, it’s not that big a deal,” Heechul said finally, turning in his chair to look at the other members. His eyes casually swept over the other twelve, “I’ve had surgeries before because of the accident, and this is just another one. Hopefully after this one, there won’t be any more - but it is NOT a big deal.”
“Then why would the managers call a meeting when you could’ve easily just told us?” Shindong asked from down the table,
“They were going to call this meeting anyways and I saw it as an opportunity to tell you all at the same time,” Heechul shrugged, “I’m telling you guys, it’s not a big-”
“So this means you’re spending the ENTIRE holiday alone,” Ryeowook interjected then, eyes narrowing slightly at his hyung,
Heechul rolled his eyes, “I already talked to my parents and Heejin. My sister will be with me before I go into surgery and she’ll be with me the next day as well. My parents will call as often as possible - really, it’s nothing different than what was going to happen without the surgery.”
“But-”
“Ryeowook, just stop!” Heechul exclaimed, getting to his feet, his eyes bearing down on the younger member,
“Heechul.”
Heechul looked across the table to where Hankyung sat. Eyes narrowed, the Chinese member of Super Junior shook his head disapprovingly at his hyung. Heechul sighed heavily, running his fingers through his short black hair. He muttered his excuses and left the board room immediately.
Slowly, the other members left, when Ryeowook moved to leave, Hankyung called out to him, asking him to wait a moment. When they were finally alone, Hankyung approached the younger member,
“You’re upset,” Hankyung stated,
“Of course I am,” Ryeowook sighed, crossing his arms, “The holiday season is a time to spend with your family and the ones you love. Because of circumstances, Heechul can’t and he’s acting as if it’s nothing-”
“But maybe it’s nothing to him?” Hankyung suggested,
“But I don’t understand, why would anyone want to be alone during this time of year? Especially in a dorm alone?’ Ryeowook questioned,
“Ryeowook, you have to remember that Heechul isn’t you and you are not Heechul,” Hankyung said softly, sternly, “If he’s lonely - then he’s lonely. If he’s not, then he’s not. But depending on how he presents himself, if you keep contradicting him based on your beliefs it’s going to not only strain your relationship with Heechul, but it’s going to strain him as well.”
“I just… wanted to be a good dongsaeng,” Ryeowook muttered,
“And you have been,” Hankyung replied, “You have always been a good dongsaeng to us. Heechul knows you’re worried for him and he appreciates it. But if he doesn’t welcome any more than that, then don’t press him.”
Ryeowook nodded reluctantly. With a small smile from his hyung, Ryeowook and Hankyung left together.
…
That Saturday was approaching fast. The members of Super Junior finished up their schedules, satisfied and eager for their two week reprieve. As they finished up their schedules that Friday, twelve of them began packing and preparing to depart from their respective dorms the next day.
It was just after midnight on Saturday when Heechul left his room to get a dish of milk for Heebum who woke him up from his peaceful sleep. Having someone watch television late at night wasn’t a rare occurrence in the dorm that Heechul lived in. So, he was almost completely in the kitchen before he paused and looked back at the person watching television that evening,
“Ryeowook? What are you doing in our dorm?” Heechul questioned, startled,
“Yesung was packing earlier and in packing he managed to transfer all of his belongings from the closet to my bed,” Ryeowook replied as he lay on the couch, his eyes drooping already from fatigue,
“And the couch in your dorm?” Heechul inquired as he continued into the kitchen, pulling out a small sauce pan and the milk from the fridge,
“Yesung managed to cover his bed AND my bed with his stuff - so he’s on the couch,” Ryeowook yawned, “But, I actually wanted to talk to you hyung,”
Heechul paused in the archway that separated the kitchen from the living room, a small saucepan filled with milk in his hand, “Oh?”
“About the vacation-”
“Ryeowook,” Heechul began exasperatedly,
“Just, hear me out,” Ryeowook persisted, sitting up, “I talked to Hankyung-hyung and he made me realize that just because I think the holiday should be a certain way doesn’t mean you think the same thing. So, I’m going to back off.”
Heechul gave him a peculiar look before offering a small smile, “Thank you. Goodnight, Ryeowook,”
“Night hyung,” Ryeowook called after him as he laid back down on the couch.
Heechul paused outside his single room, his hand clenched around the doorknob, “Ryeowook?” He heard the soft reply from his dongsaeng, “For what it’s worth… our thinking isn’t so different.” And before Ryeowook could reply, Heechul slipped into his room, closing the door firmly behind him.
…
Heechul ran a hand through his hair as he sat in the hospital bed, dressed in a gown, awaiting for his surgery. It was scheduled for six in the evening on the twenty-fourth of December. Accounting for the anaesthesia, he knew he would wake up the next morning.
Heejin put down the phone in the room as she turned in her chair to face her brother, “Mom and Dad had to leave for the wedding. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to them before the surgery?”
Heechul shook his head, “Mom will just get sentimental and I don’t know how to talk to her when she does get like that. And if I talk to Dad and not Mom, she’ll get even more sentimental.”
Heejin laughed softly, knowingly as she tucked a strand of hair behind her hair, “You’ll be fine.”
“I never thought otherwise,” Heechul replied simply,
“Well, regardless, I’ll be here when you wake up from your surgery,” Heejin assured him, “The doctor said you should be out of it for quite a few hours, so it’ll be morning by then.”
When Heechul came to be collected for the surgery, he stopped the attendants before he was out of the room, “Heejin,”
She looked over at him as she swung her purse strap onto her shoulder, “Yes?”
“Would you… is it okay if you stayed the night with me?” Heechul asked hesitantly, almost awkwardly,
Heejin blinked, startled. She opened her mouth to reply but found her voice gone. So, instead, she nodded, offering an assuring smile to her younger brother. She watched in her shocked silence as her brother left.
…
Sunlight peaked through the closed blinds in Heechul’s hospital room. His eyes fluttered open as the grogginess slowly cleared from his mind. Lying in his bed, he slowly moved his head from side to side, absorbing his surroundings, remembering where he was and why.
The bathroom door opened and his sister appeared, pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she walked over to him. She sat in one of two chairs that sat by Heechul’s bedside,
“Morning sunshine,” She smiled at him as she crossed one knee over the other, “How do you feel?”
“Unbelievably tired,” Heechul murmured as he found the controller for his bed and slowly raised the upper half so he was almost sitting, “But starving.”
“Ah, that’s good to hear,” she gestured to the bedside table.
There on the table was a plastic bag filled with small plastic containers, “You hate cooking,” Heechul stated, disbelieving,
Heejin laughed, “I didn’t cook it. Ryeowook brought it in.”
“What?” Heechul gaped,
“Just after you left, Ryeowook came running in with that bag of food,” Heejin explained as she then gestured to the second chair beside her, “Then he stayed here all night.”
“But…” Heechul paused as the door opened and Ryeowook entered with two Styrofoam cups of coffee, “I don’t… understand.”
“I’ll let him explain,” Heejin said simply as she accepted the cup Ryeowook offered her, “I’m going to walk a bit and stretch my legs,” She explained as she got up and quickly excused herself.
Heechul watched quietly as Ryeowook placed his own cup on the table then took one of the other chairs. Finally he looked up at Heechul with a smile, “Morning, hyung.”
“Ryeowook, what are you doing here?” Heechul asked bluntly,
“You said you’d have Christmas eve dinner with my family,” Ryeowook answered, “Since I knew you couldn’t come, I thought I’d bring the dinner to you. My parents send their regards.”
“But… you knew I wouldn’t have been able to eat it… and you stayed,” Heechul gaped, still unable to wrap his mind around the situation,
“Still,” Ryeowook shrugged, “And besides, no one should be alone during the holidays. I know you said it wasn’t a big deal that everyone was going away for the holiday except for you, but it was a big deal for me. When we found out that you’d be in the hospital on Christmas, I knew I couldn’t just stay home and my family understands.”
Heechul listened intently and felt an odd clenching around his heart at his dongsaeng’s words. He felt a lump form in his throat and a stinging behind his eyes. He preoccupied himself by reaching over and getting the plastic bag from the bedside table, fighting the tears and hiding them from his dongsaeng. However, his gratefulness only doubled when he looked into the bag and saw the containers within. Atop each container held a taped on piece of paper that held the same greeting from Ryeowook’s parents, greeting Heechul and wishing him the best.
He swallowed hard and composed himself as best he can as he looked up and smiled at his dongsaeng, “Thank… Thank you.”
“Are you feeling well enough to take a ride in your wheelchair?” Ryeowook asked.
Heechul eyed the contraption on the other side of the room. He was to use it for a few weeks as his leg got used to being without the support of the rods. He nodded and Ryeowook brought it over, gingerly helping Heechul into it.
“Where are we going?” Heechul asked curiously, “You’re not kidnapping me, are you?”
Ryeowook let out a melodic laugh, “No, but since you’re only allowed two visitors at a time in your room, the others had to sleep in the waiting room.”
“Others?” Heechul questioned as Ryeowook pushed him out of the room,
“While you were in surgery, I called the others to tell them a status report of your surgery and when it was done and how I planned to stay here,” Ryeowook explained simply as they went down the hall, nearing the waiting room, “Before your surgery was done the others showed up, but the staff wouldn’t allow more than two in your room.”
Heechul felt his heart almost break at hearing of the actions of his members. As Ryeowook rolled him into the waiting room, half of the members still asleep, the others pacing around, he couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at his lips. He felt Ryeowook’s small hand clasp on his shoulder supportively.
Heechul reached for Ryeowook’s hand and as he pried it from his shoulder, held it firmly in his hand. Heechul pulled Ryeowook into a tentative embrace,
“Merry Christmas Ryeowook.”
Ryeowook shook his head as he broke the embrace as the others slowly surrounded them, “No - you, hyung - Merry Christmas.”
pair: Heechul/Ryeowook
rate: G
words: 3358
#: 76/100
It was the first week of December and Super Junior was still running high on their 3rd year anniversary from the beginning of November. In commemoration of their anniversary, the management decided to agree on giving them a longer holiday break that Christmas. Usually, the thirteen members of Super Junior were given a three day reprieve for December, the 24th to the 26th. This year, however, they were given an extended holiday from their otherwise, packed and busy schedules: two weeks.
Such a holiday was almost unheard of in the entertainment industry, with radio shows, variety shows, performances, studio time, rehearsals - to name a few. To say the members were ecstatic would be a grave underestimation.
In one of the dorms, it seemed like the phone was never on the hook, each member in the dorm calling their respective families, informing them of the impending two week holiday.
Heechul left his room and headed over to the kitchen, making a quick sandwich as he went.
“Phone’s by the computer,” Eeteuk called out as he entered the dorm.
Heechul glanced towards the living room just as Ryeowook ran towards the computer and picked up the phone, “What’s going on?” Heechul asked, as he put away the ingredients for his sandwich and sat at the dining table, his sandwich on a plate before him,
“Eunhyuk was hogging the phone,” Eeteuk explained as Ryeowook began talking on the dorm phone,
“Why?” Heechul questioned before taking a hearty bite of his sandwich,
“He was making plans with Junsu-sshi to hang out when he comes home from Japan for their holiday,” Ryeowook said as he hung up the phone, “What about you Heechul-sshi? Are you going home for the holiday?”
“My parents are going to a wedding in America,” Heechul answered simply as he quickly devoured his sandwich,
“What about your sister?” Eeteuk asked, sitting on the couch, “Inyoung mentioned hoping to see Heejin this holiday.”
Heechul stood up and brought his plate to the sink, “Heejin wants to get a head-start on exams this holiday, so she’s staying in Seoul, but the most I’ll see her is on Christmas,” as he left the kitchen, he paused, noticing Eeteuk and Ryeowook’s stares, “What?”
“So… you’re spending the holiday alone?” Ryeowook asked hesitantly,
Heechul raised an eyebrow as he ran a hand through his short hair, “Not truly. I have other friends I can contact. And like I said, I’ll be with Heejin on Christmas.”
“Heechul-hyung,” Ryeowook began, standing up slowly from the computer,
“Ah,” Heechul glanced at his wristwatch, “I’m going to be late for rehearsal at the theatre. I’ll see you later,” he ran to the door, slipped on his winter coat and shoes and left swiftly.
As the door closed behind him, Ryeowook looked at the leader of Super Junior, “Hyung…”
“You know how Heechul is,” Eeteuk said as he picked up a remote and started watching the television, “When he’s ready to say something, he will. Until then we shouldn’t assume otherwise.”
“But-”
“Ryeowook, trust me,” Eeteuk insisted, glancing away from the television and landing a hard gaze at his dongsaeng, “Fretting over Heechul when he doesn’t want you to will only annoy him.”
Ryeowook sighed heavily as he nodded and took a seat on the couch beside his hyung. His mind, however, was on a different hyung who had just left a few moments ago.
…
The second week of December, Ryeowook and Heechul were appearing on Eeteuk and Eunhyuk’s radio show. Throughout the show, Ryeowook who sat beside Eunhyuk kept glancing at Heechul who sat beside Eeteuk. Finally, during a commercial, Heechul turned his chair until he was completely facing his dongsaeng,
“Okay Ryeowook, what is it?” Heechul asked, almost annoyed.
“Are you still not doing anything for the break?” Ryeowook asked hesitantly,
Heechul raised a suspicious eyebrow, “I told you already, I’ll be with Heejin at some point.”
“But that’s one day out of a two week holiday,” Ryeowook protested.
During their conversation, Eunhyuk and Eeteuk looked up from their notes and laptop respectively, curiously listening to the scene taking place before them,
“I told you it’s fine-”
“But it’s not!” Ryeowook argued firmly, eyes narrowed.
Heechul was taken aback, along with the other two Super Junior members present. Ryeowook was hardly ever extroverted, especially towards his hyungs.
“It’s NOT fine,” Ryeowook repeated with emphasis, “It’s one of the times of the year when a person shouldn’t be alone and you’re alone for 13 out of 14 days during that time and -”
“What do you expect me to do!?” Heechul challenged, crossing his arms loosely about his torso, “Force my sister to NOT study for her exams? Beg my parents to come back to Korea to spend a few days with me? Even better - I should go fly over to America and join then.”
Over the years, Ryeowook learned how to not let Heechul’s sardonic tones affect him too much. But Ryeowook loved Christmas and the winter holiday. He loved spending time with his family during that time and the fact that Heechul was acting so nonchalant about being alone during that holiday season, bothered him beyond reason. So, hearing the sarcasm drip from each word out of Heechul’s mouth, Ryeowook got angry,
“How can you not care?” Ryeowook demanded, jumping to his feet, “How can you be unmoved by the fact you’re spending the holiday alone!?”
Heechul stared at him silently for a moment. Eunhyuk and Eeteuk gaped at Ryeowook, their gazes moving between the two,
“Ryeowook - he’s your hyung!” Eunhyuk reminded almost immediately, hearing the rare disrespect escaping the younger member,
Ryeowook stared - no, glared - at Heechul for a minute longer before dropping back down into his chair, his eyes dropping to the papers before him on the table.
“Ryeowook,” Eunhyuk urged, glancing at Heechul,
“Spend Christmas with me and my family and I’ll apologize for being rude,” Ryeowook said suddenly, locking eyes with Heechul,
“Ryeowook…” Heechul sighed exasperatedly,
“At least Christmas-eve dinner,” Ryeowook said, all hardness gone and an almost pleading tone in his words, “It’s all I ask.”
Before Heechul could answer, they were cued out of commercial. As Eunhyuk and Eeteuk continued the radio show, Ryeowook continued to stare at his hyung expectantly. As Heechul adjusted the headphones over his ears, he gave a curt nod before turning his attention away; but that nod was all Ryeowook had wanted and spent the rest of the time, smiling.
…
It was the third Monday of December and the last week before Super Junior began their two-week holiday. However, just after noon, the members of Super Junior were called to the S.M. Entertainment main building immediately for an impromptu meeting. As the members slowly filed in, they realized immediately that one of their own had been in the board room long before that call for a meeting was made.
Heechul sat near the head of the table with the manager hyungs. He sat nonchalantly, his arms crossed loosely, his eyes skimming over sheets of paper that sat before him. Upon seeing Heechul’s manner, the others took seats other than the seat right beside him. So, when Ryeowook and Yesung came last, coming from Yesung’s radio show, Ryeowook was the one who sat beside Heechul.
“So, this is your last week of schedule before your break,” One of the managers began, “We wanted to wish you all happy holidays in case we aren’t able to later this week.”
“Also,” another manager began, “We received some information today and after speaking with Heechul-sshi, we’ve called you all here today.”
Ryeowook glanced at Heechul who sat beside him. Although he had his arms crossed, Ryeowook saw his fisted hands, clenched so tight his knuckles were white.
“As you all remember, two years ago, Heechul got in an accident,” the second manager continued, “The doctors have been waiting for a time where Heechul can get the third and final surgery to remove the remaining five roads in his leg and this up-coming holiday seems to be the right time - for the surgeon team and for Heechul, himself.”
As if in disbelief, the other members looked at Heechul, but he merely gave a slight nod before turning his head slightly to look at the snowing sky through a window.
“When does it take place? When we all leave for the holiday?” Eeteuk spoke up, slipping into his role of leader,
“The twenty-fourth,” a third manager answered, checking his papers for reassurance, “Yes, so next Wednesday.”
After a few more words, the manager hyungs excused themselves, leaving the members to talk amongst themselves.
“Look, it’s not that big a deal,” Heechul said finally, turning in his chair to look at the other members. His eyes casually swept over the other twelve, “I’ve had surgeries before because of the accident, and this is just another one. Hopefully after this one, there won’t be any more - but it is NOT a big deal.”
“Then why would the managers call a meeting when you could’ve easily just told us?” Shindong asked from down the table,
“They were going to call this meeting anyways and I saw it as an opportunity to tell you all at the same time,” Heechul shrugged, “I’m telling you guys, it’s not a big-”
“So this means you’re spending the ENTIRE holiday alone,” Ryeowook interjected then, eyes narrowing slightly at his hyung,
Heechul rolled his eyes, “I already talked to my parents and Heejin. My sister will be with me before I go into surgery and she’ll be with me the next day as well. My parents will call as often as possible - really, it’s nothing different than what was going to happen without the surgery.”
“But-”
“Ryeowook, just stop!” Heechul exclaimed, getting to his feet, his eyes bearing down on the younger member,
“Heechul.”
Heechul looked across the table to where Hankyung sat. Eyes narrowed, the Chinese member of Super Junior shook his head disapprovingly at his hyung. Heechul sighed heavily, running his fingers through his short black hair. He muttered his excuses and left the board room immediately.
Slowly, the other members left, when Ryeowook moved to leave, Hankyung called out to him, asking him to wait a moment. When they were finally alone, Hankyung approached the younger member,
“You’re upset,” Hankyung stated,
“Of course I am,” Ryeowook sighed, crossing his arms, “The holiday season is a time to spend with your family and the ones you love. Because of circumstances, Heechul can’t and he’s acting as if it’s nothing-”
“But maybe it’s nothing to him?” Hankyung suggested,
“But I don’t understand, why would anyone want to be alone during this time of year? Especially in a dorm alone?’ Ryeowook questioned,
“Ryeowook, you have to remember that Heechul isn’t you and you are not Heechul,” Hankyung said softly, sternly, “If he’s lonely - then he’s lonely. If he’s not, then he’s not. But depending on how he presents himself, if you keep contradicting him based on your beliefs it’s going to not only strain your relationship with Heechul, but it’s going to strain him as well.”
“I just… wanted to be a good dongsaeng,” Ryeowook muttered,
“And you have been,” Hankyung replied, “You have always been a good dongsaeng to us. Heechul knows you’re worried for him and he appreciates it. But if he doesn’t welcome any more than that, then don’t press him.”
Ryeowook nodded reluctantly. With a small smile from his hyung, Ryeowook and Hankyung left together.
…
That Saturday was approaching fast. The members of Super Junior finished up their schedules, satisfied and eager for their two week reprieve. As they finished up their schedules that Friday, twelve of them began packing and preparing to depart from their respective dorms the next day.
It was just after midnight on Saturday when Heechul left his room to get a dish of milk for Heebum who woke him up from his peaceful sleep. Having someone watch television late at night wasn’t a rare occurrence in the dorm that Heechul lived in. So, he was almost completely in the kitchen before he paused and looked back at the person watching television that evening,
“Ryeowook? What are you doing in our dorm?” Heechul questioned, startled,
“Yesung was packing earlier and in packing he managed to transfer all of his belongings from the closet to my bed,” Ryeowook replied as he lay on the couch, his eyes drooping already from fatigue,
“And the couch in your dorm?” Heechul inquired as he continued into the kitchen, pulling out a small sauce pan and the milk from the fridge,
“Yesung managed to cover his bed AND my bed with his stuff - so he’s on the couch,” Ryeowook yawned, “But, I actually wanted to talk to you hyung,”
Heechul paused in the archway that separated the kitchen from the living room, a small saucepan filled with milk in his hand, “Oh?”
“About the vacation-”
“Ryeowook,” Heechul began exasperatedly,
“Just, hear me out,” Ryeowook persisted, sitting up, “I talked to Hankyung-hyung and he made me realize that just because I think the holiday should be a certain way doesn’t mean you think the same thing. So, I’m going to back off.”
Heechul gave him a peculiar look before offering a small smile, “Thank you. Goodnight, Ryeowook,”
“Night hyung,” Ryeowook called after him as he laid back down on the couch.
Heechul paused outside his single room, his hand clenched around the doorknob, “Ryeowook?” He heard the soft reply from his dongsaeng, “For what it’s worth… our thinking isn’t so different.” And before Ryeowook could reply, Heechul slipped into his room, closing the door firmly behind him.
…
Heechul ran a hand through his hair as he sat in the hospital bed, dressed in a gown, awaiting for his surgery. It was scheduled for six in the evening on the twenty-fourth of December. Accounting for the anaesthesia, he knew he would wake up the next morning.
Heejin put down the phone in the room as she turned in her chair to face her brother, “Mom and Dad had to leave for the wedding. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to them before the surgery?”
Heechul shook his head, “Mom will just get sentimental and I don’t know how to talk to her when she does get like that. And if I talk to Dad and not Mom, she’ll get even more sentimental.”
Heejin laughed softly, knowingly as she tucked a strand of hair behind her hair, “You’ll be fine.”
“I never thought otherwise,” Heechul replied simply,
“Well, regardless, I’ll be here when you wake up from your surgery,” Heejin assured him, “The doctor said you should be out of it for quite a few hours, so it’ll be morning by then.”
When Heechul came to be collected for the surgery, he stopped the attendants before he was out of the room, “Heejin,”
She looked over at him as she swung her purse strap onto her shoulder, “Yes?”
“Would you… is it okay if you stayed the night with me?” Heechul asked hesitantly, almost awkwardly,
Heejin blinked, startled. She opened her mouth to reply but found her voice gone. So, instead, she nodded, offering an assuring smile to her younger brother. She watched in her shocked silence as her brother left.
…
Sunlight peaked through the closed blinds in Heechul’s hospital room. His eyes fluttered open as the grogginess slowly cleared from his mind. Lying in his bed, he slowly moved his head from side to side, absorbing his surroundings, remembering where he was and why.
The bathroom door opened and his sister appeared, pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she walked over to him. She sat in one of two chairs that sat by Heechul’s bedside,
“Morning sunshine,” She smiled at him as she crossed one knee over the other, “How do you feel?”
“Unbelievably tired,” Heechul murmured as he found the controller for his bed and slowly raised the upper half so he was almost sitting, “But starving.”
“Ah, that’s good to hear,” she gestured to the bedside table.
There on the table was a plastic bag filled with small plastic containers, “You hate cooking,” Heechul stated, disbelieving,
Heejin laughed, “I didn’t cook it. Ryeowook brought it in.”
“What?” Heechul gaped,
“Just after you left, Ryeowook came running in with that bag of food,” Heejin explained as she then gestured to the second chair beside her, “Then he stayed here all night.”
“But…” Heechul paused as the door opened and Ryeowook entered with two Styrofoam cups of coffee, “I don’t… understand.”
“I’ll let him explain,” Heejin said simply as she accepted the cup Ryeowook offered her, “I’m going to walk a bit and stretch my legs,” She explained as she got up and quickly excused herself.
Heechul watched quietly as Ryeowook placed his own cup on the table then took one of the other chairs. Finally he looked up at Heechul with a smile, “Morning, hyung.”
“Ryeowook, what are you doing here?” Heechul asked bluntly,
“You said you’d have Christmas eve dinner with my family,” Ryeowook answered, “Since I knew you couldn’t come, I thought I’d bring the dinner to you. My parents send their regards.”
“But… you knew I wouldn’t have been able to eat it… and you stayed,” Heechul gaped, still unable to wrap his mind around the situation,
“Still,” Ryeowook shrugged, “And besides, no one should be alone during the holidays. I know you said it wasn’t a big deal that everyone was going away for the holiday except for you, but it was a big deal for me. When we found out that you’d be in the hospital on Christmas, I knew I couldn’t just stay home and my family understands.”
Heechul listened intently and felt an odd clenching around his heart at his dongsaeng’s words. He felt a lump form in his throat and a stinging behind his eyes. He preoccupied himself by reaching over and getting the plastic bag from the bedside table, fighting the tears and hiding them from his dongsaeng. However, his gratefulness only doubled when he looked into the bag and saw the containers within. Atop each container held a taped on piece of paper that held the same greeting from Ryeowook’s parents, greeting Heechul and wishing him the best.
He swallowed hard and composed himself as best he can as he looked up and smiled at his dongsaeng, “Thank… Thank you.”
“Are you feeling well enough to take a ride in your wheelchair?” Ryeowook asked.
Heechul eyed the contraption on the other side of the room. He was to use it for a few weeks as his leg got used to being without the support of the rods. He nodded and Ryeowook brought it over, gingerly helping Heechul into it.
“Where are we going?” Heechul asked curiously, “You’re not kidnapping me, are you?”
Ryeowook let out a melodic laugh, “No, but since you’re only allowed two visitors at a time in your room, the others had to sleep in the waiting room.”
“Others?” Heechul questioned as Ryeowook pushed him out of the room,
“While you were in surgery, I called the others to tell them a status report of your surgery and when it was done and how I planned to stay here,” Ryeowook explained simply as they went down the hall, nearing the waiting room, “Before your surgery was done the others showed up, but the staff wouldn’t allow more than two in your room.”
Heechul felt his heart almost break at hearing of the actions of his members. As Ryeowook rolled him into the waiting room, half of the members still asleep, the others pacing around, he couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at his lips. He felt Ryeowook’s small hand clasp on his shoulder supportively.
Heechul reached for Ryeowook’s hand and as he pried it from his shoulder, held it firmly in his hand. Heechul pulled Ryeowook into a tentative embrace,
“Merry Christmas Ryeowook.”
Ryeowook shook his head as he broke the embrace as the others slowly surrounded them, “No - you, hyung - Merry Christmas.”
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
[RQ] Fated to Love
For amine87
theme: none specified.
pair: Eeteuk/Kangin; Eeteuk/Heechul
rate: NC17
words: 5447
(Part of the Fated series.)
“But I love you.”
She laughed at the absurdity of his words. Her laugh which had always felt like music to his ears, suddenly felt like a dagger. His chest constricted with pain as she scoffed at his words, flinging away his declaration as if it were merely a pesky bug. He watched silently as she turned around and walked off, placing her hand in that of another boy’s. After three years, he had learned of her consistent infidelity with that boy. After three years, he had learned everything he had, had been all lies.
As he was pushed onto the bed, he remembered what had happened ten years ago. He looked up into the eyes of the one he was with now.
“Heechul…” he began before Heechul leaned down, capturing his lips with his own. He felt Heechul probe into his mouth with his tongue, felt Heechul’s hands all over his body, but that was all he felt. Annoyed, he pushed him off of him, “I think we should break up.”
Heechul gaped at him, startled. He crossed his arms and raised a peculiar eyebrow. “Why Eeteuk-sshi?”
Eeteuk stood up from the bed, straightening his clothes. He ran a hand through his hair as a means to fix whatever strands had gone astray. This was how it had been for the last ten years. He had never stayed with anyone for too long, never even got farther than a few heated kisses.
“I’m bored,” Eeteuk’s answer came out flatly. He realized early on that it was easier to give that excuse rather than the real one, that he could never love them. He had become incapable of that.
Heechul stared at him a moment before getting off the bed and coming around to stand in front of him. Arms crossed still, Heechul stared him in the eye, as if determining the validity of Eeteuk’s answer. After a five-count, Heechul stepped aside to grant him access to the door.
Eeteuk had taken three steps before Heechul grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He cradled Eeteuk’s face with his hands and his lips came down upon Eeteuk’s. Their lips met in a violent meeting and Eeteuk tried to pull away, but Heechul only held onto him tighter. He forced his tongue between Eeteuk’s lips and then it became a delicious duel between their tongues. Suddenly, Heechul let go of him, breaking the kiss.
Running his thumb along his own bottom lip, Heechul sighed, “But damn you’re a good kisser,” and with that, he brushed past Eeteuk and left first. After all, no one left Kim Heechul.
A few weeks passed and, to Eeteuk’s surprise, his friendship with Heechul had not been affected by their brief relationship. He was thankful for it, he had known them being together would affect Super Junior and if breaking up with Heechul so suddenly would end in breaking up Super Junior, he would never forgive him. However, during those few weeks after his split from Heechul, Eeteuk began sensing a change in another relationship he had.
For years he had lived with and been the best of friends with Kangin. However, after the other members found out that he and Heechul had split up, Kangin’s attentions had suddenly become more than that of a friend. For the first time in years, Eeteuk didn’t know how to react. In the past ten years, he had gone out with people who had shown interest, why not? But none of those people had ever been as close to him as Kangin. Heechul was the person who ever came closest.
One evening during dinner as everyone ate in the restaurant, Eeteuk barely touched his food. Instead, he watched Kangin who sat across from him. Eeteuk watched quietly as Kangin bent over his food, eating heartily. Once in awhile, one of the other members would say something or talk to him. Eeteuk studied Kangin’s expressions as he furrowed his eyebrows when he was confused or suspicious or upset. Then something would be said and he would smile brightly, his eyes becoming upside-down crescents.
As if sensing his gaze, Kangin suddenly turned to look at Eeteuk. Their eyes met and Eeteuk found himself unable to look away as if Kangin were physically holding him still. Eeteuk reached for his glass on the table, as if idly holding it. Lightly holding it on the table, Eeteuk slowly stroked his finger up and down the cool glass. Kangin’s eyes followed that finger before meeting Eeteuk’s gaze again; he raised a curious eyebrow. Eeteuk then raised the glass in a silent toast to him before downing the rest of his drink.
Suddenly, Kangin excused himself and retreated to the bathroom. After a five-count, Eeteuk excused himself as well and followed his dongsaeng’s path at leisure. The moment he entered the men’s bathroom, he was pushed back against the door. He heard the door lock just as Kangin’s lips crashed down upon him.
Kangin slipped his hand behind his neck, holding his head firmly against his own. As if on instinct, Eeteuk placed his hands on Kangin’s hips and pulled them towards his own so their bodies were flush with one another. Kangin ran his tongue along Eeteuk’s lips and he opened them, allowing Kangin to deepen the kiss. He tasted Kangin, their tongues dancing with one another and it tasted like nothing before. It was sweet and he found he couldn’t get enough. Kangin broke the kiss and began trailing kisses along his jaw line.
“Say you’re mine,” Kangin’s voice came gruffly in his ear, his lips tickling Eeteuk’s neck,
“Do you… care about… me?” Eeteuk breathed as he began to grind his hips against Kangin’s.
He shivered as Kangin ran his tongue along the column of his neck before pressing his lips against his temple, “Of course, you know I do,”
“That’s all I need,” Eeteuk murmured as Kangin pulled back to look at him quizzically. He reached between them and massaged Kangin through his jeans, “I’m yours.”
With a growl low in his throat, Kangin pushed himself away from Eeteuk and unlocked the door. Eeteuk blinked at him, confused. Had he done something wrong? Was he getting dismissed before they even did anything? He hit Kangin with a hard, questioning glare.
Kangin responded with a bright smile, “That’s all I wanted to hear.”
Eeteuk’s jaw dropped as Kangin opened the door and gestured for him to lead the way back to the table. All his other partners wouldn’t have stopped, would have continued after his blatant offer. All his other partners were not Kangin. After shooting Kangin an accusatory glare, he moved to lead them back to the members. On their silent walk back, Eeteuk began to wonder if it was a good thing that Kangin wasn’t like all the others from his past.
A few weeks later, Eeteuk and Kangin were out walking in the park when suddenly a young woman and boy were walking on the same path toward them caught Eeteuk’s attention. He stopped in his tracks and Kangin stopped out of confusion.
Eeteuk felt his heart constrict, his mouth go dry and felt every part of his body begin to tremble. As the pair approached, the woman looked at Eeteuk and they stopped before them. When she smiled, Eeteuk felt as if he had been punched. He hadn’t seen that smile in ten years and it still looked as bright as he remembered. As if in a trance, Eeteuk introduced Kangin to the woman. She turned her smile on him and Eeteuk felt his gut twist as Kangin smiled back and shook her hand.
If he felt liked he was punched when she smiled, he felt as if he had been stabbed when she introduced her companion as her son. Eeteuk felt the strength leave him and he would have fallen had Kangin not placed a hand at the small of his back. Usually, Eeteuk would’ve given Kangin a look of thanks, a small smile - anything… but at that moment, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy who stood beside his first love.
The pain in his chest grew and he felt tears begin to sting his eyes. He fought it back as he offered a big smile, congratulating her. The smile faltered then disappeared as Kangin began engaging her in conversation. He tried to drown them out, his eyes glued to the boy who’s eyes wandered about, but snippets of their chatter broke through to him anyway. She was married and a year later they were blessed with her son. She had recently moved back to Seoul with her family and they were on their way to meet her husband for a late lunch by his office building.
Kangin made their excuses to leave, sensing the emotions coursing through Eeteuk. They said their goodbyes and Kangin had to practically push Eeteuk to bring him out of his trance. After a few steps, Eeteuk turned around and called after her. She and her son stopped and she turned around, giving him a look of question,
“How long were you and your husband together before you got married?” Eeteuk questioned, forcing a strength into his words that he didn’t feel; if he didn’t, he knew his voice would crack.
She chewed on her bottom lip a moment and eyed him warily before answering, “Three years.” Her eyes dropped to the ground as she said goodbye once more and turned back, walking off with her son.
Three years.
Eeteuk felt his heart hammering in his chest painfully, felt the tears return with a vengeance and suddenly it became hard to breath. His breaths came shallow and staggered. He grabbed onto Kangin for balance as he felt his world suddenly begin to spin and crumble once more. Not knowing what to do, nor how to feel, Kangin grabbed Eeteuk’s hand and led them back to the dorm.
Once back at the dorm, Kangin was glad to find it empty. With Eeteuk’s mood he knew his hyung wouldn’t want the others to see him so shaken up. As Kangin began untying his shoes, Eeteuk brushed past him, walking to his room almost trance-like. Curious and worried, Kangin followed after him. He stood in the doorway as Eeteuk moved to his closet.
Eeteuk pushed the door open and got down on his knees. He began tossing clothes from the bottom of the closet away. He dug until he found a shoebox that had been hidden in the recesses of the dirty clothes he and Donghae had piled in the closet. Closing the closet door, he stood with the shoebox and brought it over to his desk. He opened it and suddenly began to dig through the contents of the shoebox.
Kangin watched, amazed as Eeteuk pulled out a small picture frame. Eeteuk brushed off the dust that had collected on the wooden frame over the years and just stared at the picture within. Silently, Kangin came up behind him and looked at the picture over his shoulder. Kangin recognized the first person in the picture immediately, it was Eeteuk when he was much younger. Eeteuk was smiling happily, his single dimple appearing. Kangin followed Eeteuk’s arm in the picture which was draped across the shoulders of the other person in the picture. A girl sat beside Eeteuk with long, straight hair. She had almond-shaped eyes, cute dimples and a big smile; the same smile he had seen earlier in the park.
Suddenly, Kangin couldn’t see the picture clearly anymore. The glass had become stained with tears and the hands holding the frame were shaking horribly.
“I was with her for three years before she left me for him…” Eeteuk’s voice came in a whisper. “I loved her…”
Kangin turned him around and, hands planted firmly on his shoulders, he stared directly into Eeteuk’s tear-filled eyes. “You have me now.”
Eeteuk pushed him away, scowling, “Don’t tell me what I have and what I don’t have. The last thing I need is pity from you.”
“I don’t pity you damn it!” Kangin exclaimed, grabbing his wrist as he began to leave the room, “I just think you should forget about her because she’s not here, I am.”
Eeteuk glared back at him, seeing the fire in his boyfriend’s eyes. Never before had he seen such an intensity in those eyes; never before had he felt such a possessiveness surging through that body. He knew he should be scared, should run away from such things, but all Eeteuk felt was drawn even more to his dongsaeng.
“Then fuck me.”
The command came so quietly that Kangin wasn’t even sure it was said. He stammered, his hold on Eeteuk’s wrist suddenly loosening, “What?”
“Until I never remember her again…” Eeteuk said swiftly, softly as he closed the distance between them, the frame slipping from his fingers and falling to the floor. He reached up, cupping the nape of Kangin’s neck with his hand and pulling his lips to his own.
The kiss was sweet and promising of things to come, things they hadn’t done since that time in the bathroom. Slowly, Kangin pulled him back with him until they were at Eeteuk’s bed. As Eeteuk stood before him, Kangin’s lips moved away from his mouth. He trailed kisses along his jaw and down the column of his neck. His hands moved up his shirt and Eeteuk only broke contact with Kangin to pull off his shirt. Once his torso was bared, Kangin continued his ministrations.
Slowly, Kangin sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Eeteuk to stand between his legs. Gripping Eeteuk’s hips, he flicked his tongue across a flat nipple. Eeteuk shuddered from the sensation as Kangin began to suck and nip at first one, and then the other. Eeteuk felt the pressure being to build within him and suddenly his jeans felt like they were too tight. He fought the urge to scream as Kangin’s lips moved lower and lower, slowly slipping from the bed until he was on his knees.
Kangin easily undid his jeans and slipped them along with his drawers down until Eeteuk stood there naked. He looked up questioningly at his hyung and Eeteuk had to restrain himself from grabbing him and driving into him then and there. Kangin dragged a finger tip along the errant arousal and Eeteuk let out a soft moan. Then he dragged his tongue along the shaft and Eeteuk had to grab onto his shoulders to keep upright. However, Kangin did nothing more than use a finger or the tip of his tongue to caress Eeteuk. Growing impatient, Eeteuk tightened his hold on Kangin’s shoulders and Kangin looked up at him, questioningly, a smirk on his lips.
“Please…” Eeteuk grounded out.
Kangin nodded as he wrapped his hand around Eeteuk and slowly began to stroke him, firmly, steadily. Eeteuk let out a moan of relief as he finally felt more. The pressure that had been building up below, suddenly began to slowly spread to the rest of his body. He felt the strength leaving his legs and found it hard to breath as Kangin continued to pump him in slow, strong strokes.
Eeteuk found himself on the verge of begging for more again when he felt Kangin’s mouth surround him. His mouth fell open and his fingers trembled as they gripped onto Kangin’s shoulders. He gasped suddenly when Kangin began to suck on him, hard. It was getting harder and harder to stand, with or without Kangin there to support him. Soon the trembling that was in his fingers spread to the rest of his body as he felt as if he were on fire.
Kangin moved his hands from Eeteuk’s hips, to his bottom, gripping it tightly, holding it to him. Eeteuk felt Kangin’s fingers begin to massage his rear and felt the back of Kangin’s throat tease the tip of him. As his dongsaeng began to undulate his head on him, Eeteuk felt the pressure building and building until he couldn’t handle it anymore. He tried to push Kangin away as he reached his climax, but Kangin held him and drank every last drop of him.
When he was spent, Eeteuk stood shakily, holding Kangin’s head to his stomach. He took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm his hammering heart.
“You didn’t have to…” Eeteuk managed between steadying breaths,
“Oh, I did,” Kangin argued softly, his voice low and sultry, as he got to his feet, “I wanted to give you something before I have you beneath me, panting,” he kissed his shoulder, “and wriggling,” he moved his kisses to Eeteuk’s neck, “begging for more,” he kissed up his neck until his lips tickled his ear, “and screaming my name.”
Eeteuk shuddered at the promise as Kangin handed him onto the bed. He watched with bated breath as Kangin undressed. His eyes followed his dongsaeng’s hands as they unbuttoned and unzipped so slowly, he thought he’d scream in anticipation. Before he even realized it, Kangin was before him, all his clothes pooled at his ankles.
Eeteuk held out a hand to him and Kangin took it, coming onto the bed and slowly lowered them to the mattress as he kissed him. Kangin had one hand cupping Eeteuk’s neck and the other hand was below, between them and stroking Eeteuk into arousal once more. Eeteuk’s hands roamed over Kangin’s back, sides, torso, his hands revelling in the feel of bare skin; Kangin’s bare skin.
This time, it was Eeteuk’s turn to deepen the kiss, his tongue running along every surface of the inside of Kangin’s hot mouth. Kangin groaned into the kiss as Eeteuk rubbed his tongue along Kangin’s and then taking his tongue between his lips. Then, Eeteuk released Kangin’s lips to gasp as he felt his dongsaeng’s hands grow rougher on him below.
Kangin tightened his fingers around Eeteuk as his strokes grew stronger and Eeteuk bit down hard on his lip to stop from screaming. He could feel the pressure building up inside again as Kangin continued. He was close to oblivion when he suddenly felt Kangin at his entrance. His eyes flew open and he stared wildly into the other’s eyes.
Before he could think of anything, Kangin entered him swiftly as his lips captured his own. Eeteuk cried into the kiss as he felt as if his body had been torn in half. His hands which had been roaming, caressing Kangin were now clutching him to him, holding him close as he fought his tears.
“I’m sorry,” Kangin whispered as his lips moved to Eeteuk’s eyes, pressing a kiss to each, pained to taste Eeteuk’s salty tears.
Eeteuk felt Kangin’s hand travel from behind his neck to his head, holding it to his shoulder. As if understanding what he wanted, Eeteuk bit down hard on Kangin’s shoulder to stop from crying. He tasted copper and felt Kangin flinch from the pain. Kangin gritted his teeth together to stop from crying out, not because Eeteuk had bitten him, but because Eeteuk surrounded him so tightly, he was surprised he could control himself for this long. Eeteuk tried to move his head away, to stop from causing him pain, but Kangin head his head still; kept his own body still.
His heart slowly calming, Eeteuk felt the pain slowly turn into soreness, slowly turn into something more as his senses were blown wide open. He could feel Kangin on ever inch of his body. He could feel Kangin’s breath on his neck, hot and wet. He could hear the other’s heavy breathing, feel his chest moving against his own. More importantly, he could feel Kangin pulsating within him. It was such an odd feeling, of being intruded and yet, it was welcome. The stretching which had once caused him pain was now throbbing for more. Gingerly, he raised his hips, crossing his ankles high on Kangin’s back. It was answer enough for him to start moving.
A soft moan escaped Eeteuk’s lips as Kangin began to move in and out of him. The feeling was so new, so different. This was another way Kangin was different from the others, he had never gone this far with anyone else, probably because he ended it long before it even got close.
Kangin grunted from the effort of each thrust then suddenly slowed down completely. Eeteuk opened his eyes, staring at Kangin with disbelief. He smirked down at his hyung as he proceeded at an achingly slow pace. Eeteuk tried in vain to move his hips, to feel more, to make Kangin move more.
“Say you’re mine,” Kangin’s voice came in a low growl,
“Do you care about me?” Eeteuk questioned in reply, gritting his teeth in irritation,
“Of course I do,” Kangin grounded out.
“Then,” Eeteuk tightened his legs around Kangin, “I’m yours.”
In reply, Kangin increased the speed of his thrusts. Eeteuk let out a moan of relief as he got what he wanted. The pressure, the heat, everything was back and more than before. Kangin entered him again and again. Eeteuk was close to the edge, and Kangin felt him hard against his stomach. With one hand still cradling the back of Eeteuk’s head, Kangin reached between them with his other and brushed his hand over the tip of Eeteuk’s arousal. He let out a cry as his whole body shook from the shock.
“Harder…” Eeteuk breathed as he felt sweat drip down his face,
“Say you’re mine,” Kangin grounded out as he began to stroke Eeteuk, coordinating his hand with his hips,
“Damn it, you already know I’m yours!” Eeteuk exclaimed with frustration.
Before he could say anything more, Kangin slammed into him and he let out a groan, Kangin’s name on his lips. Each thrust became more powerful than the last and Eeteuk felt his very core filled completely of Kangin. Soon, his body began to shake as he neared his completion and when Kangin buried his face against his neck, Eeteuk knew Kangin wasn’t far behind.
After a few more pumps, Eeteuk reached oblivion once more. He clenched his eyes closed, and clenched Kangin to him as his body pulsated with white fire. Kangin pumped him until he was completely spent and despite the evidence of Eeteuk’s climax evident between them, he continued. He moved both of his hands to Eeteuk’s hips and slammed into him again and again.
Soon, Kangin became frenzied, so close to the edge and yet still so far. He grabbed Eeteuk’s knees and moved them to hook about his shoulders. This time, when he thrust into Eeteuk, the feel was more different, more powerful, more deep.
Eeteuk threw his arms above his head in wanton abandon as Kangin pounded into him harder and harder and harder still. Kangin’s fingers became bruising on his hips but Eeteuk didn’t mind, all he minded was that he was close to completion for the third time.
When Eeteuk reached his climax again, Kangin felt himself just about to fall over the precipice, he whispered against Eeteuk’s neck, “I love you…”
Eeteuk’s eyes flew wide open and suddenly, he pushed Kangin off of him.
Kangin stared at him in disbelief. It was a fraction of a second before disbelief turned into anger, “What the hell was that!?” He demanded, getting up and standing beside the bed, “You get yours three times - THREE TIMES - and I don’t even get mine!?”
“For goodness sake,” Eeteuk knelt on the bed before him and grabbed for Kangin. He pumped him a few times and that was all it took, despite his anger, for him to finish.
After he was spent, Kangin pushed Eeteuk away, “You still haven’t answered me!”
“You said you love me!” Eeteuk retorted, almost accusingly,
Kangin’s jaw dropped before his eyes narrowed, “And what the hell is wrong with that!?”
“I told you in the beginning, all I need is for you to care - I don’t need love!” Eeteuk declared, getting off the bed and pushing past Kangin to grab and pull on his boxers.
“What kind of bullshit is that!?” Kangin demanded as he began to pull on his own boxers and jeans.
“If you can’t accept it then let’s just end things now,” Eeteuk gave the ultimatum, crossing his arms and clad in just his boxers.
“I love you - I don’t want to break up with you!” Kangin stated angrily as he grabbed his shirt from the floor and pulled it on.
“Stop saying that!” Eeteuk demanded,
“What that I love you? Give me one good reason why I should stop,” Kangin challenged,
“Because I can’t love you back!” Eeteuk exclaimed,
“Why the hell not!?” Kangin demanded, “You loved her!”
Eeteuk said nothing, turning his gaze away, he stood there silently.
“You’re full of bullshit, I hope you know that,” Kangin grounded out as he pushed past Eeteuk to the door. He stopped in the door way and turned back to look at him, “And I don’t give a shit what you say because damn it, I love you - why? I can’t even say right now, but I do. And I’ll keep loving you no matter what the fuck you say! So I’ll just wait for you to come to your senses and when you do, give me a fucking call.” With that, Kangin exited, slamming the bedroom door behind him.
Eeteuk never did call Kangin back. Instead, he did the opposite and began hanging out with Heechul more often than before. When they had activities together with Super Junior, Eeteuk constantly felt Kangin’s eyes on them and he forced himself to not pay attention.
Heechul, on the other hand, relished in Kangin’s blatant jealousy. Whenever he sat next to Eeteuk, Heechul made an effort to always have an arm loosely draped across his shoulders. Whenever cameras weren’t rolling, Heechul would lean in close to Eeteuk and whisper something - anything to make the leader smile or laugh; anything to make Kangin’s bile rise.
One afternoon, Super Junior were at the dance studio practicing for an upcoming performance. Eeteuk stood against the wall, arms crossed loosely about his torso as Heechul stood in front of him,
“You’re enjoying this too much,” Eeteuk said flatly,
Heechul smirked, “You said you wanted Kangin to hate you to make it easier on him… I’m just helping things look more believable.” Heechul stretched out an arm, planting it beside Eeteuk’s head, “Although, it would be easier if you just love the moron.”
“I can’t… not again,” Eeteuk sighed, his gaze dropping to the wooden floor. Since his fight with Kangin two weeks ago, he had felt hollow. His chest constricted and hurt at even the mere mention of his dongsaeng’s name. Clenching his fists to stop from trembling, he muttered, “All I need is for him to care,”
“Well he does… just more than you’d like,” Heechul pointed out,
Eeteuk shook his head before he sighed and looked up at Heechul, a small smile on his face despite his eyes sparkling with threatening tears, “Thanks for your help.”
Before he could reply, Heechul suddenly found himself on the ground, his shoulders throbbing from where they had been hit by two strong hands. Kangin towered over him, his hands clenched tightly at his sides, knuckles white from the effort. When he moved to go after Heechul again, Shiwon and Hankyung came up behind him, both grabbing an arm to stop him.
Eeteuk went to Heechul, “Why the fuck did you do that!?” Eeteuk demanded, turning on Kangin after helping Heechul to his feet,
“We never broke up,” Kangin grounded out, his eyes dark and fiery as he struggled against his hyung and his dongsaeng’s hold on him,
“And what does that have to do with you pushing Heechul?” Eeteuk questioned,
“He’s always with you and you’re always with him. He always has an arm around you, your hands always brush one another. Smiling at him, laughing with him - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” Kangin exclaimed, tears forming in his eyes as both Shiwon and Hankyung had to dig their heels into the ground to restrain him.
Heechul nudge Eeteuk to just follow his advice, but Eeteuk refused to. Rather, he turned to Heechul, grabbed his face between his hands and pulled him into a kiss.
Kangin let out a cry as he pulled with all his strength to free himself from the other’s grips. Hankyung and Shiwon did so immediately and Kangin crumbled to the floor. Heechul pushed Eeteuk away and moved towards Kangin, but Eeteuk grabbed his arm stopping him. On his knees, Kangin pounded on the floor, grounding out a curse as his body shook from the cries he fought against. He wouldn’t cry aloud again, not for someone who could do that to him.
A heaviness fell upon his chest and it began to suffocate Kangin until he felt his heart break from the pressure. When he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, he allowed himself to hope for a moment. He looked up and through his veil of tears he didn’t see Eeteuk beside him. Instead, he saw Sungmin. Kangin bit down hard on his lip to stop from screaming as he felt his heart break a second time. Why had he allowed himself to hope?
From within the circle of his dongsaeng’s comforting arms, Kangin watched through his tears as Eeteuk turned and walked away, pulling a reluctant Heechul with him. Once the door closed behind them, a strangle cry escaped from Kangin’s lips.
He hadn’t thought it possible for his heart to break a third time.
Tensions were high in Super Junior for the following weeks. Three month after what had happened in the dance studio, Heechul was with Eeteuk, returning from that day’s activities. When they stepped out of the elevator, they were surprised to meet three of their other members waiting for the elevator. As they came out, Donghae, Sungmin and Kangin greeted them,
“Evening hyungs,” Donghae and Sungmin coursed,
“Eeteuk-sshi,” Kangin greeted quietly, a small smile on his lips,
Eeteuk blinked a moment, startled before murmuring, “Hi… Kangin…” They hadn’t even said common courtesy pleasantries to one another over the past three months, let alone greetings upon sudden run-ins.
“Where are you three off to?” Heechul asked absent-mindedly as he ran a hand through his perfectly groomed hair,
“I’m going with Sungmin and Kangin to Kangin’s radio show tonight,” Donghae explained as they stepped into the elevator,
“Sungmin and Kangin?” Eeteuk repeated under his breath as his eyes suddenly fell upon the intertwined fingers of said members. He felt a lump form in his throat, stopping any words he could muster from his discovery. As he heard the elevator doors begin to close, his eyes shot up just in time to see Kangin lean in and drop a kiss to Sungmin’s nose.
Eeteuk felt all his strength leave him and he fell to the ground. His heart was hammering painfully in his chest and the lump in his throat felt as if it were growing. His chest tightened and he found himself no longer able to breath. His body began to tremble and unbeknownst to him, tears began to fall from eyes that were still wide from shock.
He crossed his arms over his stomach, pressing them into his abdomen. His stomach felt as if a knife had impaled him and was now slowly twisting as it was driven deeper and deeper. Heechul knelt down beside him and gathered him into his arms, but Eeteuk felt none of that. His body felt cold all over and he felt numb to his dongsaeng’s comforting embrace. He wanted to push Heechul away and yet, wanted some kind of comfort and affection; still, he felt nothing. Nothing but hollowness and cold and pain.
“What’s wrong with me?” Eeteuk managed through his overwhelming cries, and flood of tears,
“I think… you’ve just had your heart broken,” Heechul’s voice floated to him, soft, gently and warm, but Eeteuk felt none of these from his voice.
“But… that means I only helped what I’ve tried to stop from happening all these years,” Eeteuk muttered confusedly as his body shook with a greater ferocity than before. His voice trembled and cracked as he went on, “But that would have to mean...” on the brink of realization, yet not allowing himself to believe it, Eeteuk grounded out, “I love Kangin…”
Heechul tightened his arms about him, but Eeteuk felt no comfort as Heechul replied hesitantly, “Exactly.”
The remnants of his broken heart died at that moment.
(For the sequel, Fated to Break)
theme: none specified.
pair: Eeteuk/Kangin; Eeteuk/Heechul
rate: NC17
words: 5447
(Part of the Fated series.)
“But I love you.”
She laughed at the absurdity of his words. Her laugh which had always felt like music to his ears, suddenly felt like a dagger. His chest constricted with pain as she scoffed at his words, flinging away his declaration as if it were merely a pesky bug. He watched silently as she turned around and walked off, placing her hand in that of another boy’s. After three years, he had learned of her consistent infidelity with that boy. After three years, he had learned everything he had, had been all lies.
As he was pushed onto the bed, he remembered what had happened ten years ago. He looked up into the eyes of the one he was with now.
“Heechul…” he began before Heechul leaned down, capturing his lips with his own. He felt Heechul probe into his mouth with his tongue, felt Heechul’s hands all over his body, but that was all he felt. Annoyed, he pushed him off of him, “I think we should break up.”
Heechul gaped at him, startled. He crossed his arms and raised a peculiar eyebrow. “Why Eeteuk-sshi?”
Eeteuk stood up from the bed, straightening his clothes. He ran a hand through his hair as a means to fix whatever strands had gone astray. This was how it had been for the last ten years. He had never stayed with anyone for too long, never even got farther than a few heated kisses.
“I’m bored,” Eeteuk’s answer came out flatly. He realized early on that it was easier to give that excuse rather than the real one, that he could never love them. He had become incapable of that.
Heechul stared at him a moment before getting off the bed and coming around to stand in front of him. Arms crossed still, Heechul stared him in the eye, as if determining the validity of Eeteuk’s answer. After a five-count, Heechul stepped aside to grant him access to the door.
Eeteuk had taken three steps before Heechul grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He cradled Eeteuk’s face with his hands and his lips came down upon Eeteuk’s. Their lips met in a violent meeting and Eeteuk tried to pull away, but Heechul only held onto him tighter. He forced his tongue between Eeteuk’s lips and then it became a delicious duel between their tongues. Suddenly, Heechul let go of him, breaking the kiss.
Running his thumb along his own bottom lip, Heechul sighed, “But damn you’re a good kisser,” and with that, he brushed past Eeteuk and left first. After all, no one left Kim Heechul.
A few weeks passed and, to Eeteuk’s surprise, his friendship with Heechul had not been affected by their brief relationship. He was thankful for it, he had known them being together would affect Super Junior and if breaking up with Heechul so suddenly would end in breaking up Super Junior, he would never forgive him. However, during those few weeks after his split from Heechul, Eeteuk began sensing a change in another relationship he had.
For years he had lived with and been the best of friends with Kangin. However, after the other members found out that he and Heechul had split up, Kangin’s attentions had suddenly become more than that of a friend. For the first time in years, Eeteuk didn’t know how to react. In the past ten years, he had gone out with people who had shown interest, why not? But none of those people had ever been as close to him as Kangin. Heechul was the person who ever came closest.
One evening during dinner as everyone ate in the restaurant, Eeteuk barely touched his food. Instead, he watched Kangin who sat across from him. Eeteuk watched quietly as Kangin bent over his food, eating heartily. Once in awhile, one of the other members would say something or talk to him. Eeteuk studied Kangin’s expressions as he furrowed his eyebrows when he was confused or suspicious or upset. Then something would be said and he would smile brightly, his eyes becoming upside-down crescents.
As if sensing his gaze, Kangin suddenly turned to look at Eeteuk. Their eyes met and Eeteuk found himself unable to look away as if Kangin were physically holding him still. Eeteuk reached for his glass on the table, as if idly holding it. Lightly holding it on the table, Eeteuk slowly stroked his finger up and down the cool glass. Kangin’s eyes followed that finger before meeting Eeteuk’s gaze again; he raised a curious eyebrow. Eeteuk then raised the glass in a silent toast to him before downing the rest of his drink.
Suddenly, Kangin excused himself and retreated to the bathroom. After a five-count, Eeteuk excused himself as well and followed his dongsaeng’s path at leisure. The moment he entered the men’s bathroom, he was pushed back against the door. He heard the door lock just as Kangin’s lips crashed down upon him.
Kangin slipped his hand behind his neck, holding his head firmly against his own. As if on instinct, Eeteuk placed his hands on Kangin’s hips and pulled them towards his own so their bodies were flush with one another. Kangin ran his tongue along Eeteuk’s lips and he opened them, allowing Kangin to deepen the kiss. He tasted Kangin, their tongues dancing with one another and it tasted like nothing before. It was sweet and he found he couldn’t get enough. Kangin broke the kiss and began trailing kisses along his jaw line.
“Say you’re mine,” Kangin’s voice came gruffly in his ear, his lips tickling Eeteuk’s neck,
“Do you… care about… me?” Eeteuk breathed as he began to grind his hips against Kangin’s.
He shivered as Kangin ran his tongue along the column of his neck before pressing his lips against his temple, “Of course, you know I do,”
“That’s all I need,” Eeteuk murmured as Kangin pulled back to look at him quizzically. He reached between them and massaged Kangin through his jeans, “I’m yours.”
With a growl low in his throat, Kangin pushed himself away from Eeteuk and unlocked the door. Eeteuk blinked at him, confused. Had he done something wrong? Was he getting dismissed before they even did anything? He hit Kangin with a hard, questioning glare.
Kangin responded with a bright smile, “That’s all I wanted to hear.”
Eeteuk’s jaw dropped as Kangin opened the door and gestured for him to lead the way back to the table. All his other partners wouldn’t have stopped, would have continued after his blatant offer. All his other partners were not Kangin. After shooting Kangin an accusatory glare, he moved to lead them back to the members. On their silent walk back, Eeteuk began to wonder if it was a good thing that Kangin wasn’t like all the others from his past.
A few weeks later, Eeteuk and Kangin were out walking in the park when suddenly a young woman and boy were walking on the same path toward them caught Eeteuk’s attention. He stopped in his tracks and Kangin stopped out of confusion.
Eeteuk felt his heart constrict, his mouth go dry and felt every part of his body begin to tremble. As the pair approached, the woman looked at Eeteuk and they stopped before them. When she smiled, Eeteuk felt as if he had been punched. He hadn’t seen that smile in ten years and it still looked as bright as he remembered. As if in a trance, Eeteuk introduced Kangin to the woman. She turned her smile on him and Eeteuk felt his gut twist as Kangin smiled back and shook her hand.
If he felt liked he was punched when she smiled, he felt as if he had been stabbed when she introduced her companion as her son. Eeteuk felt the strength leave him and he would have fallen had Kangin not placed a hand at the small of his back. Usually, Eeteuk would’ve given Kangin a look of thanks, a small smile - anything… but at that moment, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy who stood beside his first love.
The pain in his chest grew and he felt tears begin to sting his eyes. He fought it back as he offered a big smile, congratulating her. The smile faltered then disappeared as Kangin began engaging her in conversation. He tried to drown them out, his eyes glued to the boy who’s eyes wandered about, but snippets of their chatter broke through to him anyway. She was married and a year later they were blessed with her son. She had recently moved back to Seoul with her family and they were on their way to meet her husband for a late lunch by his office building.
Kangin made their excuses to leave, sensing the emotions coursing through Eeteuk. They said their goodbyes and Kangin had to practically push Eeteuk to bring him out of his trance. After a few steps, Eeteuk turned around and called after her. She and her son stopped and she turned around, giving him a look of question,
“How long were you and your husband together before you got married?” Eeteuk questioned, forcing a strength into his words that he didn’t feel; if he didn’t, he knew his voice would crack.
She chewed on her bottom lip a moment and eyed him warily before answering, “Three years.” Her eyes dropped to the ground as she said goodbye once more and turned back, walking off with her son.
Three years.
Eeteuk felt his heart hammering in his chest painfully, felt the tears return with a vengeance and suddenly it became hard to breath. His breaths came shallow and staggered. He grabbed onto Kangin for balance as he felt his world suddenly begin to spin and crumble once more. Not knowing what to do, nor how to feel, Kangin grabbed Eeteuk’s hand and led them back to the dorm.
Once back at the dorm, Kangin was glad to find it empty. With Eeteuk’s mood he knew his hyung wouldn’t want the others to see him so shaken up. As Kangin began untying his shoes, Eeteuk brushed past him, walking to his room almost trance-like. Curious and worried, Kangin followed after him. He stood in the doorway as Eeteuk moved to his closet.
Eeteuk pushed the door open and got down on his knees. He began tossing clothes from the bottom of the closet away. He dug until he found a shoebox that had been hidden in the recesses of the dirty clothes he and Donghae had piled in the closet. Closing the closet door, he stood with the shoebox and brought it over to his desk. He opened it and suddenly began to dig through the contents of the shoebox.
Kangin watched, amazed as Eeteuk pulled out a small picture frame. Eeteuk brushed off the dust that had collected on the wooden frame over the years and just stared at the picture within. Silently, Kangin came up behind him and looked at the picture over his shoulder. Kangin recognized the first person in the picture immediately, it was Eeteuk when he was much younger. Eeteuk was smiling happily, his single dimple appearing. Kangin followed Eeteuk’s arm in the picture which was draped across the shoulders of the other person in the picture. A girl sat beside Eeteuk with long, straight hair. She had almond-shaped eyes, cute dimples and a big smile; the same smile he had seen earlier in the park.
Suddenly, Kangin couldn’t see the picture clearly anymore. The glass had become stained with tears and the hands holding the frame were shaking horribly.
“I was with her for three years before she left me for him…” Eeteuk’s voice came in a whisper. “I loved her…”
Kangin turned him around and, hands planted firmly on his shoulders, he stared directly into Eeteuk’s tear-filled eyes. “You have me now.”
Eeteuk pushed him away, scowling, “Don’t tell me what I have and what I don’t have. The last thing I need is pity from you.”
“I don’t pity you damn it!” Kangin exclaimed, grabbing his wrist as he began to leave the room, “I just think you should forget about her because she’s not here, I am.”
Eeteuk glared back at him, seeing the fire in his boyfriend’s eyes. Never before had he seen such an intensity in those eyes; never before had he felt such a possessiveness surging through that body. He knew he should be scared, should run away from such things, but all Eeteuk felt was drawn even more to his dongsaeng.
“Then fuck me.”
The command came so quietly that Kangin wasn’t even sure it was said. He stammered, his hold on Eeteuk’s wrist suddenly loosening, “What?”
“Until I never remember her again…” Eeteuk said swiftly, softly as he closed the distance between them, the frame slipping from his fingers and falling to the floor. He reached up, cupping the nape of Kangin’s neck with his hand and pulling his lips to his own.
The kiss was sweet and promising of things to come, things they hadn’t done since that time in the bathroom. Slowly, Kangin pulled him back with him until they were at Eeteuk’s bed. As Eeteuk stood before him, Kangin’s lips moved away from his mouth. He trailed kisses along his jaw and down the column of his neck. His hands moved up his shirt and Eeteuk only broke contact with Kangin to pull off his shirt. Once his torso was bared, Kangin continued his ministrations.
Slowly, Kangin sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Eeteuk to stand between his legs. Gripping Eeteuk’s hips, he flicked his tongue across a flat nipple. Eeteuk shuddered from the sensation as Kangin began to suck and nip at first one, and then the other. Eeteuk felt the pressure being to build within him and suddenly his jeans felt like they were too tight. He fought the urge to scream as Kangin’s lips moved lower and lower, slowly slipping from the bed until he was on his knees.
Kangin easily undid his jeans and slipped them along with his drawers down until Eeteuk stood there naked. He looked up questioningly at his hyung and Eeteuk had to restrain himself from grabbing him and driving into him then and there. Kangin dragged a finger tip along the errant arousal and Eeteuk let out a soft moan. Then he dragged his tongue along the shaft and Eeteuk had to grab onto his shoulders to keep upright. However, Kangin did nothing more than use a finger or the tip of his tongue to caress Eeteuk. Growing impatient, Eeteuk tightened his hold on Kangin’s shoulders and Kangin looked up at him, questioningly, a smirk on his lips.
“Please…” Eeteuk grounded out.
Kangin nodded as he wrapped his hand around Eeteuk and slowly began to stroke him, firmly, steadily. Eeteuk let out a moan of relief as he finally felt more. The pressure that had been building up below, suddenly began to slowly spread to the rest of his body. He felt the strength leaving his legs and found it hard to breath as Kangin continued to pump him in slow, strong strokes.
Eeteuk found himself on the verge of begging for more again when he felt Kangin’s mouth surround him. His mouth fell open and his fingers trembled as they gripped onto Kangin’s shoulders. He gasped suddenly when Kangin began to suck on him, hard. It was getting harder and harder to stand, with or without Kangin there to support him. Soon the trembling that was in his fingers spread to the rest of his body as he felt as if he were on fire.
Kangin moved his hands from Eeteuk’s hips, to his bottom, gripping it tightly, holding it to him. Eeteuk felt Kangin’s fingers begin to massage his rear and felt the back of Kangin’s throat tease the tip of him. As his dongsaeng began to undulate his head on him, Eeteuk felt the pressure building and building until he couldn’t handle it anymore. He tried to push Kangin away as he reached his climax, but Kangin held him and drank every last drop of him.
When he was spent, Eeteuk stood shakily, holding Kangin’s head to his stomach. He took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm his hammering heart.
“You didn’t have to…” Eeteuk managed between steadying breaths,
“Oh, I did,” Kangin argued softly, his voice low and sultry, as he got to his feet, “I wanted to give you something before I have you beneath me, panting,” he kissed his shoulder, “and wriggling,” he moved his kisses to Eeteuk’s neck, “begging for more,” he kissed up his neck until his lips tickled his ear, “and screaming my name.”
Eeteuk shuddered at the promise as Kangin handed him onto the bed. He watched with bated breath as Kangin undressed. His eyes followed his dongsaeng’s hands as they unbuttoned and unzipped so slowly, he thought he’d scream in anticipation. Before he even realized it, Kangin was before him, all his clothes pooled at his ankles.
Eeteuk held out a hand to him and Kangin took it, coming onto the bed and slowly lowered them to the mattress as he kissed him. Kangin had one hand cupping Eeteuk’s neck and the other hand was below, between them and stroking Eeteuk into arousal once more. Eeteuk’s hands roamed over Kangin’s back, sides, torso, his hands revelling in the feel of bare skin; Kangin’s bare skin.
This time, it was Eeteuk’s turn to deepen the kiss, his tongue running along every surface of the inside of Kangin’s hot mouth. Kangin groaned into the kiss as Eeteuk rubbed his tongue along Kangin’s and then taking his tongue between his lips. Then, Eeteuk released Kangin’s lips to gasp as he felt his dongsaeng’s hands grow rougher on him below.
Kangin tightened his fingers around Eeteuk as his strokes grew stronger and Eeteuk bit down hard on his lip to stop from screaming. He could feel the pressure building up inside again as Kangin continued. He was close to oblivion when he suddenly felt Kangin at his entrance. His eyes flew open and he stared wildly into the other’s eyes.
Before he could think of anything, Kangin entered him swiftly as his lips captured his own. Eeteuk cried into the kiss as he felt as if his body had been torn in half. His hands which had been roaming, caressing Kangin were now clutching him to him, holding him close as he fought his tears.
“I’m sorry,” Kangin whispered as his lips moved to Eeteuk’s eyes, pressing a kiss to each, pained to taste Eeteuk’s salty tears.
Eeteuk felt Kangin’s hand travel from behind his neck to his head, holding it to his shoulder. As if understanding what he wanted, Eeteuk bit down hard on Kangin’s shoulder to stop from crying. He tasted copper and felt Kangin flinch from the pain. Kangin gritted his teeth together to stop from crying out, not because Eeteuk had bitten him, but because Eeteuk surrounded him so tightly, he was surprised he could control himself for this long. Eeteuk tried to move his head away, to stop from causing him pain, but Kangin head his head still; kept his own body still.
His heart slowly calming, Eeteuk felt the pain slowly turn into soreness, slowly turn into something more as his senses were blown wide open. He could feel Kangin on ever inch of his body. He could feel Kangin’s breath on his neck, hot and wet. He could hear the other’s heavy breathing, feel his chest moving against his own. More importantly, he could feel Kangin pulsating within him. It was such an odd feeling, of being intruded and yet, it was welcome. The stretching which had once caused him pain was now throbbing for more. Gingerly, he raised his hips, crossing his ankles high on Kangin’s back. It was answer enough for him to start moving.
A soft moan escaped Eeteuk’s lips as Kangin began to move in and out of him. The feeling was so new, so different. This was another way Kangin was different from the others, he had never gone this far with anyone else, probably because he ended it long before it even got close.
Kangin grunted from the effort of each thrust then suddenly slowed down completely. Eeteuk opened his eyes, staring at Kangin with disbelief. He smirked down at his hyung as he proceeded at an achingly slow pace. Eeteuk tried in vain to move his hips, to feel more, to make Kangin move more.
“Say you’re mine,” Kangin’s voice came in a low growl,
“Do you care about me?” Eeteuk questioned in reply, gritting his teeth in irritation,
“Of course I do,” Kangin grounded out.
“Then,” Eeteuk tightened his legs around Kangin, “I’m yours.”
In reply, Kangin increased the speed of his thrusts. Eeteuk let out a moan of relief as he got what he wanted. The pressure, the heat, everything was back and more than before. Kangin entered him again and again. Eeteuk was close to the edge, and Kangin felt him hard against his stomach. With one hand still cradling the back of Eeteuk’s head, Kangin reached between them with his other and brushed his hand over the tip of Eeteuk’s arousal. He let out a cry as his whole body shook from the shock.
“Harder…” Eeteuk breathed as he felt sweat drip down his face,
“Say you’re mine,” Kangin grounded out as he began to stroke Eeteuk, coordinating his hand with his hips,
“Damn it, you already know I’m yours!” Eeteuk exclaimed with frustration.
Before he could say anything more, Kangin slammed into him and he let out a groan, Kangin’s name on his lips. Each thrust became more powerful than the last and Eeteuk felt his very core filled completely of Kangin. Soon, his body began to shake as he neared his completion and when Kangin buried his face against his neck, Eeteuk knew Kangin wasn’t far behind.
After a few more pumps, Eeteuk reached oblivion once more. He clenched his eyes closed, and clenched Kangin to him as his body pulsated with white fire. Kangin pumped him until he was completely spent and despite the evidence of Eeteuk’s climax evident between them, he continued. He moved both of his hands to Eeteuk’s hips and slammed into him again and again.
Soon, Kangin became frenzied, so close to the edge and yet still so far. He grabbed Eeteuk’s knees and moved them to hook about his shoulders. This time, when he thrust into Eeteuk, the feel was more different, more powerful, more deep.
Eeteuk threw his arms above his head in wanton abandon as Kangin pounded into him harder and harder and harder still. Kangin’s fingers became bruising on his hips but Eeteuk didn’t mind, all he minded was that he was close to completion for the third time.
When Eeteuk reached his climax again, Kangin felt himself just about to fall over the precipice, he whispered against Eeteuk’s neck, “I love you…”
Eeteuk’s eyes flew wide open and suddenly, he pushed Kangin off of him.
Kangin stared at him in disbelief. It was a fraction of a second before disbelief turned into anger, “What the hell was that!?” He demanded, getting up and standing beside the bed, “You get yours three times - THREE TIMES - and I don’t even get mine!?”
“For goodness sake,” Eeteuk knelt on the bed before him and grabbed for Kangin. He pumped him a few times and that was all it took, despite his anger, for him to finish.
After he was spent, Kangin pushed Eeteuk away, “You still haven’t answered me!”
“You said you love me!” Eeteuk retorted, almost accusingly,
Kangin’s jaw dropped before his eyes narrowed, “And what the hell is wrong with that!?”
“I told you in the beginning, all I need is for you to care - I don’t need love!” Eeteuk declared, getting off the bed and pushing past Kangin to grab and pull on his boxers.
“What kind of bullshit is that!?” Kangin demanded as he began to pull on his own boxers and jeans.
“If you can’t accept it then let’s just end things now,” Eeteuk gave the ultimatum, crossing his arms and clad in just his boxers.
“I love you - I don’t want to break up with you!” Kangin stated angrily as he grabbed his shirt from the floor and pulled it on.
“Stop saying that!” Eeteuk demanded,
“What that I love you? Give me one good reason why I should stop,” Kangin challenged,
“Because I can’t love you back!” Eeteuk exclaimed,
“Why the hell not!?” Kangin demanded, “You loved her!”
Eeteuk said nothing, turning his gaze away, he stood there silently.
“You’re full of bullshit, I hope you know that,” Kangin grounded out as he pushed past Eeteuk to the door. He stopped in the door way and turned back to look at him, “And I don’t give a shit what you say because damn it, I love you - why? I can’t even say right now, but I do. And I’ll keep loving you no matter what the fuck you say! So I’ll just wait for you to come to your senses and when you do, give me a fucking call.” With that, Kangin exited, slamming the bedroom door behind him.
Eeteuk never did call Kangin back. Instead, he did the opposite and began hanging out with Heechul more often than before. When they had activities together with Super Junior, Eeteuk constantly felt Kangin’s eyes on them and he forced himself to not pay attention.
Heechul, on the other hand, relished in Kangin’s blatant jealousy. Whenever he sat next to Eeteuk, Heechul made an effort to always have an arm loosely draped across his shoulders. Whenever cameras weren’t rolling, Heechul would lean in close to Eeteuk and whisper something - anything to make the leader smile or laugh; anything to make Kangin’s bile rise.
One afternoon, Super Junior were at the dance studio practicing for an upcoming performance. Eeteuk stood against the wall, arms crossed loosely about his torso as Heechul stood in front of him,
“You’re enjoying this too much,” Eeteuk said flatly,
Heechul smirked, “You said you wanted Kangin to hate you to make it easier on him… I’m just helping things look more believable.” Heechul stretched out an arm, planting it beside Eeteuk’s head, “Although, it would be easier if you just love the moron.”
“I can’t… not again,” Eeteuk sighed, his gaze dropping to the wooden floor. Since his fight with Kangin two weeks ago, he had felt hollow. His chest constricted and hurt at even the mere mention of his dongsaeng’s name. Clenching his fists to stop from trembling, he muttered, “All I need is for him to care,”
“Well he does… just more than you’d like,” Heechul pointed out,
Eeteuk shook his head before he sighed and looked up at Heechul, a small smile on his face despite his eyes sparkling with threatening tears, “Thanks for your help.”
Before he could reply, Heechul suddenly found himself on the ground, his shoulders throbbing from where they had been hit by two strong hands. Kangin towered over him, his hands clenched tightly at his sides, knuckles white from the effort. When he moved to go after Heechul again, Shiwon and Hankyung came up behind him, both grabbing an arm to stop him.
Eeteuk went to Heechul, “Why the fuck did you do that!?” Eeteuk demanded, turning on Kangin after helping Heechul to his feet,
“We never broke up,” Kangin grounded out, his eyes dark and fiery as he struggled against his hyung and his dongsaeng’s hold on him,
“And what does that have to do with you pushing Heechul?” Eeteuk questioned,
“He’s always with you and you’re always with him. He always has an arm around you, your hands always brush one another. Smiling at him, laughing with him - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” Kangin exclaimed, tears forming in his eyes as both Shiwon and Hankyung had to dig their heels into the ground to restrain him.
Heechul nudge Eeteuk to just follow his advice, but Eeteuk refused to. Rather, he turned to Heechul, grabbed his face between his hands and pulled him into a kiss.
Kangin let out a cry as he pulled with all his strength to free himself from the other’s grips. Hankyung and Shiwon did so immediately and Kangin crumbled to the floor. Heechul pushed Eeteuk away and moved towards Kangin, but Eeteuk grabbed his arm stopping him. On his knees, Kangin pounded on the floor, grounding out a curse as his body shook from the cries he fought against. He wouldn’t cry aloud again, not for someone who could do that to him.
A heaviness fell upon his chest and it began to suffocate Kangin until he felt his heart break from the pressure. When he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, he allowed himself to hope for a moment. He looked up and through his veil of tears he didn’t see Eeteuk beside him. Instead, he saw Sungmin. Kangin bit down hard on his lip to stop from screaming as he felt his heart break a second time. Why had he allowed himself to hope?
From within the circle of his dongsaeng’s comforting arms, Kangin watched through his tears as Eeteuk turned and walked away, pulling a reluctant Heechul with him. Once the door closed behind them, a strangle cry escaped from Kangin’s lips.
He hadn’t thought it possible for his heart to break a third time.
Tensions were high in Super Junior for the following weeks. Three month after what had happened in the dance studio, Heechul was with Eeteuk, returning from that day’s activities. When they stepped out of the elevator, they were surprised to meet three of their other members waiting for the elevator. As they came out, Donghae, Sungmin and Kangin greeted them,
“Evening hyungs,” Donghae and Sungmin coursed,
“Eeteuk-sshi,” Kangin greeted quietly, a small smile on his lips,
Eeteuk blinked a moment, startled before murmuring, “Hi… Kangin…” They hadn’t even said common courtesy pleasantries to one another over the past three months, let alone greetings upon sudden run-ins.
“Where are you three off to?” Heechul asked absent-mindedly as he ran a hand through his perfectly groomed hair,
“I’m going with Sungmin and Kangin to Kangin’s radio show tonight,” Donghae explained as they stepped into the elevator,
“Sungmin and Kangin?” Eeteuk repeated under his breath as his eyes suddenly fell upon the intertwined fingers of said members. He felt a lump form in his throat, stopping any words he could muster from his discovery. As he heard the elevator doors begin to close, his eyes shot up just in time to see Kangin lean in and drop a kiss to Sungmin’s nose.
Eeteuk felt all his strength leave him and he fell to the ground. His heart was hammering painfully in his chest and the lump in his throat felt as if it were growing. His chest tightened and he found himself no longer able to breath. His body began to tremble and unbeknownst to him, tears began to fall from eyes that were still wide from shock.
He crossed his arms over his stomach, pressing them into his abdomen. His stomach felt as if a knife had impaled him and was now slowly twisting as it was driven deeper and deeper. Heechul knelt down beside him and gathered him into his arms, but Eeteuk felt none of that. His body felt cold all over and he felt numb to his dongsaeng’s comforting embrace. He wanted to push Heechul away and yet, wanted some kind of comfort and affection; still, he felt nothing. Nothing but hollowness and cold and pain.
“What’s wrong with me?” Eeteuk managed through his overwhelming cries, and flood of tears,
“I think… you’ve just had your heart broken,” Heechul’s voice floated to him, soft, gently and warm, but Eeteuk felt none of these from his voice.
“But… that means I only helped what I’ve tried to stop from happening all these years,” Eeteuk muttered confusedly as his body shook with a greater ferocity than before. His voice trembled and cracked as he went on, “But that would have to mean...” on the brink of realization, yet not allowing himself to believe it, Eeteuk grounded out, “I love Kangin…”
Heechul tightened his arms about him, but Eeteuk felt no comfort as Heechul replied hesitantly, “Exactly.”
The remnants of his broken heart died at that moment.
(For the sequel, Fated to Break)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)